Differentials
by AvidlyReading
Summary: Sam Harvelle is the oldest son of Ellen Harvelle who doesn't follow in his family foot steps. Its an AU set in the Supernatural is is the story of Sam Harvelle and Dean Winchester. Their journey through getting to know each other and how differences don't really matter when you care about someone deeply. This is a story of friendship and love.
1. Chapter 1

Dean Winchester is visiting the Road House which is owned by Ellen Harvelle. He has been nursing his luke warm beer and listening to the blabbering of Jo Harvelle, the daughter to Ellen Harvelle, and one hell of a stubborn girl. Jo is sounding a little upset today. Not that he knows how Jo normally is since he is not a frequent camper of the road house. Only visiting when he happens to pass through the way. But still, in the rare visits at the Road House, Jo is normally more chipper. Not that he cares why Jo is upset, and, doesn't it say a lot about him, but he figures he should at least act polite and ask Jo what's going on since he has been tuning her out for whoever knows how long.

"You alright?" Dean asks, trying to put a little concern in his voice.

"My so called brother is coming, you know, just to check if we are alive" Jo answers conveying how happy she is not that her brother is visiting. Dean was taken aback. He didn't know Jo had a brother.

"You have a brother?" Dean asked.

"Yes, who thinks he is too good of a man for the hunting world. If it wasn't for him, my dad would have been alive today." Jo said with a hard face. Dean hadn't seen Jo like this before. Whoever this man was, he would have done some pretty messed up shit to make Jo talk like this.

"What did he do?" Dean asked out of curiosity. He had been visiting Road House for quite a while now, even though always for a short stay, but, he had never heard Ellen or Jo talking about another family member. _Must be hard talking about it. _Dean thought to himself. He still doesn't talk about Mom.

"I thought that your dad got killed during a hunt..?" Dean mused. He had heard hunters talking at the Road House before about it. But he never asked the specifics of it.

"Hmmm, my dad was killed during a hunt. But if my excuse of a brother had been there to watch his back, instead of another self-centred hunter, he would have been alive maybe." Jo said with venom in her words which didn't suit someone at her age. But again, hunting can make you grow up faster than your age. But it didn't necessarily make you wise though. Because the reason that Jo was giving for hating her brother was quite illogical. Blaming someone who wasn't even present there was not smart in Dean's book. But whatever. He doesn't know that person and maybe they have their reasons to hate him apart from this poor excuse. If not, well he doesn't know what to say to that then.

Dean decided to prod further, not having anything to say to that. "And how is this his fault that your dad died when he wasn't even present there? It doesn't make sense. You know that, right?"

"He was supposed to be there Dean. He should have been hunting along side him. Do the family thing. But instead, he decided to run to college. Saying that this life isn't the one he wants to live. He wanted to have normal, apple pie life. How can you want that when you know that peoples lives are at stake and you can save them.? He is such a selfish person." Jo kept saying not so lovely words towards his brother. She was furious now, but Dean wasn't the one to back down where people were being unreasonable.

"You can't hold a grudge against your brother if he wasn't interested in this life. Its not like this life holds any luxury and he will be missing anything. And there are not only things that go bump in the night from which people need saving. There are other things as well. People need saving from PEOPLE as well." Dean said holding his calm. He was becoming frustrated with the whole drama though.

"Its not like he is off saving people or doing some charity work or whatever you are saying. He is in college. For HIMSELF." Jo spat again.

"Last time I checked Jo, its not a crime to do something you want to do. But whatever makes you sleep at night.. Whatever Jo.." Dean decided he was done with the family drama. He had his own problems as it was. He took a bottle of beer and went to look for Ash.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dean had to come back to the Road House again, soon after his recent visit. He needed Ash's help to do some hacking in the police database for a hunt and on the upside, the hunt was near the Road House too. So it hadn't been a hassle coming here. Ash was smart, he could hack and trespass securities like a pro. As good as any professional hacker, even better yet. He could find you any information you needed however old it was and connect patterns that you couldn't even imagine. He was a genius in technological stuff. Dean often took Ash's help for this kind of stuff. He was a good person as well. Weird, but still a decent person. But Dean couldn't hang out with him for more than an hour though. All Ash's crazy talk about computers drove Dean nuts and there is only so much Dean could take.

When Dean gets what he came here for, from Ash, he leaves with a reluctant promise to Ellen that he will pass by after the hunt. Dean knows that Ellen cares about him. It's like her paternal instincts blow in full form or something like that, when he is around. And it doesn't even make sense to him since Ellen has Jo.. And another son as well who he just came to know about recently, nevermind. But the point is he still doesn't understand why Ellen feels the need to smother her. He is not the kind of a person who needs smothering. He has spent his whole life on the road. He is a hard head person. Just like his dad. He is not someone who needs to be pampered... Or so he says to himself. Still, he doesn't like all these care and feelings crap. He is not a stray puppy for god sake. He doesn't even look like it. No no, not puppy. Like someone innocent who needs protecting or some shit like that. You get the gist. He looks handsome in a very good way, like a strong manly person. And he knows that. He sees them in all the looks he gets from men and women alike. And its not the look that shows that they want to feed you or cuddle you... Cuddling maybe.. But much much later. And his devil may care attitude which oozes out of him in spades shows everyone that he doesn't take shit from anyone nor he doesn't give a shit about the world.

So, he is back at the Road house as he promised, after mere two days. Thanks to Ash that the hunt winded up quickly. Its not like he doesn't like the Road House. It's a hunter heaven after all. It's just that he doesn't feel very comfortable here despite being around like people. He doesn't do crowds that much. Not that he is intimidated or anything, he just thinks its part of his nature. Being alone for so long with only his dad around, whose presence is as good as not being around, can make you like this. He doesn't like mingling and shooting the shit with other hunters whom he doesn't know. Or even with some he knows. And then there is Jo. Jo is a beautiful girl. And she works in a bar full of hunters. And she gets all kinds of looks from people. But she knows how to handle the situations, and Ellen makes sure of it as well. The thing is, Dean knows that Jo has some kind of feelings for him. She flirts with him regularly, and he flirts her right back. After all there is a reputation to hold. Never the less, he doesn't feel like starting something with her. That is what Jo wants. In her not so subtle conversations about relationships, he caught the whiff. And its not even like he can just hook up with her. He has to come here for some things or another. And it could get quite awkward. He just doesn't know how to outright tell her that its not possible. He doesn't want to hurt her feelings. There is no way he can let her down easily without doing that. But its been going for a while, and he thinks that Jo must have had some idea by now that he is not interested in her for starting relationship, but it seems like she chooses to ignore it. There is nothing wrong with Jo. The problem is Dean himself and he knows that. But Jo might take it other way so he chooses to keep quiet. So he doesn't know what to do about it and it is one of the reasons, albeit, a major one, to avoid Road House as much as he can. Sometimes, he thinks that Ellen knows it somehow.

Dean is nursing his only beer slowly, the bar is empty except for him and Jo who is cleaning the tables and doing things she is supposed to do, whatever it is. A man, No, A boy, walks into the bar from the door which is on the further side of the counter and is connected to the living area of the house. He is tall. Taller than Dean and Dean himself is a good height. The guy will tower over him a good head if he was standing. Which he is not since he is too busy in his lone beer. He diverts his attention to the new guy. He has to look up see the guy's face. He has shaggy chestnut brown hair which seems to be falling into his eyes and he is not looking like he belongs in a dingy bar like this. He can't see the guy's face properly as how the guy is walking looking downwards with hunched shoulders and the light is dim to make anything out.

"What are you doing here?" Jo asks the guy not in a friendly tone. Its like she is barking more than asking. Too much bitterness and coldness in her voice. But the guy just doesn't reply her. Doesn't even look her way, just ignores her, making her way to go behind the counter. Dean notices then that the guy is holding some empty beer bottles in his hands, apparently to put them where they are supposed to be gone. The guy is walking towards the counter and suddenly Jo comes out from behind the counter and something incomprehensible to Dean happens, and the next moment, the bottle drops from his hands banging on the floor with a loud crash.

"You can't do a single thing properly. Can you? Messing everything up" Jo bites sarcastically. She is ignored, again. "Can you bring me a duster pan, please?" The guy addresses Jo very politely like she didn't just want to chew his head off. The guy is crouching down where the broken pieces of glass her. He then looks up to find Jo just standing like that. He shakes his head a little, like he was expecting Jo not to listen to him. So he is standing up to go himself. Dean is about to offer to bring it when he sees the guy trip on of the bigger piece of glass and stumble and loose his balance. The guy falls down with his right hand direct falling on the shards of the glasses, cutting deep into his hands. Blood comes in rivulets from where his hand is cut deep. Dean thinks he is in a friggin' movie, watching a scene unfold like this. He then comes to his senses and rushes to the guy all the while asking Jo to bring a first aid kit. The guy doesn't make a noise. Just closes his eyes tightly through the pain. Jo is, again, still standing there like she didn't hear Dean asking for the kit and Dean is left staring at Jo in disbelief. Her demeanour is of someone who doesn't care whatever is going on. Stoic. He is about to say something again when the guy stands up, clutching his injured hand to his chest with his good hand.

"Wait, just sit here. Let me bring the kit quickly and patch you up." Dean says to the guy in a soft voice. And he doesn't know why he is being so delicate like he talking to some fragile child, since the guy is not so fragile seeing how he is handling this situation when his hand must be hurting like hell.

"I will do it myself." The guy replies shortly and goes back from where he came from. _Who the hell is the guy and what does he think of himself, _Dean thinks to himself like he is personally insulted that the guy refused his help. He then shakes his head and turns to confront Jo about earlier. Jo is doing her own business like she doesn't care what happened. A man was bleeding here and she doesn't give a shit. Even though it was not life threatening or something, but still. He doesn't even what to say to her anymore. He doesn't have energy. He is feeling exhausted suddenly. And he is still seething inside by the guy's attitude and thinking about Jo's behaviour too. But he is tired. He walks towards the main exit to go the motel, since he doesn't stay here. He leaves the Road house without saying good bye since he just has to come in the morning again. Ellen wants to talk to him about some possible hunting in Ohio. So he is in the Impala going towards the motel wondering who that guy was and that he hasn't seen him before.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_SAM_

Sam is back at the Road House. He didn't want to come though. Why would he want? Its not like he was welcomed here. His sister openly loathed him. Mom didn't say anything to him. Did what she is expected to do as a mother, but Sam knows that deep down, even she blames him somehow for her husband's and his dad's death. It will never make sense to him. But again, if you look at hunting, it doesn't make sense. He thinks that they have forgotten how logic or rationality works. They have walked too long in the hunter shoes to make sense of the normal world.

What kind of family doesn't get happy when the child scores full ride in one of the prestigious college? Apparently, his. He worked so damn hard for the scholarship. He didn't want to stay here forever. Nor did he want to follow in the foot steps of his family. But he didn't realise it was a crime to work for what he wanted, instead what his family wanted for him. His Dad was the only one who encouraged him, motivated him to pursue what he wanted from his life. After his father's death, it became more hard to stay at the Road House. It felt like he wasn't part of the family anymore. They resented him even before his father's death because he never hid the fact that he is not interested in this life. He knew the things about hunting. He had learnt what there was to learn about the lore. He could research as good as any hunter. But it didn't mean he was supposed to do it as well.

He has just arrived at the Road House today. He informed his mom when he was coming. He doesn't call them that much. Not that they cared how was he or what he was doing. But he figured he ought to inform them so that they expect him. He didn't want to just go there and see there unhappy faces. He has been here only a day and the most meaningful conversation he has had is with Ash. His mom had asked how he was doing and about his studies and he answered them shortly, knowing that she wasn't really interested. Jo had ignored him completely except for passing some hefty and sarcastic remarks toward him. He ignored her back. Not wanting to start an argument with her on his first day.

So, he spent the day talking to Ash. Reading books on lore, and just doing about his own business.

He couldn't ask for a better college. Stanford is all he wanted. He also works a part time job their in a store working the computers, managing inventories. Its quite easy and flexible working hours. The classes are hard enough to keep him busy. Keep his mind off the things he doesn't want to think about. But they creep in his thoughts on the most inconvenient times, and he hates what it has done to him. He is far away from here now, but still it feels like he hasn't left this place. Not really. He has friends there. He also has Jessica. His girl friend. It still sounds weird to him that he has a girl friend. And it didn't even happen traditionally, like a boy asking a girl out. Instead, it was Jess who had asked him out first. His first instinct was to run away, make some excuse or anything. But she was one of his friends and he didn't want to make it awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. And above all, it would be really impolite to refuse a girl. So he went with it. And he is still with her. And he still feels the same way about her, that he used to feel before they were dating. Just friends. He thinks that his friends know it somehow. But he doesn't know what to do about it. Sometimes, he can't help but think if something is wrong with him. He has the normal he wanted. But he doesn't behave like that. His friends remind him of this fact on a daily basis. He doesn't act like a typical college boy. He doesn't party late nights like his friends do. Nor does he frequent the bar two blocks away from his dorm, where the students body like to spend their time. He doesn't go out that much. He doesn't have a problem with any of this, he really doesn't. But he doesn't feel comfortable around them. Not really. His friends are good people. He knows that. That's why he thinks that its him who is not okay somehow. Everyone gets excited at the prospect of weekends and he finds himself thinking what excuse he is gonna give this time so that he can bail out of it. Even among the people he wanted to be, he still doesn't find himself like them. Still he feels the odd one out. Misfit. He wonders when this feeling is going to go away since he doesn't feel at home even at his own place. His home. He doesn't feel like he belongs anywhere. This is the most awful thing to feel, he thinks. Being back at Road house is not doing wonderful things to his mood either. He wanted some peace here. Even if there is silence all around, no one here to disturb him, he still feels the silence screaming at him in loud voices. He doesn't feel peace. Not at all. He is jittery. Wants to go back as soon as he can. Mom hasn't sat with him more than 15 minutes to talk. He thinks that she has stopped pretending that they can be like any other mother and child. Too many things between them. Too many bitter words, hostile glances, accusing eyes. You can't just undo it. And he wishes not for the first time that there was some place where he doesn't feel like this, someone with who he doesn't feel out of place. Somewhere that feels like home.

He sees the beer bottles littering around his room. Perks of having a bar in your house. He doesn't drink that much. But he drank more than usual today. He thinks he should tidy his room a bit. His room sometimes still feels like his. His sanctuary. His dad used to read him here at nights when he wasn't away hunting one thing or another. He picks up the empty bottles and makes his way towards the bar passing the living room and the kitchen. When he enters the bar, the first thing he notices is that it is empty except for 2 peoples. One is Jo, and the other he notices is a man, hunter, judging by his body language with how he is seated at the bar stool drinking beer. Sam wonders what a hunter or any other person is doing here at this time at the bar since its been long that the bar has been closed to outside patrons. Maybe some friend of Jo or family, Sam thinks. He makes his way towards the counter, Jo says her something in a cold tone which he ignores mostly. He doesn't know what happens, but suddenly the bottles have dropped from his hands disturbing the eerie silence with the loud noise. Jo says something again which he ignores, again, and asks for the duster pan so he could clean it. He is crouching down to the floor when he feels himself tripping on of the glass piece. And after that he only registers a sharp pain in his right hand. He hears some words being said around him but he doesn't understand them. His hand is hurting like hell and he can feel blood on his hands. He then hears someone offer him to patch his hand, the same hunter who was sitting there. But his voice is not hard. Not like hunters he had heard talking. Instead it is soft. Like he is talking to a child. Sam's first instinct is to accept the man's help. But he shakes himself out of it, instead, standing up and walking towards the door to the house. He can feel eyes boring into his back. He wants to turn and see the man, the person who wanted to help him when his own sister didn't even care what happened to him. But he thought better of it and went to do something for his hand.

_DEAN_

Dean is talking with Ellen in the living room of the house. He doesn't come here normally, only when something is needed. She is telling him about the deaths in Ohio. Dean doesn't think its some supernatural creature, just some serial killer on a binge who likes to be creative but he said he will check it out.

"Why don't you help yourself to some breakfast Dean, I am out of your hair now." Ellen said. Dean was about to say something when she interrupted, " No, don't even think about saying no or starting off right now. You can make time for breakfast".

"But Ellen, I can stop by somewhere and eat. You know, I don't compromise on eating". Dean said with a smirk. "Yeah, I know that. But it won't kill you to eat some home meal once in a while." Ellen shot back. "I do that plenty at Bobby's." Dean replied but he was making his way towards the kitchen. Ellen gave her a triumph smile and went out of the house. Dean was making breakfast for himself when he saw the man from the night before walking into the living room. His right hand was bandaged and he could see red on them. He was holding some books in his other hand. Dean could see his face properly now. He really was a boy. Young features. Handsome looking. Not a hunter definitely. He was looking at Dean weirdly and Dean realised he had been staring. He cleared his throat and said, "How's your hand?"

"Its fine." The guy replied.

"I haven't seen you here before, who are you and what are you doing in the kitchen?" The boy asked him with a frown. Like he was trying to remember him or something.

"I can ask you the same question. I haven't seen you before, either." Dean asked because he was really curious. And then something clicked inside his brain just as the boy said "I live here!". And Dean could only say "Oh" very eloquently. So he was the brother Jo was talking about. He can't believe he didn't figure it out when Jo was acting like that towards him last night. Normally, Dean would have minded his own business and carry on whatever he was doing. But he wanted to know what was the hype of this boy who Jo seems to hate. "I am Dean, I have known Ellen and Jo for a while now". Dean said extending his hand towards the boy. And then he quickly pulled it back with a sorry when he saw the boy grimacing in pain to move his hand.

"I am Sam." He again replied shortly. Dean raised his eyebrows in a gesture which meant carry on, this is not the introduction I am looking for. The boy ...no.. Sam glances down and says "I am Sam Harvelle."

"Want some breakfast?" Dean asked, and he really doesn't know why he is engaging Sam. He doesn't do conversation with strangers nor does he offer them breakfast. Thank you very much.

"Its my home, I can help myself. Thank you." Sam answered looking down. Dean doesn't know why the kid has a problem with looking up. And he should really leave it alone now and he is intending to do the same when he hears himself saying "Your hand is hurt, its better you give it some rest and also, not carry those heavy books around like they are flowers". Sam looks up at that. Surprised. And Dean wants to kick himself or run away from here. Instead he schools his features in a way like he is just saying casual things and not acting like his mother.

"Uh..uh okay?.." Sam says confused and puts the books down. While he is putting the books down, his injured hand is strained and Dean can see blood on the white of the bandage coming out continuously. He got some work to do, he thinks to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Your hand is bleeding." Dean stated the obvious. Sam looked at him like he had grown another head. "Yeah, I can see that. I will go and redress it." Sam said in a nonchalant tone like he doesn't care. Dean thinks Sam is a hard person for not being a hunter. He is acting like this is a everyday thing in his life.

"Let me dress it. You can't do it properly with one hand." Dean,once again, offered Sam. This time, surprisingly, Sam just sat down. "The kit is in the last right side drawer of the kitchen." Sam informed Dean who quickly retrieved it from the kitchen. Dean took Sam's hand in his and started opening the bandage carefully. He let out a gasp when he saw the condition of the cuts. They were just bandaged with medical tape, holding the cut skins together tightly. "What the hell.. What did you do it. They were supposed to get stitched, not stuck together by tape !" Dean said exasperatedly. 'Was getting trouble doing with my left hand' Sam mumbled to himself looking down. But Dean heard him well and clear and stopped for a moment and looked at his face. He couldn't believe that Sam didn't ask for someone's help. But then he remembered Jo, and wondered if that's the reason he didn't ask anyone's help because no one would want to help him. Ellen would have patched Sam up of course. She is the mother. But what did he know. He didn't say anything to that. Didn't know what you say to something like that.

Dean brought some hot water and cleaned the wound and then stitched it up so carefully as not to hurt Sam. He had only patched up his dad, bobby and himself before. He was never careful with them and with himself like this since he knew they won't mind some pain. And he had also seen Sam last night and his tolerance for pain, but he just wanted to hurt it as less as possible since stitching is going to hurt like hell however you do it. He bandaged Sam's hand after stitching and told him to be careful not to pull the stitches since they are tender now and not carry these heavy books around.

"Thank you." Sam said in a low voice.

"No problem,just one of the things I do on a daily basis almost." Dean replied with an amused huff. But Sam wasn't looking amused. His mouth was in a tight line, and, for a moment Dean thought that he was in pain but he quickly realised that Sam was looking angry. And why he was angry all of a sudden, Dean didn't know. He stood up and went to his forgotten breakfast and brought some coffee for Sam as well. Sam took it without saying anything. They were not talking but the silence was comfortable. Not defeaning.

"So, uhh, your full name is Dean Winchester?.." Sam asked like he was not sure if he should be asking or not.

"Yea'.. How do you know?" Dean said with a raised eyebrow.

"I have heard your name.. From Jo and mom as well. Though quite differently. Jo.., uhh...seems kind of interested in you.." Sam said this with a smirk and a little smile. Dean wished that Sam would smile more. He is so innocent looking. Dean had the sudden urge to protect him from anything and everything and from everyone.

"Ohh yeah?" Dean replied with his own smirk, waggling his eyebrows a little. "Do you approve?" And after saying the last bit, Dean wanted the floor to swallow him. He was talking like he wanted to date Jo, which, no, he doesn't want. He just said it on a whim. And its not like it matters whether Sam approves him or not.

Sam smiled, actually smiled. Not just a curve of lips. Dean saw dimples peeking into his cheeks giving him a more boyish look and he thought once again, that Sam should smile more often. Dean also noticed Sam's eyes then. They were blue..no greenish ..maybe hazel.

"I don't think you need my approval." Sam shook Dean out of his thoughts. What a stupid thing to think about, Dean thought to himself. And then he tried to remember what Sam said.

"Why not, you are the older brot...wait, you are older? Right?"

"Yeah, I am older..." Sam said with a downturn of his eyes and he could practically see Sam's face falling. Just when Dean was about to say something else, they heard loud voices coming from the bar. They were female voices. And Dean quickly realised they were Ellen and Jo. Sam looked at Dean with alarm and they both made their way towards the bar. Once they entered the bar, they heard Jo shouting '_You can't stop me from going there. I found it and I want to go. I can take care of myself'. _Then Ellen said back calmly '_I am not letting you go to a hunt. And I don't want to hear anything about it.' _Ellen's tone was final. "What's going on here?" He heard Sam saying. Ellen and Jo just looked at him without saying anything. Dean then cleared his throat and said, "What's all this fuss about? I am sure people in the other continent could hear you. You ladies can surely shout." Dean said with a wink to cool the tension around them.

"Jo wants to go on a hunt." Ellen said like it was the most ridiculous thing in the whole world.

"I can go on a damn hunt mom, its not going to be the end of the world. And I can handle a simple salt and burn." Jo argued.

"How do you even know that its a salt and burn.? You don't know anything.. And no, don't give me the crap that you have already researched and whatever you are going to say." Ellen was losing her temper.

"Mom is right Jo, you shouldn't go." Sam said with concern in his voice.

"Thanks, but I am not asking you. Only because you hate hunting, doesn't mean I don't want to save people." Jo bit back. And Dean once again was overwhelmed by the stark difference in tone when she replied to Ellen and now Sam. Sam just sighed. Like it wasn't new. It was expected. And suddenly Dean didn't like Jo as much as he used to like her as a person.

"I am going mom, whether you allow me or not." Jo said taking a deep breath to calm herself a little.

"Damn children now a days.." Ellen muttered under her breath and then said "You can't even have a discussion like a goddamn adult Joanna Beth and you want to go off on a hunt alone?... No,that's not happening, not til' you are under my roof.!"

Dean was so tired of listening to them, he knew Ellen was getting angrier by the second so he decided to tread carefully.

"I can accompany Jo on the hunt, uhh, if you don't mind..?" Dean asked cautiously, but as soon as the words left his mouth, he heard a incredulous _NO!. _All the eyes were on Sam now with his sudden outburst. Dean was surprised as why would Sam mind him going on a hunt with Dean, maybe he didn't trust Jo with him. Fair enough. Dean tried to reassure him, "Don't worry Sam, I won't let her get hurt. I have been doing this my whole life." Sam looked at him like he had sprouted another head and said in a slow voice like he normally does, "I know you won't let her hurt, I am worried about you." Dean looked at Sam ridiculously, "Are you crazy?! What, you think I can't hold my own?" Dean was getting a little mad now, no one had ever questioned Dean on hunting. He was counted one of the best among hunters, and the youngest one at that. But Sam doesn't know that, Dean thought.

All of them, including Dean, were staring at Sam. And Sam was looking back like Dean was the one who wasn't understanding or making sense here, not the other way round.

"Jo doesn't have experience on the field, she can be a liability to you and you will just get yourself hurt looking out for her because she can't take care of herself and will be a distraction for you as well." And Dean could only look at Sam in disbelief. This man barely knew him and he was worried about him getting hurt. This man, whom Jo had said only bad things about, was thinking about him. And Dean couldn't even fault his logic, he was right after all. But hunters don't care about themselves getting hurt. They just want the job done. And this is what Dean was gonna do now.

"I will be fine, and Jo as well. You don't have to worry about me or Jo." Dean said shaking his head.

"I am not saying don't go, I am just saying that its better if you go alone". Sam said again slowly and calmly like he knew how this is supposed to go.

"I am going, and that's that" Jo said.

"What about the hunt in Ohio, Dean?" Ellen asked him. She didn't say no to Jo about going with him though.

"I will tell Bobby or look into it after this one. I don't think its a hunt but I will see to it that it gets checked out, or do it myself." He then turned to Jo "Get ready and tell me what you have found out."

"Please... Dean" he heard Sam. He turned towards Sam wanting to say again that its no big deal. He could handle it but was caught off guard when he saw the expression on Sam's face. He expected Sam to be angry a little, but Sam was just looking somewhat sad, resigned, like he knew beforehand that Dean was not going to listen to him and, for a moment, Dean wants to say Sam is right, that its better he goes alone but he thinks better of it. Sighing, he just shakes his head at Sam. Sam gives him a slight resigned nod with a murmur under his breath to take care of himself and walks away. Dean is still reeling from the fact that Sam was thinking about his well being which doesn't happen a lot in his line of work. Even his own Dad doesn't care what happens to him. They don't even talk on the phone unless there is some important work or exchanging information about hunts. They meet up even less. Even Bobby or Ellen don't care of him as much. They are hunters and they know hunting is a dangerous gig and that you never know what could happen. Dean can say that Sam is not a hunter that's why he is worried about Dean but Sam never said that he shouldn't go on the hunt, just wanted him to be sensible and not take Jo with him. But Dean has never cared what happens to him and he is not going to start doing that now just because some guy that he barely knows and just met today properly, is worried about him getting hurt. But Dean's heart is not in the hunt anymore. He is not feeling the thrill of excitement that he gets when he is about to go on a hunt. While getting ready for the hunt and checking all the weapons, Sam's resigned face is in the forefront of his mind and he wonders why he suddenly wants to go and comfort Sam and tell him that its not anything he hasn't done before and that he will be careful. After all, Sam is the first person who has shown more than a cursory concern for him and he just doesn't know what to feel about it since it doesn't happen to him everyday. Cruising down the road, the only thing Dean is thinking is whether he will get to see Sam again or not. Whether he will be there or not when Dean gets Jo back to the Road House and if he will even want to talk to Dean.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It has been two days since Dean and Jo left the Road House for the hunting. Sam has done nothing except for thinking about Dean and how he is. He knew Dean wouldn't listen to him, but he at least wanted to try. He doesn't know why he was and IS worried for Dean since he doesn't even know him. He just is. That's the best he can say.

Sam doesn't like hunting. He can say he has a personal grudge against it. But its not really the hunting that's the problem, if he admits to himself. The main problem he has with hunting is that what it does to hunters. And really, Sam is out of his mind to think of hunting as something that can control things. Anyway, the point is, he has seen that the people who hunt are mostly driven by revenge. Not out of the goodness of their hearts. There are some, maybe, who hunt for the sake of hunting, saving peoples and all that. But not the majority. And in all their crusade, they often forget they have someone who cares about them. A family about whom they are supposed to think. To put first above anything else. If they don't have any family or loved one left,well that's another thing. But if they have family, aren't they supposed to look after them, protect them, by being there. Not some phantom family member who has done all the protection he or she could do and then leave. Hunters are so self centred in his opinion. They just care about one thing, and that's their hunt or whatever they are out there to take. They often forget that their family may also need them. And whenever they are out on a hunt, the families can do nothing but worry if they will return or not, or in what condition. So, the point is, he wouldn't dislike hunting that much if it wasn't for the hunters that had made hunting their sole purpose of life without giving anything or anyone any heed. All the time he has been here, he has never talked to any hunter who has come in the bar, hell he doesn't even know any friends hunter that his family could have. Dean is an example. He had only heard about Dean in passing when he would over hear Mom and Jo talking. He doesn't normally go to the bar when its open, so he doesn't even have to see them. To see the scars on their faces. To see hardness and coldness in their eyes. He just stays away from hunters as far as he can. And he was just doing the same thing few days before. But today, he is worried about someone who he doesn't even know and to top it all, the man in question is a hunter. His life is frigging awesome. Just awesome.

He still remembers, whenever his Dad used to go on a hunt, he would sit at the bar or at the door to wait for him. He always used to come back, in one condition or another, until one day he didn't. He doesn't even remember how they were informed. Doesn't even know what happened. Doesn't want to know. He just knows that all of his fears came to life and his Dad was no more there. He had said to his Dad several times to stop hunting, at least stop the field work. But he never listened. Just used to say that its important, that there aren't a lot of hunters. Sam thinks that he still resents his father a little for that. Sam knows that his thoughts about hunting aren't complete rational. He knows that it is something that's supposed to be done even though he doesn't like it. He thinks that the final straw to push him away and resent hunting was the fact that his family kept expecting and pushing him towards it. He never wanted it and he started hating it even more. He also knows that its not mature to not like hunters because of it. But well, he has never thought of himself as a mature person, so there's that. So despite all of this, he is thinking about some hunter getting hurt and also worrying. Hunters were the last thing he thought he would ever think about in any way, let alone worry. But here he is. And he doesn't want to do it. But its not like he can control who he worries about. He has stopped analysing his sudden concern for Dean and is just hoping that Dean comes back like he left unscathed. Well that's too much to ask for a hunter, in walking talking condition at least, he thinks.

_DEAN_

Dean is in the passenger seat of his car. Jo is driving the car as fast as it can go. And he is holding his badly injured bleeding hand with the less injured hand, and, trying not to cry in pain everytime there is a bump on the way. His hands and his torso are badly injured and his back is hurting like hell. He was caught off guard by the poltergeist when he was telling Jo to get her shit together, who then threw Dean around the room like he weighed nothing more than air. Its not like weight matters to them anyway. And he is thinking about Sam that how he was spot on about what can happen and he should have listened to him, maybe he wouldn't be suffering from this searing pain. He just wishes the Road House comes fast. He wonders, not for the first time during the ride if Sam will be there or not. He wants him to be, even though he would get the biggest _I told you so _from him. But he is willing to take that. He just doesn't know why he wants Sam to be there. He just wants.

"Argh.." Dean couldn't stop the cry of pain that shook him when the car passed through a pothole. "I am sorry, we are just about to reach." Jo said, frantic. He doesn't blame Jo for what happened today. He should have known better. She was just acting out. He shouldn't have offered to go with her in the first place, then Ellen wouldn't have let her go at all. Now he is suffering from his own stupidity. His vision is starting to blur now. He feels the car stopping, and the horn blaring in the silence of the night. He can hear foot steps coming outside. Suddenly he hears the passenger door opening and he is being carried from the seat and that's the last thing he remembers feeling.

The first thing Dean feels when he comes to concious is sharp pain in his arm and then voices saying something about bringing the kit. Then he is being manhandled in another position, on the couch maybe. He opens his eyes slowly and the first thing he sees is someone hovering over him, he can't make who it is, all he can see is a solid shadow of a person. His vision then adjusts and he can just make out hazel eyes looking at him with concern. Sam.. Dean thinks. He is still here. If he could smile, he would. He would look crazy if he tries to smile in this condition though.

"You are here." Dean hears himself murmuring. Apparently, he is more out of it then he thought previously. Luckily, Sam doesn't listen to his mumbling or chooses to ignore it. He is asking for the medical kit. Suddenly he hears Jo saying that she is going to do it herself.

'_No, don't start on this Jo. I am going to do it'_

_'You don't even know how to do these things, its not like you do it in college..'_

Dean hears Sam and Jo argue and he thinks they couldn't find another time to talk their issues. He then feels hands on him gently pushing his clothes away to get to the injuries.

"Hey, can you hear me.." Sam asked in a soft tone while dabbing a wet cloth on his hands and then torso. Dean gruntles in pain. Sam makes a hissing noise at that and mutters a sorry. Sam is being really careful and gentle with him like he is trying to placate a kid. Dean knows that his torso is just badly cut, would only need bandages. But one of the hand is badly hurt, probably like how Sam's was hurt. Dean is fully aware now of his surroundings. He can see Ellen sitting on the side sofa, ready to give Sam whatever he needs. Jo is sitting on the opposite side of the couch. Her face a mask of pure anger. She didn't get hurt on the hunt thankfully. Just some little scratches here and there, which are par for every hunt. He can see Sam preparing for stitches. He closes his eyes waiting for the pain that he knows is coming. Surprisingly, the pain is not as sharp as he expected, he opens his eyes and sees Sam putting stitches in a vertical line one after another carefully, oh so carefully. He isn't used to that. Sam's face is a mask of pure concentration, his eyes not living the task at his hand. Dean only feels slight pain compared to that he usually feels. Sam finally ties off the ends and sets to clean other small wounds.

"Hey", Sam says lowly. Dean expects a '_I told you so'_ from him but it never comes. His back is still hurting but its tolerable now. He tries to sit upright, but Sam pushes on his shoulders and tells him to lie back.

"Motel... I uhh have to go.." Dean says, grimacing.

"Did you hit your head also?" Sam asked sincerely. Like he really thought that Dean was hurt on the head and that's why he was saying that.

"No..?.. But I uhh feel tired.. I will have to sleep..maybe...?" Dean said. Not understanding why Sam would say such a thing when clearly, Dean needed to rest.

"He never stays here, hasn't stayed here ever in whatever condition he has had." He hears Ellen say. She is talking about him, he realises. He sees Sam turn around. Sam is incredulous."But why?.. Its not like he can drive in the condition he is."

"He is so stubborn Sam, we have tried many times to convince him but he never listens" Ellen says.

Sam looks at Dean again. Dean expects Sam to be asking him questions about this particular thing but he just sees an expression on his face which he can't completely decipher. He thinks that Sam is going to argue with him as well but Sam's expression once again changes to something which Dean can't understand and he kneels down near him on the couch.

"Will you let me at least drop you to the motel, please?" Sam asks softly, not incredulity or any mocking in his voice for him being irrational about something as petty as staying at the Road House. Because he knows its just plain stupid. But he never feels comfortable in someone's hair. Even at Bobby's, he itches to get away when its been more than two to three days.

"No...its...its okay, I can manage. I have been in worst situations." Dean says, and Sam's face suddenly turns hard. Mouth in a tight line and he shakes his head slightly. Dean doesn't know why he is suddenly looking angry.. Or maybe sad he doesn't know but he just wants to erase that expression from Sam's face. He says something that he never thought he would say in this life.

"I...uhh...can stay here." He says nervously not believing what he actually said. Ellen and Jo exclaim simultaneously _'What?!'. _Sam and Dean look at their shocking faces. They are staring at Dean like they can't believe what he just said, and well, Dean can't believe as well. He wants to take his words back now though, looking at their expressions but Ellen beats him to it. "Jo, go clean the guest room and put it together for Dean."

"No, don't bother with the guest room. He will stay in my room. The guest room has been closed for a while now and there would be a lot of dust. It won't do good for his wounds, they are still tender." Sam says, and Dean can only look at his face. He doesn't know what to say. This man, doing all these things for him. He decides to analyse it later when he feels a little himself. Because now, he doesn't feel like he is really himself. He is saying and doing things that go against his usual nature. And he doesn't know why it is. He just nods his head slowly in agreement. He tries to stand up and gets a little unsteady, Sam puts his hands around his shoulders to steady him and Dean leans into his touch a little. Sam helps Dean to his room and Dean lies on the bed. Sam puts the covers around him and Dean is just too exhausted to think why he is letting Sam do all these. Dean never lets anyone do this type of things for him. He is perfectly capable of taking care for himself and decide what's right and not right for him. But he has done and said a lot of unexpected things since he has met Sam and he just doesn't have the energy now to question himself. He would do that later, when he has taken enough sleep that he feels himself. The last thing he thinks before sleep over takes him is that maybe Sam is a succubbus or something that he is having that effect on him and maybe he really has gone completely out of it to think something like that. The medicines Sam gave him are doing their work and with these thoughts in his mind, he succumbs to the sleep which he had needed badly.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Dean cracks his eyes open, he is feeling a little groggy and for a moment he starts to panic, looking at the unfamiliar surrounding which is not like every other motel room. He remembers the hunt, being thrown everyway by the poltergeist, coming to the Road House and then... Oh... He is in Sam's room then. He actually spent the night at the Road house, for the first friggin time ever. He takes in his surroundings, since he was too out of it to do it the night before. The room doesn't look like it belongs to someone like Sam, but what does he know about Sam, anyway? The room is bare except for the minimum room furniture. The walls are dull green. The walls don't adorn any pictures of the family or friends or even Sam himself. The bed is in the middle of the room. There are side tables on either side of the bed. There is a lamp on one table, and on the other, he notices, are some pain killers and a bottle of water. They would be for him, he thought. He wonders who has put them. There is a small wardrobe on the side wall of the room and a very small book shelf which doesn't have any books on it. The room doesn't even feel like that someone has lived here. The room almost has a haunted feel to it. Just like Sam. Maybe the room is more like Sam then he previously thought. He gets up with some difficulty and gratefully takes the pain pills thanking whoever put them here. He also sees his duffel on the floor near the wall and wonders how it even came here. He wasn't in the condition to bring himself inside last night, let alone his bag as well. He will ask later who dared to touch his Baby and his bag as well. He hopes that whoever it was, they didn't root through his bag. He wonders though, why would someone put his bag inside. For his convenience, maybe?. He sees a small adjoining bathroom in the room and sets to get cleaned up a little, grateful now that his bag his here and he doesn't have to go in these torn clothes to get his bag. After changing, he makes his way to the living room, expecting to see Sam on the couch, nose buried in one of his book. But Sam is not there, no one is there. Still holding his hands carefully, he makes his way to the bar. There are a few people in the bar. Still, not a good hour to start drinking since its just morning. He sees Jo and Ellen behind the counter. Jo gives him a bright smile when she sees him. He makes his way there. He looks around to look for Sam, but he is nowhere to be seen. Now, he could only be with Ash or maybe gone outside. He just decides to ask Ellen about him. "Where's Sam, Ellen? Haven't seen him in the house." He asks casually, like he doesn't care.

"He left, early in the morning." She replies, just as casually. Like she didn't just damper the whole mood of Dean with this. "What do you mean by left?" This time, Dean doesn't try to hide his shocked expressions. "Left for California, Stanford. College boy, doesn't stay here a lot. This time though, his stay was more than usual" Ellen says bitterly. Dean feels a pang of disappointment in his chest. He wanted to thank Sam for what he did, or that's what he tells himself. He didn't want to hang out with him or have some little talk with him and try to get to know him...no. Not at all. He suddenly doesn't want to stay here any longer. Wants to get out of here. He thinks he will go crash at Bobby's for a while till his hand is healed a little, or if he finds a hunt, then well, his hand can wait to heal a little later.

He goes back to Sam's room to retrieve his duffel. He stands in the middle of the room for a moment. Tries to imagine Sam living here. He can't conjure up any image of it. He looks around the room, for any evidence that Sam lives here or has lived but he doesn't find any. Not even a stray of paper, a pen, nothing. He sighs. He doesn't know why he is thinking too much about it. He takes his duffle bag and makes his way to the bar. Ellen and Jo are surprised to see him with his bag, all ready to leave.

"You are leaving?" Jo asks, shocked. "I think you should stay here some more, you are still not okay."

"Nahh, I think I am good enough. Want to get back to the road." Dean doesn't mention the fact that he is planning to go at Bobby's. Doesn't ponder over how he said yes to Sam when Sam asked him to stay yesterday. Didn't even have to think about it a lot. He ponders over asking Sam's contact number from Ellen, but thinks better of it. It's not like him to ask for someone's number and he is not gonna start doing it now. And maybe Sam didn't even want to see him, that's why he left before Dean even woke up. Didn't even say good bye, he thinks. He doesn't know why he feels something akin to sadness at the thought. _I doubt I will ever see him again. Sam doesn't visit Road house frequently, nor does he, himself. There is no chance they can be there at the same time. _Dean thinks, dejectedly. He shouldn't feel like this over Sam. He just doesn't know why he wanted to see him, wanted to talk. He starts his Baby with a sigh driving his way to Sioux Falls, thinking about last night, no, actually the last few days. The little time he caught with Sam here and there highlight of it all. How only a little time with him, made him want it more. And how Sam doesn't want anything to do with him, judging by his departure. Whatever he did for Dean, maybe it was because he is just like that. Helping everyone in need. But he couldn't extinguish the tiny hope that maybe Sam genuinely cared that's why he did what he did for Dean. Damn, He forgot to ask about who put his bag in the room and about the pills. He thinks it must be Sam's doing. He has been so considerate. _God, I need to stop thinking or else I will go out of my mind. Stupid Sam and his stupid stupid concern. _Dean thinks, and he really needs to stop thinks. He opens the tape at full volume, to drown his own thoughts in his head. AC/DC blasting in full volume while he cruises down the road.

_Sam_

Sam is back to California. He just arrived few hours ago. There are some days still left in the break but he just never spends the whole break at the Road House. This was the most he had stayed there since he started college two years ago. The main reason for his abrupt departure though, was Dean. He was planning to stay another day as well but he couldn't. He felt himself getting attached to the hunter, wanting to know him. But he doesn't talk to hunters, let alone wanting to know them. He felt himself slipping that's why he decided to leave early. He had seen Dean hurt only one time and it tugged at his heart. He told Dean to not take Jo, to be sensible. But damn the hunters if they ever listen to some sense. Now he was suffering because of his stupid decision and Sam didn't like it. Not even a bit. And no, he didn't want to care about the hunter, whether he is doing okay or not. It's his own damn fault after all, but well, he couldn't stop himself from caring. He kinda feels bad to just leave Dean there like that. He should have at least checked how he was doing and said good bye. And thank him as well for listening to him and staying at the house. He didn't expect that coming though. He just asked once, not expecting him to say yes which he didn't, at first. But he agreed when Sam asked him if he could drop him at the motel. Sam didn't argue with Dean to stay at the Road house because he somehow thought he understood his reasons. He thought Dean didn't feel comfortable staying there. Sam could relate to it, after all there is no place where Sam feels like home. So, he decided to let it go.

Now back here, he still can't stop thinking about Dean. _I hope he didn't get mad that I opened his car without his permission _he thinks. He just wanted Dean to have his belongings in the room. He hasn't informed any of his friends that he is already here. Not even Jessica. He doesn't know about their whereabouts either since he didn't contact them the whole time he was at the Road House. He isn't planning to either. He is just going to do some study which he didn't manage at the Road House and stay here, at his dorm room. But his brain isn't shutting up, he feels bad that he left Dean there when Dean only agreed to stay because Sam asked him. He contemplates calling Road House to ask for Dean and how he is but he quickly thinks better of it. He doesn't call there unless he has to inform them something. Mostly if he is about to go there. But he really wants to know. At least if Dean is doing fine and he didn't screw up last night deciding to patch him up himself. He knows that it wasn't the first time for Dean getting hurt and it's not going to be the last either. But it's the first time he saw it and he is just worried. He is also surprised at what he did. He isn't someone who goes around asking people if they need help, or in this case, stitches. No, he doesn't, thank you very much. But he wanted to take care of Dean's wound himself. He knows the basic. Perks of growing up with a hunter family. He didn't let Mom or Jo do that. Because he has seen them doing that to Dad many times and he just doesn't like how they are just sloppy with their handling of the wounds. Thinking that the hunters can tolerate, they aren't careful and just want to get the thing done. Dean was already in a lot of pain and he didn't want to inflict more pain than was absolutely necessary. So he did it himself. He was terrified at first at the prospect of patching him up because he hadn't done it to another person before, but he quickly quashed down his fears and got to work. He was glad that Dean listened to him to stay at the Road House. Couldn't keep the smile off his face when Dean said yes. But now, he doesn't have any way to know about Dean. He decides to do something stupid. Because he _is _stupid. He calls the Road House. His Mom picks up. Thanks to _whomever_ for small favors. He wouldn't have gotten anything if it would have been Jo.

"Hey mom, uhh Sam here."

"Is everything okay there Sam?" Ellen asks skeptically because Sam doesn't call often. Especially not right after he just left.

"Yes mom everything is just fine... I uhh wanted to ask if I have left one of my books there…." Sam lies through his teeth since he already has all of his books right here with him. . . . "I can't find it here, so I thought maybe I left it there..?"

"Okay let me check it and then let you know… wait…" Ellen says.

"Mom its okay, you can check it later when Dean isn't there…" he gets to his point without actually getting to it bullshitting his way with his Mom. God, he really is pathetic.

"Don't worry about that Sam, he has already left a few hours ago. Let me check it" Ellen says and Sam feels shocked. How can Dean leave just like that? Did something happen.? Is he okay.?

"What?! He left? But he wasn't okay Mom. How could you let him leave just like that...How was he even?" He hears himself saying, Sam's voice is slightly higher than before but he can't help it. He can't believe that Dean just left like that with his injured hands and ribs. God, he must be in a lot of pain driving like this. He hopes he crashes at the motel or somewhere. Ellen is saying something but he didn't make it out, what with the thoughts in his head..

"What... Umm what did you just say Mom?" he asks calmly now wanting to know about Dean.

"I said that Dean doesn't listen to anybody. He just does what he wants and he can decide for himself. And, your room is completely empty. Not even a single paper here. Just check your damn bag again." Ellen is sounding pissed now.

"Uhh, Yeah mom, thanks... was...was Dean okay?" he just asks outright now, not caring what his mom would think that he is asking about Dean. He fixed him up after all; he has the right to know if he is okay. Sam reasons with himself.

"Yeah, he was looking okay." Ellen says, just sounding bored now.

"OH, okay good..." Sam says on an exhale... "Thanks mom... see you, bye." He hangs up. He didn't get anything from the call. It has just left him more worried than before. He should just get Dean out of his mind. Worrying about a hunter would only drive you crazy... this is what hunters do. And it's just for the best that Sam didn't hang around more at the Road house. He needs to forget about Dean. The only thing he will get thinking about Dean is more worries. He needs to stop and he will stop. After all he has a good experience keeping things out of his mind that he doesn't want to think about. And he didn't even know Dean that much. Hasn't even talked to him much except exchanging names and a few sentences. So it won't be that hard. Or that's what he tells himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Dean is at Bobby's, fixing an old RV. He has been here for two days. After a tiring hunt, he decided he needed to take a break for some days. What's better place than Bobby's where he has his favourite pass time. Its been more than two months since he left the Road House. He couldn't make it to Bobby's after all, when he started off from the Road House. He had found some possible haunting on the way and decided to go for it, delaying the junk yard for the time being.

But now he is here, doing one of his favourite works. Thinking if he weren't a hunter, he would have been a mechanic, most probably. He wipes his hand on a dirty cloth and proceeds to get in the house. Bobby is one of the person Dean counts as family. He has been there for Dean when his Dad wasn't. Dad used to drop him here for long period of times. He has spent some most of the good times here with the old man. Bobby has also played Ball with him. People wouldn't believe it. Looking at his gruff face. Trying to come as hard as a rock, but soft from inside. Dean goes in the house. The place is a mess. Newspapers clippings strewn here and there on every available surface. A side wall lined with several phones. The couch in the living room seems as old as Bobby. The kitchen seems like some earth quake shook it with an intensity. It only makes sense to Bobby, he thinks. Bobby is sputtering around the kitchen.

"Hey Bobby." Dean says, taking a beer from the fridge. The paint is worn. It looks as old as time. Dean figures its not true. He doesn't think paint was there before, or even the fridge. He chuckles at his own joke.

"What's so funny, boy?" Bobby asks with a frowny face.

"Nothin', any hunt you found?" Dean asks taking a sip of beer.

"Yea, about that, found a couple actually. Thought you can have one of 'em".

"Where?" Dean asks. Already deciding to pick up a cooler area.

"One is near Califor.."

The words had barely left Bobby's mouth when Dean interrupted him.

"Where in California?" Dean asks, already deciding he is going there. Not caring about the weather anymore.

"What's in California for you Dean? Some girl there you want to see again?" Bobby said with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on his face.

"I don't know what you are talking about Bobby, just thought I would go there..." Dean answered, playing it up. Not bothering to correct him. And really, what would he even say? When he doesn't really know why he agreed to that place eagerly. Okay, he knows why. But there is no point. Its not like he is going to do something when he is near the place where Sam's college is.

Sam... Dean sighs internally. Road House was the last encounter of Dean with Sam. He hasn't heard anything from him or about him since then. There had been more than few times when he was tempted to just ask Ellen for Sam's number. But he always chickened out. He hasn't stopped thinking about him though. About getting to know him. It goes against all his instincts but he just wants what he wants. He doesn't know what he will do once he is in California. Probably nothing. Just go to another hunt. Its not like he can up and just go see him unannounced at his college. They are nothing more than two peoples who got to know each other a little because of circumstances, accident, literally. Sam wouldn't even remember him. Okay, that's an over exaggeration. But he would just be confused what Dean is doing there. Probably his first thought would be that there is a hunt somewhere near. And Dean thinks its probably as good as excuse can get. What can be more convincing than this? He can't believe he has reduced to this, because he can't get his shit together and just go and see him or call him. He really is pathetic.

Dean is staring out of his car's window. Looking at the expanse of Stanford college. Its early in the afternoon, or late morning, however you want to see it. Students must be in their classes or whatever. He doesn't know what goes on these places. He steps out of his car, and makes his way through the green expanse to the entrance of the college. The hallway is bustling with students, milling about everywhere, some looking frantic to go somewhere, some just walking like its a park. Most peoples are in groups. Laughing and talking. Some boys and girls dressed like they are straight from a modelling gig, while some of them look like they didn't even change their night clothes. Dean wonders how Sam would be looking like. Dean can see all types of people here, from richer to richest, and from middle class and those who have to eat ramen as their food so they could get through. Dean suddenly feels overwhelmed. He wants to turn and run from this place. Just when he is about to turn tail, he sees the reception office and he takes a deep breath and makes his way there.

There is a middle aged woman in the office, seated on a chair behind a big mahogany desk. Papers are neatly stacked together. There are several shelves lined on the walls as well as pictures frames. The office looks neat. There is a large glass window behind the desk which is draped with curtains. Sunlight coming through the spaces left between the lapels of the curtain. The woman doesn't look like he had imagined, someone who would want to chew his head off and would have a stern or frowny expression on their face. Instead, she is looking at him. Smiling. Its just my charisma working. Dean thinks and gives her his most charming smile.

"What can I do for you, gentleman?" The woman asks in a formal tone, yet somehow coming through as genuine.

"Hello ma'am." Dean tries to be respecful and sees the woman smile even more wider than before.

"I am looking for a student, Sam Harvelle. If you could inform him and he can come see me...?" Dean leaves the question hanging in the air. Doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know the protocol of these places. If he were even actually allowed to see Sam.

"In which faculty is he? And who should I say, wants to see him?" She asks in a professional tone, already typing away on the keyboard. Glasses perched on her nose. Dean is at a loss though. He doesn't remember Sam telling him his major.

"Umm... I... I don't know if he has already elected for a major yet..so.. If you can just..." Dean stops mid sentence when he sees the woman looking at him with an unfathomable expression.

"Okay, I will look to it. Mr...?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Dean Smith." Dean says without giving it any thought. He would have just came here as a fed or something and would have reached Sam without any hassle. But he just didn't want to do it that way. He isn't here as a hunter, and he doesn't want to use those ways as well. He doesn't why he is feeling this way now, when he hasn't given a damn before. The woman reaches for her phone and presses a single digit. After a few seconds, she is talking to someone, asking for Sam Harvelle. Her expressions suddenly turn sour and a frown appears on her forehead. She finishes the call shortly and puts the phone back in the cradle. Her mouth is closed in a tight line and Dean suddenly starts feeling weird. She looks at him with the same expression and says in a grave tone.

"Mr Harvelle is at the nurse station, I couldn't find out what happened to him but I was assured it is not severe." Dean's stomach drops at her first sentence. All the horrible scenarios starts playing in front of his eyes, not stopping at any one image. His heart is beating faster and he starts taking deep breaths. Now its not the time to start panicking. You are a hunter goddammit. Dean thinks and asks if he could see Sam. The lady tells her the directions. And he makes his way to the nurse station. He stops abruptly at the door. He is suddenly scared of what he would see the other side. Exhaling, he opens the door and braces himself for the worst, heart in his throat. He sees two ladies in white coats in the room. The room is big. Few beds lined with small distances parting them. On the furthest bed, he sees someone lying. He assumes it must be Sam, since no other patient is there at the moment. He stops in his tracks. Out of all the scenarios he had imagined of seeing Sam, this hadn't even occurred to him. Sam was supposed to be safe. But here he was, in a hospital bed. In a college. He makes his way slowly towards the bed. His heart is in his throat. He sees Sam lying on the bed. Completely unscathed. Appearing as asleep to the rest of the world. Dean keeps staring at Sam for a few moments. He is wearing a plain blue shirt and faded blue jeans. He is looking exactly like he looked when Dean saw him at the Road House. He gets the chance to look more closely now, though. Sam's features are soft. There are moles on one side of Sam's nose. Sam is lean, but not in a bean pole way. In a smart way. Dean sees a brown hoodie draped on a chair near the bed. He assumes it to be Sam's since there is no one here, or maybe one of Sam's friend. He pulls the chair and sits on it, facing Sam. Dean is surprised that there is no one here with Sam, maybe they didn't know or had classes. He thinks. Still it is weird not to see anyone with Sam here. He doesn't like thinking of Sam being here, all alone. He should ask the nurse what happened to Sam, he thinks. But he would do it later. He is just sitting there beside the bed, thinking nothing. Just waiting for Sam to wake up. He should feel uncomfortable or awkward, Dean thinks to himself. But he thinks he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. He sees Sam's eyes fluttering. Sam opens his eyes slowly. He is looking around, trying to orient himself, then his eyes land on Dean and he blinks a few times, confusion on his face. Dean smiles wide.

"Hiya Sam.."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Hiya Sam..."

"Dean...? Is it...Is it you..?" Sam says, then mumbles under his breath _I have hit my head harder than I thought.. _But Dean hears it and his smile stretches even wider.

"I didn't know you were so fond of hospitals Sam, and here I thought I would find you in some library, nose buried deep inside some book." Dean says, chuckling.

"Oh... You are...you are really here Dean. God! I never thought I would see you again.." Sam says disbelievingly first, and then he is smiling, and Dean feels like his whole face lights up with the smile.

"But what are you doing here, Dean? Are you okay? Or is something wrong?" Sam asks, concern evident in his voice.

"Okay slow down cowboy, I will tell you everything, once you tell me what YOU are doing here Sam, or, should I ask the nurse'?" Dean finishes off with a frown.

"Oh..." Sam says, lowering his eyes like he is embarrassed of himself.

"Uhh I forgot to take my medicines.." Sam mumbles, more than answers.

"But, first, can we uh go somewhere else..I mean this isn't somewhere you would want to talk.." Sam asks, a little nervously, like he is afraid Dean is just going to leave now, not wanting to go anywhere else with Sam.

"Are you ok to go, let me ask one of the nurse first." Dean says with a frown and starts standing up just when he sees a nurse coming towards them.

"How are you feeling now, Sam?" She asks with faked cheerfulness.

"I am good, thanks." Sam answers, shrugging.

"Can I go now?" He asks eagerly.

"Yeah you can, but don't forget to take your medicines next time. We wouldn't want to see you here again, and I am sure you wouldn't want that either." She says, all professional now.

"Yeah, sorry.." Sam says, looking embarrassed.

"And uhh.. Thank you.." He thanks her politely.

"Oh, none of that.. Now get out of here, you.." The nurse shoos them out of the station, with a smile that reaches her eyes now. Sam has that effect on people, Dean thinks. But then he remembers about Sam's family and just rolls his eyes. Sam takes him to his dorm room. He wonders if its even allowed. The room isn't as small as he expected though. But its still not big enough for two peoples, Dean thinks. The mattresses of both beds looks lumpy. One side of the room is considerably neater and cleaner than the other side. There are no pictures or anything, Dean observes. Dean assumes it to be Sam's side remembering Sam's room at the Road House. But that room didn't look like someone lived there, at all. This is so much better though. Sam puts some things away from here and there and gestures Dean to have a seat. Dean sees a chair and goes to sit there. Sam sits opposite him, on the bed. There is not a lot of distance between them.

"So..." Dean starts. Sam is fidgeting. He is staring at the blue dirty carpet with questionable spots, like there is no better sight in the world than this. Dean clears his throat.

"Umm.. Sam..?"

"Uhh yeah ... I... I forgot my medicines.. I have this intense...umm... headaches sometimes for which I take some pills whenever the headaches start and umm I was getting late today and it just got out of hand...so that's it.." Sam says still looking at the god forsaken carpet. Dean doesn't know what to say. He isn't used to this kind of things. For him, the only hurt is bloody and gory, being thrown away by vengeful spirits and clawed by were wolves and those type of things. He has been hunting so long that he has forgotten that people get hurt from other things that don't go bump in the night. He has become so detached from the normal human beings that he has forgotten what its like to go through those. How to react to those feelings. Sam's voice cut through his train of thoughts and he looks up. "So, what are you doing here?" Sam is looking at him now. No longer sounding confused of seeing Dean here unannounced. He looks tired though. He contemplates giving a lame excuse for a hunt.

"Uhh...I just wanted to see you?.." Dean hears someone saying these words unsurely and realises he has said them. Its like his brain didn't get the message to lie and it just blurted out the truth. Dean is feeling embarrassed by his admission. Looking everywhere but at Sam. Sam hasn't said anything yet. And the silence is starting to become awkward.

"I am glad you came. I never thought I would ever see you again.." Sam says, with a smile as bright as sun. Dean doesn't know when he started to think poetically. But its true. This is the most brightest and genuine smile Dean has seen adorning Sam's face and Dean can't help but smile himself, unable to hide the happiness that Sam is glad to see him. And all his previous insecurities were for no reason that Sam wouldn't even want to see him.

"I am sorry... I just left .." Sam says apologetically and it takes a moment for Dean to realise what Sam is talking about. He is about to say something like it was no problem when Sam says "I called the Road House next day.. To check on you if you were alright... And maybe talk to you and apologise for my abrupt departure... But...you had already left.." Dean is just pleasantly surprised. So Sam just didn't leave like that. He tried to contact him. But Dean had left at the first knowledge of Sam not being there anymore. Dean is feeling giddy with happiness. He wants to roll his eyes at himself for acting like a teenager but he is far too happy to do that.

"You look tired Sam, should take some rest." Dean says, not wanting to elaborate or talk why he just came to see him. Sam looks at him disbelievingly at that.

"Are you crazy? You have just come here man, I don't want to waste the time sleeping. I just woke up, remember.?" Sam says wide eyed. Looking like a kid whose favourite candy is about to be snatched from him and Dean finds himself laughing at Sam's child like expression.

"What's so funny?" Sam says indignantly. And Dean just laughs again. Can't help it.

"Nothing.. Nothing.. And what exactly have you planned Sam, since I just came here and you didn't even know.." Dean asks, amused.

"Uhh whatever you want?" Sam says, embarrassed that he hasn't thought what they should do.

"I don't know Sam. I didn't come here with a plan. You are a student man, and I wouldn't wanna impose. I just wanted to see you. Talk some.." The last Dean says with lowered eyed. Still unsure at admitting wanting to just meet Sam without any necessity or a reason.

"Wha..? No, you aren't imposing. Come on Dean. I don't have friends visiting me everyday and..." And Sam stops.. Realising too late what he just said. He doesn't know when he crossed the bridge between just knowing Dean and a friend. He doesn't even count his friends here as real friends and, Dean, it just feels like he knows him or at the least wants to know him. Sam dares to look up at Dean to see if he caught his little slip.

Dean is smiling. It seems to be the permanent expression on his face since Sam woke up. Sam called him a Friend. And he doesn't know when they became friends. He wouldn't over think it though. He is glad that Sam thinks that way. Sam is looking at him like he just said something he shouldn't have. Hiding behind his bangs which like to fall in his eyes at every other moment. He knows why Sam is looking at him like that. He is gauging Dean's expression at what he just said. But he decides to let it pass.

"I am not leaving today, Sam" Dean assures Sam. And he doesn't even know when he decided that. The only thing Dean had decided was that he will see Sam, maybe stay for half or an hour and then go on his way. What he said now, he doesn't know where it came from. But he isn't taking it back. A day can't hurt anybody.

"Really?! Awesome. You can stay here. I will tell my room mate not to tell anyone and then.."

"Woah woah woah... Cool down Sam, I am not staying here ! No way!..." Dean interrupts Sam before he just plans everything in his mind.

"But...Why?" Sam looks at him, confused, and with an expression that could rival the most innocent puppy.

"For one, its a dorm room.. With two beds Sam.. And have you even looked around the space that is available here?" Dean says rediculously. Sam is not seeing the obvious things.

"I am just gonna stay at a motel not too far from here, you don't need to worry about that.." Dean says, like explaining something to a child who isn't understanding something.

"Ohh..okay.." Sam says dejectedly. He looks so adorable when he doesn't get his way, Dean thinks. And woah.. Where did that come from?

"Now, tell me if you have anything to eat around here. I am starving." Dean asks, patting his stomach.

Sam is strangely, looking embarrassed. A faint blush on his cheeks, which is all kinds of cute.

"I uhh actually..don't have anything to eat..only cereals...I don't cook for myself...so..I am sorry." Sam sighs at the end.

"Can we order something, or maybe go out? If you want?" Sam asks nervously. Dean just shrugs.

"Whatever suits you."

"Okay, let's go out then.." Sam says enthusiastically. Standing up to take his jacket and wallet.

"Are you sure Sam? I mean, are you feeling okay? You have just been from the hospital." Dean asks, worried.

"Yeah I am good Dean, let's go." Sam says smiling and they make their way to the Impala. All the while making small talks. It doesn't even feel like that they haven't known each other for long. Sam tells him about his classes and how he hates some of them and Dean tells Sam about the weird hunts. Sam tells him where to go, and after that they are not talking, Sam just looking outside the window. Dean feels strange in a totally good way, seeing Sam riding the shot gun. Like he belongs here.

After eating at a small, but a nice diner, Sam makes him stop at a grocery store and God knows what he buys from there, but he has an armful of plastic bags with him when he is done.

"What are these?" Dean eyes the bag skeptically.

"Its grocery." Sam looks at him with an expression which clearly says '_duh..what do you expect from a grocery store' _and Dean shuts up.

"But you said you don't know how to cook food." Dean asks, confused.

"When did _I _say that I don't know how to cook? I said I don't cook for myself. And I figured you eat enough diner foods, so a little home cooked, or should I say dorm cooked food wouldn't hurt you." Sam says as a matter of explanation.

Dean is just looking at him. This Sam is such different from the Sam he met at the Road House. But caring, nevertheless. Dean decides he likes this Sam more. He wonders what made him open up though. Dean never imagined Sam would talk with him like this. He is glad though.

"You would cook for me?" Dean asks in a daze. Sam bought these just because he thinks that Dean eats enough of outside food so he would make him food, when he doesn't do it for himself. Can he surprise Dean anymore of how he is so considerate and thoughtful? Dean doesn't think so.

"Yeah...I promise I wouldn't give you a food poisoning inadvertently" Sam says, still with a small smile playing on his lips. Like he has some secret which Dean isn't privy to. And Dean can just nod.

Few minutes after they are in Sam's dorm room, and Dean is chattering away the most mundane things to Sam, who is doing something in the kitchen, which Dean doesn't have any idea about, there is a knock on the door and then the door is opening and a girl with dirty blond hair enters the room followed by one more girl who has short hair resembling a boy cut and a boy with dark brown hair cropped with a cartoonish expression on his face. They are looking at Dean with similar expressions.

"Are we in the wrong room Anna?" The girl with dirty blond hair asks the one with the short hair and just then, Sam walks out of the kitchen. Every eyes turn to him and he looks like a deer caught in a head light.

"Hey, guys." Sam says, with a sheepish expression and a small wave to the new entrants of the room. Dean is feeling awkward just standing there, all eyes on him, again. There is complete silence in the room for a few moments, then the girl with the dirty blond hair clears her throat and addresses Sam, "Who is he, Sam?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Who is he, Sam". Jess asks him, looking at Dean. Sam looks at Dean, saying, "Dean, these are my friends." And then encompassing everyone with his hand gesture and says, "Guys, this is Dean. He is my friend."

All of them are looking at him weirdly now, like he has grown an extra head. Jess moves forward and extends her hand to Dean, "I am Jessica, Sam's girlfriend.. Haven't heard about you before, new friend?" Sam cringes at the word Girlfriend, he doesn't know why. He waits for Dean to reply.

"Yeah, just met back, at his place.. I can't believe Sam here has someone like you though.." Dean says with a wink and Jessica blushes. Sam just shakes his head at Dean, fondly. The rest of them get introduced one by one. Anna is checking Dean out, not even hiding it. And Dean is playing her up, like the big flirt he is. Hayden, thankfully, is just asking small questions like what he does. And Dean is lying like a pro. Like only trained hunters with a life time of experience could. Telling them he doesn't work at a single place, has to keep moving. They are talking with each other, and Sam is happy. He is, but he wishes that they could just leave so that he can spend some time with Dean.

"Oh my God ! We totally forgot why we came here" Jess says, almost dramatically.

"Yeah Sam, I saw you falling down in the class. Although that was very girly.." Hayden says with a grin and gets smacked on the head by Jess.

Sam looks at Dean, Dean is looking back at him with a raised eyebrow and an amused smirk playing on his lips. Sam blushes.

"So, princess here fell down in the class..huh.." Dean says with the same expression, enjoying this a little too much for Sam's liking. Sam wants to erase his stupid smirk off his face and this time, he hits Dean on the head, who is just sitting a little diagonally to him, on a chair. Dean let's out a girly yell followed by ouch.. "What was that for?!" Dean asks..and Sam just smiles. Big.

"Who's the girl, now? Heh" Sam grins.

"Guys ! Focus. Sam. How are you now? And what happened?" Jess reminds them again with an exaggerated eye roll. Sam tells them what he told Dean, getting embarrassed again because he hadn't shared this little tid bit with anyone of them. Dean was the first one to know, and now. Three of his friends know as well. And the rest of them would know vicariously through them.

"So, you are good now. What do you say, we go and celebrate the coming of your friend.. And don't refuse now, Sam.." Anna says the last bit because she saw Sam opening his mouth to interrupt,

"Ah..actually, we already went out today to have lunch." Dean says and frowns. Sam takes in the shocked expressions of everyone in the room except for Dean, who doesn't know why everyone is looking at him like this.

Sam is rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture, his eyes seeming to be glued on the carpet. He really wants to say something, but what can he say. He knows exactly why his college friends are shocked. Just when he is about to say something to diffuse the silence, Jess speaks up in a more shocked tone, if that was even possible, looking at him.

"You went out to have lunch, Sam? When you had classes?" She says incrediously and then turns to Dean saying, "Did you abduct him, is that so? Because I can't believe that he willingly went out when he had classes..no way." The last bit she says like she is talking to herself. He sees Dean taking around the expressions of his college friends, and really, Sam should say something. He really should. But his brain is just not working right now. Maybe residual effects of the pain killer, he thinks. Then he hears Dean saying "uhh, I didn't tell him to go out, he was the one who suggested. Is everything all right, guys?" And Sam just wants the floor to swallow him.

"Sam here, hasn't missed a single class. . class. And he doesn't normally go out with us, even on weekends, we have to practically beg him. Even then, he rarely agrees." Anna supplies, not-so-helpfully. And now Dean is looking at him. And really, when did this turn to a staring contest, except here, everyone is staring at Sam with seemingly same expressions of shock written all over their faces. Sam looks at Dean, eyes pleading. He doesn't know what he is trying to convey to Dean, and why Dean. But he just does. And Dean seems to understand his silent plea and gives a subtle nod, effectively changing the subject and saying, "So, Sam here was telling me earlier that one of his teacher fell asleep during a lecture, reading something from a book? Is it true or was he just exaggerating.." And just like this, the point of conversation is no longer Sam, and everyone is putting there two cents in about silly things that they have witnessed. Sam shoots a small, but grateful smile in Dean's direction, and once again, becomes a silent listener in their conversations. Only talking when being asked something.

They leave after good half an hour later, and Sam takes out a sigh of relief.

"Your friends like to talk" Dean says, flopping down on Sam's bed and stretching his limbs. Sam makes his way to the kitchen, thank God no one saw him cooking. Its another can of worms he never wants to open. He is just making some Chili. He bought the ingredients required for some of the things since he doesn't have anything in the dorm. But he wanted to make something for Dean, not feed him diner food. Dean already eats enough as it is. Perks of staying on the road. He leaves the pot simmering. He cuts some fruits which he also bought today, and brings a plate to Dean.

"What's this?" Dean eyes it.

"They are called fruits Dean, you know this here, the red ones are called apples and these here the green..."

"Shut up.." Dean says, grumbling.

"Do I look like a kid to you Sam, you feeding me fruits.." Dean says, all the while picking a slice of pear very carefully, like it would bite him or something. Sam smiles looking at Dean's expression. And he seems to be doing it a lot since Dean has arrived.

"I am pretty sure eating fruit is not age specific, Dean" Sam says, still grinning stupidly.

"Yeah, whatever..." Dean mumbles, but picks up the plate and puts it on his lap, backing himself on the small head board.

"So..." Dean starts, and Sam just feels he is not gonna like whatever comes from Dean's mouth.

"..what your friends said, you don't go out with them as much as you should... Huh?.." Dean leaves the question hanging.

Sam just shrugs. "Jus' don't feel like it.." Sam grunts, and Dean just nods. Not prying further. And Sam is grateful. He is so not in the mood to tell him about his weirdness. Not now, maybe not ever. After a while, the food is ready, and Sam pours whole of Chili in a big dish and puts it on the tiny, very tiny kitchen table. Putting two bowls and spoons, along with sodas on the table. All things look so congested together on the small table, but they will have to make do with it. He then calls Dean, who is still munching on the fruits, the plate almost clear.

Dean let's out a exaggerated sound of approval when he sees the food and Sam just rolls his eyes. He is like a over grown child, Sam thinks fondly. Not like the hunter he expected him to be. They eat the food in comfortable silence, except for Dean making appreciative sounds after regular intervals and praising Sam for his cooking. Dean eats three bowls of Chili straight. And complaining all the while for the lack of beer, which Sam ignores. Even Sam eats more than usual, helping himself with two bowls of the steaming food and gulping down coke with it. "You should cook more often, Sam." Dean comments after they are done eating. He and Dean put the dishes away and Sam washes them, not listening to Dean a bit when he offers to do it himself. They are just about to make themselves comfortable, when the dorm room opens, and his room mate Brad, walks in. And Sam wants to groan.

Brad isn't his friend. Just his room mate. Thank God for small favours. He gives him a formal greeting, Brad does the same and goes about his business. He won't disturb them, Sam knows. But he just wanted some time to spend with Dean, not worrying about prying eyes. He wishes, not for the first time that he had his own place. He is working up to it. He would soon be able to afford that. Just then, Dean nudges him. Sam turns to look at Dean who says in a whisper, "hey, do you wanna hang out somewhere else? Maybe we can go to the motel or some place. Just not people near in close quarters." And Sam really needs to stop smiling now, he is already looking like a mad man, as it is. People would think he has gone crazy, just smiling like this. He nods his head in agreement, eagerly like a puppy. He just needs to waggle his invisible tail to complete the look. Sam thinks, smacking himself internally.

"We can go to the motel where you are staying, if you don't mind.." Sam asks. Already getting ready to leave. He can't believe himself though. He is happily leaving his dorm room, twice in the day. He will think later about it. He has somewhere to go now, with Dean. He doesn't remember a day well spent like this, despite of it that it started with him at the hospital. He is happy. Not caring that he missed his whole day of classes.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here..." Dean says, grinning. And Sam grins in return.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Dean takes them to the nearest motel. Twenty minutes from the campus. He really doesn't know why he suggested to go somewhere else. Somewhere private. He just wanted to spend some time with Sam. And what is he going to do now? Watch crappy motel's crappy TV? He hadn't thought this far ahead when he said it. Maybe he should have suggested a bar.

He books a room with two queens. He always does that normally. When they enter the room, Sam looks around the room. Like he is taking all the nitty gritty details in. The wallpapers are torn from many places. The bed spread has been bleached so many times it seems that it has lost most of it colour. There is a teeny TV in the room.

"I have never stayed in a motel room.." Sam says, still looking around the room like a kid who has come to Disney World for the first time.

"Yeah well, you haven't missed anything. I wouldn't call this a experience that everyone should have.." Dean says, while salting the doors and windows. He then flops on of the beds, with an appreciative groan.."God, I have sat for so longer today, my back feels like a bench.."

Sam also situates himself on the other bed. Not lying, just propping himself on the head board.

"So, how long have you been on the road Dean..?" Sam asks, and Dean closes his eyes. He hopes Sam doesn't ask why they started hunting, because this is one thing he doesn't want to talk about, can't talk about without ripping all the wounds open.

"Since I was four..Not constantly... Dad used to drop me at Bobby's or Pastor Jim for some weeks, few times, it was for even a month.." Dean says, keeping his eyes closed. Doesn't want to see the expression on Sam's face. Sympathy or whatever Sam must be feeling right now. He doesn't think of himself as someone who needs sympathy because he didn't have a stable place to live. He just doesn't want. When Sam doesn't say anything, Dean opens his eyes to peer at him.. Sam is lying now, staring at the ceiling, with faraway expressions and eyes like he is remembering something. Dean just studys him, he isn't looking like the kid he is. He is looking like someone who has suffered a lot, endured a lot. And its not physical scars he is talking about. His eyes are a picture of deep thoughts, and looking older than he actually is. He wonders why he is like that, then he remembers Jo, blaming him for his father's death is pretty messed up, and it can effect anyone. Dean decides to let it go for now, but he wants to ask something else, that he's been itching to ask since his friends left.

"So.. You seemed quite subdued back there, with your friends..don't you like them or they good for nothing.." Dean tries for humour at the end.. Not wanting it to sound like the serious question it is. Dean is looking at Sam, while Sam contemplates what to say. After a while, Sam just shrugs and says.."They are good people.."

"And...?" Dean says, encouraging.

"Just don't feel very comfortable with them..I guess.?" Sam says skeptically.

"I don't know man why. It is just is." Sam sighs finally. Seeming at a loss of words.

"But you seemed okay with me..you were? Right?" Dean asks.

"Yeah. I am not saying there is something wrong with them.. Just its. .. Its just me. And you..you are...You." Sam finishes eloquently and blushes.

"So you are saying I am special huh? Its not only you man, I seem to have that effect on people..don't think too much on that." Dean says in a manner of joke and winks at Sam, trying to hide how he felt warm at Sam's admission that Sam is comfortable with him. Dean is not gonna admit it goes both ways. Not now, anyway.

"Shutup. You are so full of yourself. You know that, right?" Sam asks, grinning now. The tension that seemed to be growing in the room, completely dissipated now.

"Don't I have a reason to.?" Dean asks with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on his face.

"Yeah..I guess you have." Sam mumbles and turns his head away from Dean, hiding a smile. And Dean. Well, Dean just smiles wide.

"So, you do anything around here except for keeping your nose in the books." Dean asks, changing the subject.

"Yeah.. I work at a store." Sam says.

"Well, I was asking what do you do for fun.. I guess this is fun for you." Dean says, chuckling.

"How do you get time in all your study?" Dean asks, thinking how Sam juggles between work and college. And if he actually needs money,

"Well, the place where I work gives me leeway, the timing is flexible. So, I have arranged my working hours according to my time table. There are some days I don't work as well. And I work most on weekends." Sam provides.

"Ohh.. So when is your shift starting tomorrow?" Dean asks, feeling something close to disappointment.

"Oh yeah, about that... I was thinking, why don't we hang out tomorrow at my dorm? My room mate isn't usually around on weekends... Oh man..shit.." Sam slaps himself on the forehead, remembering something.

"What?" Dean asks.

"My room mate, Brad, he usually goes at his place for weekends. Its 2 or 3 hours drive. I should have asked him if he was leaving today, you could have just stayed there.." Sam says, regretfully.

"Oh... No problem man,and wait.. I don't think it is allowed Sam.." Dean says.

"Oh well, I don't think you care about what's allowed and what's not? Do you? Not even Brad would have known" Sam says with a wink. Looking like a college boy that he is, and Dean wishes that he always is this care free.

"Okay yeah... So you were saying something about tomorrow. You said you work long hours on weekends, and thanks, I am not interested in staying alone in your dorm room." Dean says sarcastically.

Sam throws a pillow at his face.

"You dumb, when did I say you will be alone. I said WE. As in you and me..or do you want to hang out with Anna? I am sure you will have a great time.." Sam finishes off with an exaggerated raise of his eyebrows and a boyish grin.

"Huh no thanks.. But how can you hang out with me when you have work.." Dean is still confused.

Sam looks at him like he isn't getting the obvious.

"I am taking off from work tomorrow..how else. You are as dumb as you look.." Sam says..

"Hey, I don't look dumb.." Sam just rolls his eyes.

"You don't have to do this for me, I can come visit you at your work if that's okay." Dean says, seriously now.

"I am not doing it for you. I want it. I don't remember just having a saturday off while being here. Maybe when I didn't use to work.." Sam also says this with a serious tone. And Dean's chest hurts at how Sam spends his life. Hell, he has more fun than this boy.

"So, what about your friends.. Will they be with us?.." Dean asks, wishing the answer to be No.

"Don't worry about them, they will have their own plans..you haven't even met all of them..they are not much close though. Even Hayden, Jess and Anna aren't free the whole day. They also work. And they always have plans for when they are free.

"You aren't included in their plans?" Dean asks.

"Well, they always ask me.. But I am working on weekends, and when I am not working.. Well they know by now I am not that much outgoing.." Sam says this in a small voice.

"And they don't have to know about tomorrow that I am not working..." Sam says this with a wink. Back to his previous mood. And Dean doesn't know what he should feel, happy that he is going to be spending time with Sam, or sad, that Sam keeps himself almost isolated. But Dean feels privileged that Sam is letting him in. And he is gonna cherish it.

They spend their time talking about everything except themselves, steering clear out of uncomfortable territory. Dean thinks that they have talked enough about that for a day. Sam tells Dean about Jess. How she asked him out first and they have been together since. Dean thinks that Sam is not into Jess that much. He is with her because he just doesn't wanna break her heart. Dean will ask him about that later. Dean tells him about all his weird childhood. Tells him about Bobby, how he has been a father figure for him. About Pastor Jim and some of the other trusted hunters. They talk about general things. Dean brings out a six pack of beer which they share over watching shitty TV and making fun of it. Dean gets tears in his eyes by laughing so hard at one point. Sam has a great sense of humour. You wouldn't know looking at his serious face. Dean doesn't remember the last time he was this happy and content. Not thinking about anything. Not thinking about a hunt or when he will leave. He just stays in the moment. He never thought he will see a Sam who is like this. He never even knew this Sam existed. But that's the point of wanting to get to know. He is pleasantly surprised. He knows he doesn't really know everything about Sam. But he decides to hang on. He will maybe know the whole Sam one day.

"Hey, Can I ask you something?" Dean asks, while they are making their way to the Impala. Sam has to go back to the dorms, and Dean didn't want him to get a cab. So he insisted on dropping him off.

"Yeah ask away, its not like you have been asking for my permission for the last ten thousand questions you have asked." Sam says sarcastically.

"Shut up..I was just being nice.." Dean grumbles.

"Do you have a phone?" Dean finally asks.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I have a phone.." Sam says, like Dean is being ridiculous.

"I haven't seen you using it like I see people typing away on their phones.." Dean says, matter of factly.

"Oh...". Sam deflates.

"Yeah ohh.." Dean mimics.

"I don't use it very often. Just don't need it. Its not like someone who isn't here contacts me or anything. So I just don't bother with it.." Sam says in a small voice. Sam doesn't mention his family, but the message is loud and clear what Sam is talking about. And he thinks about his own dad. He doesn't remember when they talked last time, let alone meet. He shakes his head to clear this train of thought. He so doesn't want to think about it and spoil the good day he has had. Sam is staring out of the window, and Dean starts the car.

Dean parks the car off campus. Not near it. They walk together to the dorm area. He didn't need to escort Sam to his room. Of course he didn't. But he just wanted to make this day a little bit longer. The corridor is quiet. Dean thinks that everybody is out, considering its Friday night. But its getting late. He wonders how late the students can stay out. He sighs internally, at his lack of knowledge on this kind of stuffs. He files it away in the category of asking Sam later.

Sam's room is empty as well. And Sam turns toward him, smiling so bright Dean feels that he can light up the whole room just by his smile.

"Dude!" Sam says enthusiastically, still that Goddamn smile lightening his face. Dean raises his eyebrows in question.

"Brad is gone !" Sam says, like he is about to jump with excitement.

"So?" Dean asks, still not sure what Sam is so excited about.

"You can stay here man!" Sam says.

"What? No ! I am not sleeping on some other dude's bed.." Dean says, shaking his head.

"Come on Dean ! You sleep in a motel Dean, on a daily basis. God knows how many people and what kind of people stay there, and you are objecting on sleeping here." Sam says, trying to placate him. But Dean is taking none of it. He is still shaking his head, refusing to whatever Sam is saying.

"Okay, you can sleep on my bed.. If it doesn't hurt your fragile feelings.." Sam sounds annoyed.

"What? Just because I know you doesn't mean I would wanna sleep on your bed.." Dean grumbles. But it seems like Sam is not letting it go easily and says.."It won't be the first time though.." Sam says, smirking. And it takes a few moments for Dean to remember what Sam is talking about. He groans. "That didn't count !" And Sam is now flat out laughing at him. Dean glares at him.

"Please Dean, just stay. Just bring your stuff in. Please.." Sam says, with puppy dog eyes and Dean wants to disagree, he really wants. But Sam is looking at him like its so important for him that Dean stays, and he just sighs. Hanging his head. And he hears Sam whoop. Dean looks up at Sam, who is grinning ear to ear, and tries his best to glare at him. But he can't muster that up in the face of Sam's child like happiness and sighs again. He needs to learn how to resist Sam. Its not the first time that Sam got his way. Back at the Road house, Dean agreed to stay there just because of Sam's Goddamn expressions. And Sam got his way again, even though both have been for Dean actually, if you look at it technically. But the point is not about it. The point is, Dean is so easy when it comes to Sam, and it hasn't been long in their 'friendship?' Dean actually thinks that with a question mark in his head. But whatever. Sam is not getting his way next time.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Sam and Dean go back to retrieve Dean's stuff from the Impala. Dean makes sure to park it in a place where it won't be visible to the people walking by. They sneak into the dorms and when they are safely inside Sam's room, Sam locks it and Dean salts the door.

"Hey, you can go and change.. I will change the bed sheets." Sam says, taking out some new bed spreads out of the chest of drawers.

"I was just kidding, you don't need to do that, and I will just take your room mate's bed." Dean says, he was just trying to get on Sam's nerves when he said that. It seems Sam took it a little seriously.

"Okay, at least take my bed." Sam says, not listening to Dean's any objection. Dean sighs. Sam doesn't listen to him. He takes out some comfortable clothes for the night and makes his way to the bathroom. He is sharing a room with Sam, and not just any room. His dorm room. He can't believe what's happening with him, or what he is letting happen to him. Dean can't help but be surprised at Sam's ability to persuade. Sam doesn't argue. And Dean thinks that's the main reason why Sam is getting his way with Dean. Sam just changes his expressions resembling to a kicked puppy..and BAM.. Dean is gone. Sam would have been Goddamn helpful if he was a hunter, he would just flash his puppy dog eyes to the witnesses, and they would turn into goo. But he is glad, so much glad that Sam doesn't hunt. He doesn't want to see Sam in that kind of life. Sam deserves the world. And there is nothing in the hunting world for Sam. And he is thankful to whatever deity that Sam didn't think about going in his family's foot steps. Hunting is a dangerous gig, and just the thought of Sam in danger is sending chills to Dean's spine. He shakes his head, clearing whatever gory image formed in his mind of Sam hunting and in danger, and proceeds to go about his nightly routine.

After Dean is done with the bathroom, Sam does the same.

"I am hungry." Dean states when Sam has changed into soft looking black cotton pants, and a faded blue T-shirt, looking really young.

"Let me heat up the left over chili and meanwhile you can take out the beer you sneaked in hiding from me, or should I say tried to hide from me.." Sam says with a wink and makes his way to the kitchen.

"Wha... ?" Dean mockly stammers..

"What are you even talking about, Sam?" Dean says with wide eyes, trying to go for looking innocent but failing spectacularly. Sam laughs, and Dean doesn't think he would ever get tired of listening to Sam's laugh. Its like ocean waves clashing together, creating a beautiful harmonic music.. And now Dean is a poet as well. Congratulations.

"Yeah sure sure, Mr-trying-to-be-sneaky-but-couldnt-be-more-obvious Winchester." Sam says this with making full air quotes. And who does that? Apparently, Sam.

"I was not obvious, you were just stealth, and I wasn't even trying to hide from you. You wouldn't have known otherwise.." Dean comes back with a lousy retort, and on top of that, he is sounding so whiny even to his own ears, only stomping on the floor is lacking, otherwise he will be acting like a complete 8 year old boy and not 26 year old that he is. He grumbles at himself after that. Sam's laughter echoing in the stillness of the room and making Dean want to join him. But he has a rapport to maintain so he just turns his back and rummages in his bag to take out the beers, which he really did try to hide from Sam's eyes. Operating word here being tried. The remnants of Sam's laughter touching Dean like a caress and he smiles out of the sight of Sam's eyes. His smile is more meaningful this time. It carries deep affection and fondness for the boy who has turned his life upside down, and a very profound bond he feels with Sam. He feels it deep into his bones. And he doesn't regret meeting Sam. Wouldn't want Sam to be any other way but what he is. And he is not going to give up this feeling of deep connection with Sam just because he is afraid. He is afraid, because he doesn't get attached. But even he knows it will be stupid of him to let this go, to let the happiness go that he has found in Sam's friendship. He isn't ashamed of admitting anymore that he has made a friend,possibly the first real friend. He wants to keep this feeling forever with him if he has any say. Sam calls him for food and Dean comes out of his reverie.

They eat the food in comfortable silence, Dean with his beer, Sam with his Goddamn Juice and Dean is having the best day of his life, in a dorm room with someone who is not even a hunter, actually isn't very fond of hunting if Dean has observed correctly, and Dean is happy, with Sam who is a polar opposite of him in every aspect. And Dean doesn't mind, and Sam doesn't either if the lines of laughter he can see on Sam's face are anything to go by.

"I am going to buy some movies tomorrow, this TV here is Brad's and he told me I can use it. But I never have. And I don't have any movies.. Or maybe we can download..." Sam says while making himself comfortable on his room mate's bed. Dean interrupts

"No, no downloading. Nothing can replace the CDs man.., I hate this modern technology crap."

"Okay, oldman, as you wish..". Sam says grinning.

"Oh.. Me, I am the old one? Are you really sure..". Dean says emphasising the word I with great exaggeration.

"You are older than me, so that makes you the old one...or if you were thinking in other terms.. Well if the shoe fits.." Sam turns his answer cleverly in another direction and Dean is just left glaring uselessly at a grinning Sam. Even Dean is lying on the bed now. They are facing each other from different beds and talking about the most inane things they can find. Dean also tells him about all the adventurous and weird hook ups he had in the past and has the pleasure of seeing a furiously blushing Sam. They talk till late, not aware of anything going around them. Dean doesn't notice that he doesn't have his cell phone. He always keeps his cell phone near him even though it very rarely rings or vibrates. But when it does, its normally something really important. The phone is in his jeans pocket which he changed earlier. And its folded in his duffel bag now. They sleep after they are too tired to laugh and talk anymore. Both looking forward to the next day.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The next day, Sam wakes up by a loud pounding and he wonders who is at the door this time. He is a little disoriented, but soon remembers the last day, and a small smile forms around his lips. He looks at his own bed. Dean is still sleeping, seemingly peaceful. He is lying on his stomach, all sprawled out. Mouth hanging open a bit. Sam shakes his head fondly at the sight. Sam also realises, that the pounding is not on the door actually, its in his head and it feels like his brain wants to beat out of his skull. God he hates it. He doesn't want to spend the whole day suffering from this Goddamn headache. He quickly decides to take medicine. He shouldn't be taking them in quick succession, since he just took some yesterday, but really, he doesn't have the time for this shit today. He sees the clock at the night stand, its actually not that early, since its 9 already. The curtains are draped very skillfully though. Or maybe the weather is just nice. Whatever. He gets up, trying to make as less sound as possible so that Dean doesn't get disturbed. He takes a shower quickly and decides to make some breakfast. He gets busy in the kitchen.

Its almost an hour later that he comes out of the kitchen with a tray in his hand which has two mugs of steaming black coffee. Sam saw Dean taking black coffee at the Road house, so he considers this is what Dean prefers. He puts the tray on the night stand and goes to open the curtains. Dean has slept enough now. But Dean seems undisturbed by the light. Sam then shakes Dean's shoulder to wake him up, and Dean wakes up with a start, hands going under the pillow to hold on the gun which he stuffed it before sleeping. Hunter instincts. Sam thinks. Green eyes look up with confusion and then realisation dawns on them. He relaxes, "What time is 't?" Dean asks with slurred syllables.

"Time for you to wake up, sleepy head." Sam says smiling.

"Why are you so perky early in the morning.." Dean grumbles while sitting up. Sam offers him the coffee and Dean perks up, grabbing the cup from Sam's out stretched hands and scoots to the side to make place for Sam to sit. Sam sits with his own cup of coffee. Their knees touching slightly and they consume the coffee in relative silence, the sound of birds chirping outside, serving as a background music.

"Hey, why don't you go and freshen up. I will set the table for breakfast." Sam says, standing up.

"Thanks." Sam turns at the sound of Dean. Dean continues "I don't remember having coffee like this in bed...since you know, always alone and all that." And Sam resents hunting a little more at this. This is what hunting does to you. It makes you lonely and isolated. And Sam wishes Dean had a hunting partner so he wouldn't feel like this. Someone who truly cares for Dean. Sighing, Sam makes his way to the kitchen.

Dean praises his cooking skills while they are having breakfast and Sam just shrugs it off. Sam has never made anything for anyone. He doesn't know why Dean has been an exception. No wonder his friends were so surprised. And this brings up again his missed classes from yesterday, which he isn't still caring about. Neither the work he has taken off from. And he can't say its solely because of Dean, because Sam had wanted to do it. Dean is an anomaly, and all his normal rules and regulations, and how Sam spends his life doesn't apply when it comes to Dean. But he is happy, so he doesn't really care.

They clean up together, Dean rather insistent this time so Sam lets him help.

"You know, if I stay more with you, I might just lose my DeanAwesomeness card.." Dean says, wiping his hands on a hand towel after doing the dishes. Sam snorts "Dude! What the hell is that you said? You fond of making up things? And I didn't say you to do anything. You were insisting. Next time, I am not listening to you." Sam says, all the while wishing that there is next time. He hasn't forgotten the reality of the situation. Dean is a hunter, and Sam shouldn't forget that. He knows he can't expect Dean to be around frequently, hell even if he sees Dean in months, it won't surprise him. But it doesn't mean Sam is supposed to like it. But he will take whatever scrapes he can. He is just thankful that Dean is here, that he decided to come. And he is spending time with Sam. And Sam doesn't want this to be over. Dean hasn't said anything about leaving yet and Sam is not going to bring it up. He doesn't want to ruin his day by thinking about Dean's departure, so he doesn't ask.

"Hey, why don't I show you around the campus? And after that we can pick up the movies and hole in the dorm room." Sam suggests. Dean shrugs, but says "what if your friends see you?"

"Hm, I dunno about that, its not like we can just avoid them.." Sam says, a frown appearing on his forehead.

"Don't you like them?" Sam asks. Because even he knows that his friends are pretty funny. Why he doesn't hang out with them is a complete different story. But why Dean doesn't want, Sam doesn't understand. Dean would enjoy their company. Their company will be more enjoyable than Sam's.

"Its not that, your friends are pretty cool man. But I don't have the time to entertain or get entertained by a bunch of other peoples who I don't care about." Dean says and it warms something in Sam's chest hearing that. Dean just said indirectly that he cares about Sam, and that is just the best thing to happen today. He smiles softly. Sam shows him around the campus, the library, which Dean jokes about to be Sam's dream home. Sam smacks him with one of the books. After that, they buy some B-rated horror flicks and some action movies. Dean suggests taking something for lunch but Sam refuses that he will make something himself. They reach the dorm without encountering any of his friends, thankfully.

"Start the movies and I am going to prepare for lunch.." Sam says, making a mental list of things he needs for lunch.

"What are you making?" Dean enquires. Sam shrugs, "you will see." Its nothing special or anything. Dean will probably know just by the smell since its not like the kitchen is far away from here, but still. Dean takes an awful lot of time just to decide which movie to put first, and Sam suggests he just close his eyes and pick something randomly. Which thankfully, Dean follows and finally puts a movie in. Sam is making some type of chicken dish and is on the stove. He has brought a bowl of popcorn and put it between them.

"I can't believe people are supposed to believe this shit man. Its as fake as it comes." Dean comments on a scene where some kind of ghost is trying to be scary, but really, is just looking like something out of a kid dream. They laugh at that for several minutes. Sam checks on in his cooking from time to time. Time is passing so fast with Dean, he doesn't even register it. They are halfway on their second movie now. This one an action movie. Sam has already announced the lunch will be ready in half an hour and they are eating after finishing this movie. Meanwhile, they have consumed three bags of Doritos as well as sodas and Sam will swear till the end that he didn't even eat a whole packet. Dean is just a bottomless pit. They are watching a scene where the hot chick is doing something on her cell phone, when Dean gives a big 'Oh my God!'. Sam turns to him and asks "What?, the girl is good and all, but don't you think your reaction is exaggerated?" Sam says this with a smirk but immediately his expressions grow serious when he sees Dean standing up and going to his duffel bag, looking a little pale. Sam is worried now.

"Everything alright Dean?" Sam asks, concerned by Dean's sudden actions. Dean doesn't reply, he is just ruffling through his stuff and then he takes something out from one of his jeans pocket. Its the one Dean was wearing yesterday, maybe. Sam suspects. Dean has taken out his cell phone from his pocket, and Sam thinks that's why Dean got all panicky because he forgot about his phone. Sam is just about to relax when he hears a sharp intake of breath from Dean. Dean is looking freaked out, and freaking Sam out in return. Dean's face is turning paler by the second as he scrolls on his phone and says, "My Dad is going to kill me."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Dean hasn't said anything yet, he is trying to call someone, most probably his dad. But Sam already knows what its gonna be. Dean is going. He will just leave like he came. It was a pleasant surprise when Dean came, now his sudden departure is also a surprise. But pleasant? Not so much. Sam should have known. He was getting too happy, too comfortable. It had to end. And rather sooner than later. Because its just his luck. His luck of being blamed for his father's death. His luck that the person he actually enjoys having to spend time with is a friggin' hunter. Figures. The one thing he stayed away all his life from, now is one of the most important part of his life. This little time with Dean, and Sam is already attached. All the fears he used to have with his dad hunting, now associated with Dean as well.

"I have to go. Dad had sent me co coordinates last night, and since I didn't acknowledge it. He called me, several times. I forgot my phone in the jeans pocket and its usually on vibrate, God, I should call him probably now.." Dean says blabbering, unlike his usual self. Not stopping to take a breather.

"Hey, Hey, calm down. Just call him and tell him you were busy.." Sam says, not quite understanding why Dean is on the verge of panic.

"My dad Sam...you just don't know..." And then Dean abruptly stops, shaking his head. Like he was saying something he shouldn't have. And Sam just wonders what it is. And its not like this is the time to ask. Dean is still trying to call, maybe his dad isn't receiving. Then he hears Dean saying on the phone.."Dad..I.." He stammers and then... "Yes Sir." Dean finishes with a monotone voice. Completely devoid of any emotion.

"Everything alright?" Sam asks, closing the TV and making his way to the kitchen. He quickly takes out some bread and proceeds making sandwiches. He highly doubts that Dean will stay for lunch anymore. He is already so tensed.

"I have to go, Sam.." Sam hears Dean saying, and he thinks that Dean is sounding somewhat regretful. Sam doesn't know for what.

"I know." Sam replies in a small voice. All the while making quick work for the sandwiches.

"Lunch?" Sam asks, even though he already knows what Dean's reply is gonna be.

"I think I will pass. I have to leave right now.." Dean says, already set ready to go. This is what life on a road means, Sam thinks. Ready for whatever at a seconds notice.

"Just wait a second". Sam says and gets the lunch box he prepared and hands it to Dean.

"What's this?" Dean asks, taking the box from Sam and eyeing it skeptically.

"I just packed some sandwiches for you, for the road..you aren't eating lunch anyway, so just eat it on the road.." Sam mumbles. Dean nods almost imperceptibly, then opens his mouth to say something and then closes it at the last second. Its almost awkward, standing like this. Neither of them saying anything. Sam doesn't know what to say. And it seems Dean doesn't have any idea either. Nonetheless, Dean clears his throat and says in a raspy voice "I am sorry. I didn't mean to duck out Sam..Its just that I.." Sam interrupts him before he goes any further. He knows how it goes. He knows this song like the back of his hand. Its not the first time something like this is happening. It happened with his dad plenty of times to even count. He remembers, it was his birthday one day, he was so happy because his dad was there for what seemed like for the first time on his birthday. Sam was having one of the happiest day of his life. Just when Sam was about to cut the cake, his dad's phone rang and after he finished the call, though he didn't say anything, but he may have been screaming on the top of his lungs for all that mattered since Sam just understood by the look on his dad's face that he was leaving. Even though he didn't know what was going on at that time. But he knew enough that his father wasn't like every other father. He didn't come with him on parents meeting day, he didn't used to go to the play ground with him. Mom used to say its the work, but Sam still kept asking, insisting. And after a while, when he knew, not all of it, just enough. He stopped saying anything. At all. They finished celebrating the birthday party. But it was not the same for Sam. His dad left after the celebrations, and a pat on his back that he will be back soon. Sam didn't ask or say anything. Didn't even ask him to stay for at least his whole birth day. He had learnt to just keep quiet, since saying anything was futile. Was just going to hurt him more than it already did.

"I understand. Its okay." Sam really tried to maintain a calm voice, like he doesn't care, but his voice cracks between somewhere and he suddenly wants Dean to just leave. What's the use in prolonging the inevitable. And anyhow, Dean is just leaving any second now.

"Can I...can I have your number..?" Dean asks hesitantly, like Sam may refuse. Like Sam wouldn't want to do anything with him after this. Sam nods slightly, unable to say anything but recite his number which Dean feeds into his phone. Sam goes over to Brad's night stand and picks up his phone and hands it to Dean. Dean understands and stores his own contact number in Sam's phone. And hands it back to Sam without saying another word. Dean then picks up his bag, making hand gestures towards the door and starts walking. Sam follows him. He stays behind Dean the whole way to Dean's car. Not saying a single word to each other. The silence seeming to take place of the easy chatter that came to them naturally, which only comes when two peoples have known each other for years. But now its anything but that. Its exactly like how two people say good bye when they barely know each other, not sure if they are gonna see each other again or not.

Dean puts his duffel in the trunk, and comes to stand on the driver's side door. Sam is just looking down. Can't seem to look up.

"Thank you Sam, I had a really good time..I wish...I wish it could have gone as we planned..." Dean says in the same raspy voice. Sam looks up at him. Wants to say so many things like 'tell me you'd come back, tell me you will call me, stay in touch' but none of them comes out of his mouth. What comes out is "Just take care of yourself Dean. Be safe.." And Sam realises that's actually what matters the most to him. He just wants Dean to be okay. Its like a revelation, where Dean's safety is one of the most important things for him. Dean nods.

"You also take care of yourself princess, no more falling in the classes anymore? You get that. Take your damn medicines on time. I don't wanna see you next time in a hospital. 'Kay?" Dean says in a serious tone, despite his words.

"Yeah I will, Dean." Sam replies finally a small smile gracing his lips. He has the sudden urge to hug Dean tightly and let him know how much he doesn't want him to go, how much he is going to miss him and how much he wants him to come back. But he doesn't do that. Doesn't have the courage. Doesn't know how Dean will react, so he represses his urges. Dean claps him on the shoulder, and leaves his hand lingering there a little longer. Sam leans into the touch and closes his eyes briefly, trying to savour this moment with Dean. Dean then removes his hands and Sam still feels the phantom touch of his hands on his shoulder. Dean finally says good bye and sits in his car. Sam moves back a little. Dean lingers there for a few seconds and then finally starts the car and pulls out of the space they were parking. Sam's eyes following the car till he can no longer make it out.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sam goes back to his dorm with loaded steps and a heavy heart. It doesn't even feel like Dean was here, all traces, along with him are gone. The only thing that indicates Dean was here is the sweet aroma coming from kitchen because Sam essentially cooked that for Dean. He suddenly feels nauseous and wishes that the smell just goes away. He opens the window full to let fresh air in. He suddenly isn't hungry, isn't in the mood to do anything. He doesn't even eat, his stomach is churning and if he eats anything, he is sure he will throw up. He just lies down on his bed. His bed is smelling like gun powder and oil and Dean and a fruity soap that Sam keeps in the bathroom. The weather is not so pleasant anymore. Sam doesn't know why he is feeling the way he is. Why he is so disappointed and hurt. Its nothing he didn't expect coming. Sooner or later, it was bound to come. It just came a little sooner though. It felt like they were in a bubble where the whole world didn't matter, not even existed. Its not like Dean was here to stay. Sam just needs to stop over reacting. He shouldn't be effected like this anymore. He wasn't, before, he just had better control over things. But with Dean, his emotions are all over the place. He just wants to take a breather, to keep all the thoughts of Dean out of his head. To keep all the what ifs in a box which is far far away for him to reach. Because what ifs don't matter in a hunter life's. There is no doubt, there is only certainty, in what they do. They really don't care of the 'what would happen if this happens'. Not at all. So Sam needs to suck it up. Like he always used to do with his dad. To just hope that he comes home safely. But with Dean, its entirely different. Just the thought of Dean getting hurt is driving him crazy. And Dean isn't even supposed to come back to him. And Sam has no way of knowing how Dean is. He can't just call Dean and ask. Dean will find it really weird. Because for Dean, its what they do. Its nothing big to them. So Sam doesn't know what to do about the knowledge that he will only know about Dean when Dean chooses to tell him. He knows Dean likes what he does. It doesn't mean Sam is supposed to like it. He just hopes for Dean to be all right. That's why he stayed away from God forsaken hunting and the hunters. And he got involved in one. How very smart of him. But its not like he did it deliberately. Dean just came in his life and jumped over all the barriers Sam had erected. He didn't even have to try. Its like he was just always there, inside the barriers. When Sam first saw Dean, who offered him to help with a soft voice, Sam was just sold at that moment, he thinks. Then Sam got to know Dean a little more, and Sam found a friend in him. Despite all his insecurities, and all the hurt. Sam doesn't regret meeting Dean. He probably never would. And he wouldn't want him any other way too. Dean is really a caring person. And a kind hearted soul. Sam understands for a fact that Dean is one of those peoples who actually like helping others. And not just because they are driven by some sort of twisted vengeance. Its not like Sam was really happy with how his life was. He couldn't even get attached to the people he always wanted to be like. He isn't overly fond of normal. But with Dean, he was actually happy. He liked doing all the normal things with the person who is far away from normal. Its ironic. The things he was supposed to do and like with normal people, he is craving with the person who couldn't be far away from normal anymore if he tried. God, his life is full of drama. Sam thinks. He is exhausted, wants to sleep. He feels like he hasn't slept for days when last night was probably one of the most peaceful sleep Sam had had. And he also needs to stop thinking. Stat. He closes his eyes, trying to will away all the churning thoughts and the headache he feels building up. He keeps the phone near him. His brain not expecting anything, but his heart can't stop itself from hoping 'just in case'.. This is what he tells himself.

Dean is finished off with the hunt his dad sent him coordinates of. He still can't believe that he forgot about his phone with Sam. It never happens. Dean keeps his phone with himself even though no one calls. Just rarely, Bobby and his dad. Dad, most of the time to know about something or informing him about a new hunt. And that's what happened on the weekend. His dad wanted to tell him about a new hunt, and he didn't have his phone with him. Infact, completely forgot about it. His dad didn't want to hear his 'excuses' though. Too busy in whatever he was doing. Dean was having a really good time. Content in a way he had never been. Doing the simple things that he isn't used of doing. Helping Sam, watching lame movies and making fun of it. Arguing with Sam about the crappy moves in the movies and just acting normal. Sam taking care of him like no one had in a very long time. Why wouldn't Dean be happy. Sam's genuinity and sincerity was shining through his whole being. It was like Sam was actually happy that Dean was there. And what had Dean done? He felt bad just leaving him like that. Not going through the plans. He saw Sam's posture practically deflating in front of him when Sam realised that Dean is about to leave. He thinks Sam knew even before Dean had said anything. But he couldn't do anything about it. It was his fault anyway. He shouldn't have made any plans. Shouldn't have encouraged Sam of making any plans. Shouldn't have acted like he had all the time in the world when he knew how his work is. He also knew that Sam understood it. Didn't hold it against him, but Sam was clearly not happy. Sadness was practically radiating out of him in waves and engulfing the whole atmosphere around. Dean wanted to take that feeling away from Sam. Didn't want Sam to be unhappy about anything. But he was the reason Sam felt that way. It was hurting him to see Sam like that. His shoulders slumped, mouth down turned. Dean wanted to leave so he didn't have to see that expression. They didn't even talk normally after Dean announced that he was leaving. Infact, they didn't talk at all. The air was tense around them. It dissipated some when Sam told him to take care of himself. It was like a heavy weight lifted from Dean's heart that Sam wasn't mad at him. Dean doesn't know when he is going to see Sam. But he sure as hell will, and also make up for his sudden departure. He just hopes Sam would still want him in his life.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Its been more than two weeks and three hunts more under his belt since Dean left California. And a very raging argument with his dad for the fiasco which took place at California. Late reaction. Dean thinks. But a very intense and raging one for that. He is in Virginia as of now. In another off the road motel room which are same everywhere even though Dean can tell what differences lie in each of the motel. But still they are all the same. Dean doesn't know why he doesn't go in one of the nicer places. He can afford it once in a while. Its not like its his own money on the counter. But he doesn't do that. Doesn't like wasting money unnecessarily if he can help it. Sometimes he laughs at his own morals. He lies through his teeth to get his way, but doesn't want to waste some unsuspecting citizen's money.

He has been sitting on one of the beds with a beer bottle in one hand and his cell phone in another hand. He has been holding his phone for the last half an hour now. Contemplating whether he should call or text Sam or not. He decides he should text since he doesn't know what Sam will be doing right now. But again, he really wants to talk to Sam. He should leave a message saying that Sam should let him know when he is free so Dean can call him. Ugh ! Since when does he needs to think this much on such things. He is not a high school boy. He is friggin' 26 year old dude. He should just do what he intended to do in the first place. Without further thinking, he dials Sam number which is on a speed dial even though he hasn't contacted him once. The phone starts ringing and he immediately wants to back out but its ringing already and Sam would know that Dean called, so its better to go through it. Dean holds his breath, anticipating hearing Sam's voice any second but it doesn't come. The phone goes to voice mail and Dean takes out a breath he was holding, with a sigh. Maybe Sam doesn't have his phone, he thinks. He remembers asking Sam about it and the kid had said that he doesn't keep his phone with himself a lot. Its not like he expects someone to call. He is well aware how Sam isn't social like normal people, and well, Dean shouldn't be surprised. But he is disappointed, just a little. He really wanted to talk to Sam. Maybe when Sam sees his missed call,he will call him back. He is immersed in his thoughts that he doesn't even feel the vibration of his phone for a while and when he sees the caller ID he almost drops his phone in the hast to pick it up.

"Hello", Dean says like a child. Too happy to care about how giddy he is sounding at the prospect of talking to Sam after more than a little two weeks.

"Dean..." Sam says with a long breath and a sigh. Like he is relieved to hear from Dean. Dean is basking in it, cherishing it. The sheer relief he hears in Sam's voice. Dean wonders if Sam had been waiting for his call and now Dean feels dumb for even thinking that Sam wouldn't wanna talk to him. Was mad at him. They don't speak for a few moments, then, Sam says, "Uh.. I was in class, that's why I couldn't receive the phone..." Sam says and it takes a moment for Dean to realise what Sam is talking about since he is still too busy thinking about that he is actually talking to Sam that he almost misses it. Almost. God, Dean needs to get himself together and act like his age and not some 12 year old with a crush. He just hopes he doesn't stutters. But if it continues like this, he may just do that as well. "uh..uhm its okay, but uhh shouldn't be going to your next class? " Dean asks and he immediately wants to smack himself on the head. Sam would think Dean doesn't wanna talk to him. Ugh. He is really dumb. He wants to say something not to sound as he previously sounded when Sam speaks up, "Umm, actually i took a pass from my class.. I saw you were calling so I came out of the class as fast as i could.." Sam says, sounding embarrassed and Dean can just picture him rubbing his neck and looking down, and he smiles to himself. And then it registers what Sam actually said to him, "Wait... Your class is still going on and you friggin took a pass so you could call me.. ?" Dean asks, ridiculously. " I.. I Dean .. I just wanted to hear from you and know how you are.. I couldn't wait more for you to get around and call me, okay?" Sam stutters through his explanation and almost sounds small at the end. Dean feels bad and a little happy simultaneously, knowing Sam did this for him. Left his friggin class just so he could talk to Dean. And Dean shouldn't be surprised. Really, he shouldn't. Its not like Sam has done this type of thing for him for the first time. He left all his classes before so that he could spend time with Dean when his friends claimed that Sam doesn't miss a class. But it doesn't fail to warm Dean anytime Sam does that and it hasn't certainly now because he is smiling like a fool. But what he says is ." You don't have to do this for me Sam. You could have called after the class." He really doesn't want Sam to be missing classes for him. Its not like Dean wouldn't have picked up at a later time.

"Yeah... I know. I just. .. I just don't want to get you caught up in me at a wrong time. I wouldn't know what you would be doing at a given time and if it distracts you during something important..." Sam trails off, once again leaving Dean completely stunned by showing how considerate he is. He didn't call Dean because he was worried that it might be a wrong time for him and he can get hurt. God, who thinks that much. Dean is once again surprised by how caring Sam is. He shouldn't be by now, but he is. He wonders if Sam would ever stop surprising him.

"Umm you can text me whenever you want if you don't want to call. Kay?" Dean says this in a soft voice. Not wanting Sam to think that Dean is taking this all for granted. Because he isn't. Normally, Dean would have rolled his eyes at this type of comment, and would have come back with a sarcastic remark, but he has a feeling this means something to Sam. He tries to lighten up the mood.

"But you haven't yet asked me how I am doing though.." Dean says this so to take them out of the intense conversation. He has a tendency to go off tangent when talking to Sam and spill his guts. He certainly doesn't want to do it on the phone, neither in front of Sam if Dean has any say in it. He doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of Sam. Sam would know also how pathetic he is, if he doesn't already thinks so.

"Oh yeaa... I haven't?" Sam asks, in a low drawl...stretching the words like he wants them to reach the insides of Dean, not only his ears, and Dean thinks Sam has succeeded probably because Dean feels a stirring in his stomach, not unpleasant though. Quiet the contrary, but Dean isn't going to admit that though. Dean wonders how Sam got that twang.

"You are okay, though, right?" Dean hears Sam's voice,this time, all previous confidence and cockiness and everything that was making Dean feel weird, gone. Just concern left there.

"Yeah I am completely fine.. How have you been, anyway? Any more chick moves you made?" Dean tries at humour, hoping to relieve Sam of the tension that Dean heard creeping in his voice.

"Hmm.. I am fine, too.." Sam replies and Dean thinks he is sounding a little distracted. Like he is thinking something else. Dean can easily picture Sam's face as of right now, lines appearing on his forehead, his mouth turning down in a deep frown like he is trying to solve the mysteries of the world but isn't able to do. Funny how Dean is fluent in Sam now, and Sam is not even here. He sometimes can't believe himself that he has known Sam for just a little longer. It really feels like he has known him for years. Feels like he is used to Sam being around him. Because he has missed Sam in the last two weeks. Like Dean isn't used of living without Sam. Like Sam has always been there with him that his absence is feeling like a lost limb. Dean missed his easy and genuine smiles. His ability to make Dean forget that there is a world out there. Forget everything, except for the moment where he and Sam exist. Dean is immersed in his thoughts, yet again, when he hears Sam's voice, concern still etched into his tone, "You would tell me when you get bad hurt? Right Dean?" And Dean wants to tell him that Sam shouldn't worry about these things. Getting hurt is Dean's business after all. That's how he can save other peoples lives. And that, even if Dean tells Sam about it, what is Sam gonna do? He can't do anything.. Because Sam won't be there with him at the time. But Dean has a feeling that its not going to go over well with Sam. So he just grunts "Yeah" non commitally. Sam shouldn't worry that much about him. It doesn't only worry Sam, it also worries Dean that Sam is going to be worried. And he doesn't even know what the hell he is thinking. Its a mess. But Dean needs to explain to Sam, as soon as he figures out how. When Dean is meeting Sam again, he is going to tell him that he need not worry about Dean like this. It can't be avoided, so its no use in worrying about it. Sam needs to understand this. Otherwise Sam will drive himself crazy, and in the process, Dean too.

They talk for a little while, Dean emphasising that Sam can contact him whenever he wants and tells him to go for his class and they hang up.

Dean doesn't want Sam to worry about him getting hurt. Its hurting Dean just to think about how Sam was worried and still didn't call, because of Dean, again. He just wishes Sam understands. Little he has idea that he is just going to make it worse.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Sam is sitting at the cafeteria with his friends. The cafeteria is filled with the continuous chatter of students. Sam feels like an outsider sometimes. Everyone is busy doing one thing or another. Sam is just sitting there. A plate of sandwich in front of him, untouched. His mind far far away from here. To some unknown place, to a person who is as different from him as day and night are from each other.

Sam doesn't know how to stop himself from thinking. About his life, about Dean, about everything. He feels tired. Exhausted. Just wishes he could be like every other person who doesn't spend his mind thinking about all the injustice the universe has done to him. Sam knows everyone has their share of bad things. But he thinks they deal better than him. But what does he know about how other people deal with their problems?, it's not like he relates to them in a lot of way. When Sam talked to Dean a few days ago, it dawned on him what actually is happening. Its like he hadn't realised the full extent of what he had gotten himself into. No no... He knew actually what he had, but it was like somewhere in the vicinity of his mind, it was happening differently. Where Sam was trying to ignore all the ways it could go wrong, only emphasising that he wanted to keep Dean in his life, whatever the circumstances ans scenarios may be. He can't even say that he should stop before it gets too late. Before he is too knee deep in it. Because he already is. He just wishes he could make through it. He doesn't want to lose Dean. He has gotten too attached to him in the short amount of time they have spent with each other. He is going to take it how ever he can. He just needs to learn how to live with it if the time calls for it. He is immersed in his thoughts when he hears someone address him. He turns to them, ready to apologise if he missed something when he sees Hayden raise an eyebrow at him. Sam looks at him in question "What? " he asks. Defensively. Like he was caught in doing something which he shouldn't have been doing.

"nothing..." Hayden answers like he was about to say something else but thought better of it at the end. Sam lets it go as well. He makes small talks with his friends and nibbles on his food a bit.

"Hey, do you guys know about the game next week friday?" Jess asks, who is sitting beside Sam, one hand of hers on his thigh and Sam tries to ignore it.

"Really, Jess? You want to go to a game? Have you forgotten our plans of girls night?" Anna asks, like Jess had committed some kind of irredeemable sin by forgetting it. Sam chuckles. His friends are over dramatic sometimes. He wishes he could be like what they want him to be like. He sighs at himself.

The rest of the day just passes as usual. Sam going through the motions of the day. His friends ask him if he wants to go to a bar that night. Sam politely declines, giving some bull shit reason. He is not feeling very good today. Not physically, just... He doesn't know. He leaves the library early and calls it a day. Doesn't even study at home.

He is lying on his bed. Twirling his phone in his hand. He wants to call Dean. Its almost a week since they talked first time on the phone. Even though Dean told him he could call, Sam couldn't get the nerve to call him. Still so conscious of Dean's activities. He was so glad that Dean called that he left his class just to talk to him. And after they had talked, Sam couldn't quietly concentrate on the lecture. He was happy. He was worried out of his mind because Dean had left for the hunt and ge hadn't heard from him since then. So the feeling of his worry dissipating was a welcome one that day. Of course it didn't last that long. Because Dean hunts. That's what he does. And Sam will worry. Its like its another job Sam has taken where he isn't paid and he can't even resign from it. He finally settles on texting Dean. He just sends him a simple 'hey' and puts his phone on volume. He is just putting his phone on the night stand when the phone beeps loudly. Indicating a text message. Sam almost drops his phone by the sound, disturbing the stillness of the room. He looks at the screen for a few moments. The display screen indicating a new text from 'D'. After staring it for a few moments, like its actually going to open just by the power of Sam's mind, Sam opens it and is greeted by a 'hey back' with a smiley and Sam laughs out loud. Surprised that Dean even uses this. Sam figures he should just call Dean now, since it is clear from Dean's reply that he is not after all, busy. He contemplates over it and after a while thinks better of it and his fingers fly on the keypad to write another text.

'So, how have you been?' Sam hits send and waits for the reply. Dean doesn't disappoint, Sam's phone ringing almost instantly and Sam puts it back on vibration. He opens the text 'I am awesome as always. Just doing what I do. You good? I thought you lost my number or something since you didn't contact again..'

Sam thinks what to say of that since he just couldn't get over himself. He is just stupid. What must be Dean thinking about him?. He is still thinking when his phone vibrates and this time its not a message from Dean, Dean is calling. At least Dean is doing what Sam should have done. He picks up the phone.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Dean is at Bobby's. He just arrived here yesterday after a nasty hunt which was sucking lives out of children. God, he hates those monsters more than any other who target the children specifically. Bobby had called him, asking if he was free because he wanted a hand to organise some of his research. Dean knew that it was just an excuse on Bobby's part. Bobby had been asking him for a while now to come for a visit. Bobby was itching for a talk, he knew that. That's why he avoided going at Bobby's. Dean hasn't talked to his father after the last time when he was yelled at. He had tried to call his dad. To meet up with him but his phone was going on to voice mail all the time. Dean was getting worried. And he had told all this to Bobby on one of the calls. So Bobby wanted to talk to him about it. Dean knew. He just didn't want to talk. He knew he was getting worried for no reason. That's what Bobby would also tell him. But Dean couldn't help it. He really wished that he could spend some time with his father. Feel like there is a family. Dean doesn't particularly feel that way now a days. He feels he is alone in the whole freaking world. Sometimes he just wishes he could stop doing this. It feels like he is going through the motions of the life. Nothing feels real anymore. Sometimes it feels like he is watching some sort of messed up movie which he desperately wants to stop watching but can't turn his eyes away from. Like they are glued to it. He is deep in his thoughts when he feels his phone vibrate in his hands. He looks at the screen, and smiles. Its Sam. Of course. Sam feels real. Maybe he is the only thing and only person that feels real to Dean. He allows himself a small smile. He opens the text.

'Dean..'

Sam's new customary greeting. He always says his name whenever he receives his call or sends a text message. Just his name said or written by Sam makes Dean smile.

"Whađdaya smiling at boy..?" Bobby asks. Dean was so much in his head that he hadn't realised that Bobby was there.

"Uhh nothing.." Dean says, looking down. A blush creeping on his cheeks for the reasons he has no idea about. Dean hasn't told Bobby about Sam. Didn't find a reason to. Sam is not a hunter (Thank God) so he doesn't feel the need to tell him about Sam. But Dean wonders if Bobby knows about Sam, and if yes, what he has been told about Sam. Bobby must know that Ellen has a son. Maybe they have told the same thing to Bobby that Jo said about Sam first. Even then, it sounded ridiculous to Dean's ears.

"Some girl you gave your number to..huh? Didn't know you did that." Bobby continues.

"Nothing like that Bobby." He feels his whole face on fire. Just by thinking what Bobby implied. No one thinks that Dean can make a friend. Not even Dean though. But Dean doesn't bother to correct Bobby that it's not a girl. And there is nothing like he is thinking about. But Dean isn't gonna tell him that. He ignores Bobby for the time being. Doesn't have a sarcastic comeback and just shrugs his shoulders. He looks back at his phone and starts typing. Knowing full well that Bobby's eyes are boring into him.

'Hey.. How's college boy doing there? '

He sends the message. And in the next moment his phone starts vibrating indicating that Sam is calling. He suppresses his smile which is trying to crawl onto his face, knowing full well that Bobby is watching him with hawk eyes and that he is gonna start questioning about it again. He excuses himself and goes outside. Not wanting to talk in front of Bobby.

He receives the call once he is outside the house. Deep into the salvage yard. Surrounded by busted cars. Some better than others. He hears Sam's voice, deep and full of smile.

"Dean." Sam's first word. As usual.

Dean finally allows a wide smile on his face that no one is here to see him. Talking with Sam never ceases to make him smile.

"Hey..." Dean drawls it out. Like he has all the time in the world.

"How are you? " Sam asks like he is free as well. Like he is just lazing around in his dorm room like Dean is leaning on one of the busted cars. A scene of beautiful sunset playing in front of him. The sky orange and yellow spreading its hues like colours splashed from a single vantage point. It's beautiful. Dean wishes Sam could be here with him.

"I wish you were here with me.." he hears someone saying this and belatedly realises he has spoken out loud.

"I mean.. the sunset is so beautiful. You would have loved it. Since its up your alley more. Nature and those other types of crap." Dean tries to make it a joke. To conceal how much he actually meant and wanted what he said. Still so weary what Sam would say or think, or if he will make fun of Dean being sentimental. He doesn't care about it, most of the time. He has become quiet comfortable in opening himself up to Sam because Sam has never given him a reason to think that Dean is weak to have feelings, to have moments where he doesn't feel strong, or is just too tired to pretend. Any kind of. Whether its of being unable to do something or of showing Sam that how unworthy he feels sometimes. Even on the phone, Sam never fails to make him feel better. Making him realise that he is important. He remembers one phone call with Sam. Dean was particularly distraught that night. He had called his dad several times and even left voice mails. But there was no response from his father. He wanted to hit the nearest bar to drown out all his insecurities when there was a text from Sam. Dean couldn't ignore Sam even if he tried. He replied to him and after a while Sam was calling him. Dean wasn't really in any mood to talk and he was just about to say the same when he received the call. But just hearing his name from Sam had a staggeringly calming effect on him. He couldn't just say what he intended to because he suddenly didn't want that. He wanted to talk to Sam now. He ended up telling Sam about his dad and how they hadn't talked since that night. He was talking like he was already drunk. He couldn't stop his mind from spewing all the ugliness that he was feeling in his heart. In his soul. Sam had said sorry with such sadness in his voice that Dean felt bad for a moment. Dean had told him how he felt like no one needs him and he is just on his own. Sam had stopped Dean at that. Saying that he needs him, that he is not alone. Sam had said that with such a conviction that Dean had believed him. Dean couldn't say anything to that. So he just let Sam words sink in.

He drags himself back to the present. "I wish I was with you, too.." He hears Sam saying. Dean can hear the honesty in his voice. Knows that Sam is not just humouring him. He means what he is saying and Dean wishes more than anything that it could be true. He is missing Sam with a ferocity now even though he is talking to him. Wants to see Sam with his eyes. To be with him. "I miss you idiot. When are you going to drop by and show me your ugly mug?" Sam says and Dean just about breaks into tears at that. Sam just took Dean's thoughts and translated them into words. He could hear the unsaid things in them as well. They have not met since that eventful time when Dean had to leave suddenly. After the first call, they have been in contact with each other by texts and calls. But he also wants to see Sam. It feels like another life time when he saw him.

"uhh... There is a game here.. This coming friday.. If you ar... If you aren't busy... Can you swing by.. We can maybe...go and see the game? " Sam asks, hesitantly. Once again Sam has beaten Dean to it.

"Yeah... That's cool. Do you want me there by Thursday or friday will be fine?" Dean asks. Trying to down play his emotions that how happy he is to be going to see Sam.

"Whatever is fine by you Dean." Sam says.

"Okay then..." Dean replies. Happiness in his voice. They talk for a little bit. Sam telling Dean how his work is going and he is saving for something which he will tell Dean when they meet. They end the call with 'see you soon' like for the first time. He doesn't remember them saying this because they knew it wasn't going to be anytime soon. Its Tuesday today. Dean is high on the dose of Sam. He can't wait to leave from here that he knows now where he will be headed to. He stands there for a few moments. Looking at the great expanse in front of him and the sun setting. Hoping to catch a view like this with Sam. He remembers Sam telling him how he likes the beauty of nature. But hasn't enjoyed it because he didn't have the chance. It was gone unsaid that Sam didn't actually have anyone with whom he actually wanted to share that. Dean knows Sam is an anomaly. Has known how Sam is different from other normal peoples. Even though Sam doesn't hunt but he wasn't able to escape the emotional scars hunting leaves on peoples. Just knowing about it can effect your life irreversibly. Being a part of it daily, well, Dean is glad Sam isn't in the field. Whenever he thinks about Sam, he thanks whatever diety there is that Sam doesn't hunt.

He looks down at his phone. Scrolls through the conversation he has had with Sam and basks in it. One day when Dean texted Sam, Sam was in his class. And they texted back and forth even though Dean told him that they can talk after the class. But Dean didn't stop replying to Sam and it mounted to really funny but fond memory. And after that one time, Sam texted him from his class saying how boring it was and he just wanted to walk out. It happened two three times with Sam starting texting telling about his on going class even though Dean wasn't there to reply. It was a treat for Dean when he saw the messages, happy that Sam sent him text when Dean couldn't reply. There wasn't a single text asking why Dean wasn't replying or where he was. It showed Dean that Sam knew that it was only because Dean was busy in something or other. Dean read through all the texts which were just inane things. Not of any importance but like a treasure to Dean. Like everything of Sam's is. He replied to all his text messages one after another even though it was hours after the messages were received. But he did that and Sam had replied him with a smiley face. And Dean knew that he did the right thing.

He goes inside after there is a bare shadow of him to be seen. He helps to prepare dinner with Bobby and Bobby gives him intel about the hunting world and what's going on. Dean isn't a least bit interested in what is happening in the hunting world. He is barely able to keep up with what goes in his life, let alone of the wider hunting community. After watching some lame TV, he calls it a night and retires to where he sleeps. He leaves a text message to Sam saying 'Night Sam.. See you soon' and closes his eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Sam is in one of his boring class. He doesn't know why he decided to pursue a career in Law. This shit is so boring. Okay, not that much. Maybe he is just distracted. Its Wednesday today. Dean is coming to meet up. On friday maybe. But he really hopes its on Thursday. So he could have one more day with Dean. When he had called Dean on Monday, he didn't have any intention asking Dean for a game. He had decided that he will let Dean visit whenever it was convenient for him and not force anything on him. But when Dean had said that he wished Sam was there, all bets were off. Sam could no longer keep the promise he made to himself. He had the sudden urge to see Dean right then. Of course he had wanted to see Dean even before that since it's been a really long time that they met. But that one word from Dean broke Sam's resolve and he just wanted to ask Dean to come. The game was the first excuse that came to Sam's mind and he thinks even Dean knows that. Nevertheless, they are meeting in a day or two and Sam is excited like an eight year old kid waiting for Christmas. And it is like a Christmas for Sam. Dean his present. He can't wait for Dean to be here. He really wishes that Dean can make it by tomorrow.

He takes out his phone under the desk to text Dean. He has started texting Dean from the class when he doesn't understand what's going on in the class and what the teacher is trying to explain. It's all garbage to Sam's ear. If someone would have said a few months ago to him that he will use his phone in the class, keep his phone with him like it were the key of eternal wealth and will bunk his classes to talk on the phone, Sam would have just looked at him like he is talking in another language. Because this is not what Sam does, or rather, used to do. Sam is someone who pays attention in classes like its the solution to Holy grail. Missing classes to him is like committing a crime. Sam barely recognises himself now a days. It's like he is a complete different person. And it all comes down to Dean. He is same with everyone else. Nothing has changed with respect to anyone. It seems that only Dean has the power to make him upside down. Or it is because Sam actually likes doing these for Dean. It makes him happy.

He looks at his phone and starts typing.

'I think I should just stop college all together. This class is going over my head.' He types and hits send. His phone vibrates after a few minutes.

'What.. Already tired of it college boy? Don't even think about it though.'

Sam grins. He must be looking like a nut case just grinning like this. But hell if he cares. They exchange some more texts. Sam doesn't has the courage to ask Dean that when he will be arriving. He wishes he could teleport Dean here by mere will of his mind and his intense desire to see Dean. He should try to concentrate on other things too. Dean is coming and there is work to be done. He plans to go to the store today after classes for some grocery. Making a list in his head and also including to ask Dean what he would like. Not that Dean will tell him. He will just say whatever Sam likes. He will try again though. He would love to cook something for Dean, by Dean's sole choice. He has also taken up some extra hours at work today and informed his boss that he would be taking off for few days. He doesn't know how long Dean will be around this time. He is scared to hope. So he doesn't dwell on it. He also arranged for the tickets as soon as Dean said that he would come. Its good that he has a good saving. He hasn't told any of his friends about it. And none of them are going. He just wishes he can get away with it. Its going to be hell if they know about his plans since Sam has always declined this type of plans with them saying he is not interested in Sports. He just wishes everything to be okay. He doesn't want to hurt his friends if they know that Sam has problem with them. Because its not the truth.

The rest of his day is spent distracted. Just thinking about Dean. He doesn't even go to his dorm to get freshen up after all his classes are over. He would regret not going later in the day. He goes directly to his work. And after that he goes for grocery. Finally, he makes his way to his dorm. He puts the key in the lock. The door is not locked of his room. He is surprised because Brad doesn't usually leaves the door open even when he is inside. Sam likes this about him. And Brad isn't even normally in the room at this time today. He comes late because he has late working hours. Sam's hackles rise. He doesn't have any weapon with him. Doesn't feel the need to. There is no noise coming from his room though. Maybe he is just paranoid. He puts his bag and grocery plastic down. There is no one in the corridor at this time. He can hear noises coming from inside other rooms but no one on the outside. Thank God. He slowly turns the knob of the door. His stance akin to fight. He opens the door very slowly as not to make any noise but it makes a creaking sound and Sam gives up the pretence of being quiet and opens the door fast and wide. His eyes almost bug out at what he sees in his room.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Dean is sitting on Sam's bed in all his glory. Sam can't believe what he is looking at. He thinks he is hallucinating. Too much thinking about Dean the whole day has Sam's mind conjure up Dean's image. Sam is looking dumbfounded. He sees his imaginary Dean standing up from his bed, a bright smile on his face that could light up his whole room. He is walking towards Sam, and Sam does the only thing he would have done if real Dean was here. He takes the remaining foot steps to Dean and grabs him in a tight hug and says to himself _I know you are not real. But I am taking what I can _and squeezes the body in his arms more tighter. He then feels the imaginary Dean responding and feels both hands of the Dean come around him. Squeezing him back. Sam is impressed and equally worried about his mind. It is showing him what he wants and also, he has gone off the road.

"Surprise, Sammy." He hears the imaginary Dean say in a small voice near his ear and Sam jolts out of the embrace, not able to go too far because Dean's hands are on his shoulders. Sam then touches Dean's face who he thought to be imaginary but is not quite sure now. Dean makes an expression at that and its so much like Dean that Sam wants to dance in joy. Dean is really here. He is here. And today is Wednesday. And Dean is here. And Sam can't believe it.

"God, Dean..I..I can't believe it.." He says, still in his stupor of Dean. Dean grins and he is just glowing brighter than anything.

"Yeah.. I thought I would just surprise you.." Dean says, smiling and looking down like he is embarrassed. And Sam is so damn happy he doesn't know how to contain in. He smiles even more wider if that is even possible.

"God.. I missed you." Sam says. Awe in his voice. Like he is still comprehending of Dean being actually here. Dean takes a step towards him and hugs him this time. Dean's both arms going around Sam and Sam returns the gesture.

"I missed you too. Couldn't wait till Friday." Dean murmurs in a low tone, his face close to Sam's ears. It sends a shiver down Sam's spine and hearing that grave voice into his ear, he squeezes Dean even more harder. Conveying with the gesture what he is not able to put in words. They just stay like that for a few moments. Neither of them letting each other go. Dean is the first one to extract himself from the embrace. He clears his throat, and gives a little nervous laugh. Sam can see blush across Dean's cheek and he flushes himself. They had a ...umm...rather heartfelt reunion, for the lack of words.

"I guess you were not expecting me..huh?" Dean asks. Now put together.

"Yea... Not even in my dreams. Dean this is just... I mean why didn't you.." Sam is still rambling when Dean interrupts him with a raised eyebrow and amusement on his face.."So, you dream about me then?" Dean asks, smirking. Sam flushes. What could he say? That yes. He has dreamt about Dean multiple times. Of him being here. Of them spending time together. Of Dean not being in danger every second. He just mutters a shut up in Dean's general direction.

"I hope I didn't disturb anything by coming early and unannounced." Dean says, like its the first time he has thought that he might be interrupting something.

"Are you kidding me Dean?!" Sam asks, like Dean is being ridiculous. Because he is. He would have given anything up if it meant more time with Dean. Sam just shakes his head. Not even bothering to explain Dean. He doesn't want to sound like a girl. If he didn't already act like one in front of Dean.

"Really man, you would tell me if I am interrupting something. Right?" Dean tries again and Sam rolls his eyes for good measure.

"I don't even want to answer that stupid question Dean but since you are acting dumb, no, you aren't." Sam sees Dean still skeptic and says, this time softly "haven't you realised yet how happy I am to see you? Does it look like you have interrupted something for me?" Dean looks at Sam like he is trying to judge the genuinity in Sam's words. Sam feels a little hurt at that. He is turning away from Dean when he feels Dean holding the sleeve of his one hand to stop him. Sam stops, reluctantly. Doesn't even turn around. Dean tugs at his sleeve a little. Sam turns at that. Doesn't look at Dean though. He hears Dean say a small "Hey.." Sam looks up at that. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to sound like a dick.. Its just that... I have never been... I mean no one ever has..." Dean just trails off and it is enough for Sam. He completely understands Dean's feelings. Knows where he is coming from. Dean is just looking down now, fidgeting like he can't decide what he should be doing.

"I know.." Sam says in a small voice. His heart hurting at the thought of Dean feeling this way. He can't believe how a moment of happiness changed into this. Changed into the despair that Sam is feeling for Dean. Sam realises that he doesn't know Dean after all as well as he thought. He always knew Dean had issues, but he didn't know that they were rooted this deep. Sam is an idiot. Sam should know better than anyone where Dean is coming from. And why he feels the way he does. Sam wants to smack himself on the head.

"Its not your fault, Dean.." Sam says. He remembers how Dean was on the phone when he was talking about his dad. How heart breaking and self loathing he was sounding. Sam is really a bag of nuts. He was busy feeling hurt and bad for himself and not even thinking about that there might be a reason why Dean didn't believe him outright and was doubting at first.

"By the way, when did you come? Have you eaten anything...oh my bags.." Sam suddenly remembers he had put the grocery bag and his school bag down when he thought that there was someone in his room. He goes to retrieve them.

"In the late morning..." He hears Dean response and whips his head towards him in the process of picking up the bags.

"What?! You have been here for hours and I didn't know. You didn't tell me. And God, I should have just come here before work.." He murmurs to himself.

"I am here now, ain't I? Dean asks. And Sam nods. Still reeling at the fact that Dean has been here for a very long time and Sam was busy thinking about him. Idiot Dean. But his not so idiot ideas. Sam is so damn happy that Dean is here. He still feels like mourning for the time lost with Dean. But Dean is here now and he is going to make every moment of it.

Dean sees Sam grinning ear to ear, telling some lame story about today at work that how he was distracted and ended up spilling coffee on his co worker shirt.

"Spaz." Dean says fondly. When Dean asks why he was distracted, Sam just shrugs and looks down. Embarrassed. And says that he was excited to see him. And just wanted the day to arrive whenever he was coming.

"I am so glad you came Dean." Sam says, like a millionth time with a happy sigh. Like a kid. Dean just watches him, fondness shining through his eyes. They are sitting on the floor using the bed edge as their back support. Their legs are sprawled out in front of them. Their shoulders touching.

"You must be tired Dean, go and sleep on my bed..I will handle Brad." Sam says, munching on his chips. A box of Pizza in front of them. Dean had strictly stopped Sam from cooking anything today.

"I have just come man, and you want to go to the kitchen.." Dean had said with a full on pout.

"But Dean, what are you going to eat. I don't have anything ready. And besides, you know I like it when you eat home made, or dorm made food." Sam had answered with his logic, as always. But Dean was listening none of it.

"I am not gonna die if I eat one more outside meal Sam.. You can fulfil your womanly wishes from tomorrow." Dean had grumbled and gotten a smack on his head. But atleast Sam had agreed.

"No, I am good. You are the one who must be exhausted man. I have been lying on your bed and I think I even dozed off.. You have been out all day. You sleep..." Dean is still talking when Sam interrupts him "No... I am not sleeping now.. Its not even 10 Dean." Sam shakes his head.

"Do you want to go outside?" Sam asks in a hopeful voice.

"Dude! " Dean says, awe in his voice.

"I am rubbing off on you man.." Sam's eyes bug out at that and he starts blushing furiously at that. And Dean belatedly realises where Sam's mind went and his face goes red. Stupid Sam. And his stupid mind in the gutter. Dean tries his best not to imagine anything.

"Umm.. We should just go to a bar.. Maybe? You like going to bars. Right?" Thankfully Sam has changed the topic, although with some difficulty if his stammering and nervousness in anything to go by.

"No, we are going... for a walk.." Dean says. He hasn't ever walked, okay he has walked a lot. But not aimlessly. Always following one thing or another. Not leisurely. And he doesn't even know why he has suggested this. It is sounding so lame even to his own ears. What kind of guy would want to take a walk instead go to a bar? God, Sam is having negative effects on him. He just wants the ground to swallow up him now.

"You really want that?" Sam asks, sounding impressed. Dean doesn't reply to it. Of course Sam will think it is awesome. Sam and his fascination with mother nature. Huh.

They go for a walk. Not very far from the campus. Their shadows walking in front of them. Mingling with each other like how their lives have mingled despite of them being so different. The area is quiet. Very few peoples milling here and there. Occasional sounds of crickets can be heard like the night is in its deep moments. Dean likes it. The virtual feeling of being at a desolated place.

Dean thinks about Sam and how they have accommodated each other in their lives seamlessly. Like they have always been there. They talk small things. Their shoulders brushing with every step they take. They speak in low voices as not to disturb the silence of the night. It feels so intimate. Dean feels close to Sam. Just very glad that he decided to come here. When he first saw Sam today, he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He was so damn glad to see him, he didn't know what to do. And Sam had come and hugged him, tight. Dean was surprised for a few moments. It was the first time that Sam had hugged Dean. Dean had returned the hug equally furiously. They had stayed like that for a few moments. Dean was feeling like he was in heaven. He doesn't understand these feelings though. These feelings that run through him when he is with Sam or when he talks to Sam. When Sam smiles at him, it warms Dean heart. Dean is always so goddamn glad around Sam he doesn't recognise himself sometimes. He just knows that whatever it is, Dean can't do a damn thing how to stop it. He knows he is falling in some kind of blissful abyss. But damn if he cares. He is happy. He doesn't want to dwell on the reasons.

They buy a six pack beer from a store on their way back which they drink sitting on the hood of the impala side by side. Dean is once again slammed by the feeling of rightness. They just stay quiet for a few moments.

"I am thinking tomorrow we..." Sam starts but Dean interrupts him "Yeah tomorrow you are taking your classes." Dean says in a serious tone.

"But Dean.." Sam makes a full on pouty face, looking adorable and Dean wants to pinch his cheeks, or maybe kiss it. Ugh.. Get a grip on yourself Winchester. He shakes his head like clearing it from inappropriate thoughts.

"Sam, I don't have any plans to take off when you are attending your classes tomorrow. And I am here at least till friday. We will have plenty of time.. Just please don't skip your classes man. I don't like it when you do that..." Dean says. And Sam looks down. Some things unsaid between them. Like how Dean had just departed last time even though he didn't have any plan. Every moment could be last moment for them for God knows how long. But none of them mentions it.

"You sure you don't want to stay at the dorms?" Sam asks, again.

"I don't think your bed can fit us both and I am not sleeping on the floor. Thank you.." Dean says.

"I wouldn't even make you sleep on the floor. I can sleep anyhow, you can take my bed. Just stay Dean.." Sam says in a pleading voice. Dean gives a long sigh and shakes his head. He is so tempted to do just what Sam said, has been saying since they started conversing about Dean staying at a motel. But he is not going to do that. Sam drops it then, dejectedly.

"I should go now.. . Whaddya say.." Dean says casually.

"I wouldn't say anything... Its not like you listen to me anyway.." Sam says, a little whiney and with that pout again. Dean laughs out loud at that. His voice echoing into the silence of the night. It feels like they are the only two persons right now in the whole world.

Sam huffs. And Dean laughs again.

"Its not funny.!" Sam exclaims.

"Yes it is, Sammy boy.. " Dean says, finally able to stop laughing and grinning.

"I should go now man.. You take your classes tomorrow.. You hear me?" Dean asks.

"Yeah yeah" Sam answers non commitally.

"Where am I going to find you tomorrow then?"

"I will be hogging your room, when I am able to drag myself from the bed.." Dean says. Sam takes a sigh of relief that at least Dean will be at the dorm.

"I will see you tomorrow then.." Dean says and claps Sam on the shoulders, his hands lingering there for a little while. Sam nods. They keep looking at each other for a few moments and then Dean takes a long breath and makes his way to the drivers side of the Impala. Dean waves Sam away with a small smile, and sees a smile in return. He doesn't want to go. But he has to. He can't wait to see Sam tomorrow again.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Sam is rushing his way through the throng of peoples, trying to make his way out and make it to the dorms. Its his break time and he is going to the dorm in hopes that maybe Dean is already there. He is not going to ask Dean. Dean will just make fun of him and tell him to just stay here. So he decided to check for himself.

There are many peoples. He thinks. Pushing past peoples that seem to never finish. Finally he makes it outside and jogs his way through the passing to the accommodation area. The building is quiet and almost empty. Of course it will be. No one is insane like Sam who just wants to check in his room if the person who he can't wait to see, is there or not. Dean is making him crazy, Sam thinks. How pathetic is he that he can't wait a few more hours to see him. And he doesn't even know if Dean is even there or not.

He finally stops in front of his door. Taking deep breaths as he practically ran to reach here. Now when he has arrived, he can't help but think how stupid he is being. What if Dean isn't here? And even worse, What if Dean is here and he makes fun of Sam for acting like this. Dean will think Sam is being clingy. Maybe he really is. Sam doesn't know what, why and how. But he doesn't want to miss a moment he can have with Dean. It should worry him. And it does. No one has ever had this influence over him. Sam is getting himself too deep. Sam sometimes thinks about it when he is unable to sleep. What is it. Why is it. But he can't find any answers. Or maybe he just doesn't want to. Denial is a handy weapon for almost everyone when they don't want to think or admit to something. And Sam isn't immune to it. This is another difference in Sam regards to Dean. He is someone who over analyses things. Finds out every what, why and how until there is nothing left to understand. But his budding friendship OR relationship of any kind (which he doesn't think about. Thank you very much) with Dean, he refuses to analyse. Because he knows somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, that if he thinks about it, really thinks about it, he has a very healthy doubt that he won't like it. And he refuses to think about anything that may mean that he would have to severe his ties with Dean. He can't. He just can't. Even the thought shakes him to his cores for the reasons included in 'dont-want-to-think-about' folder.

He is thinking he should just go back. Shouldn't even tell Dean that he came here. All his enthusiasm is deflated now at the prospect that Dean might think that Sam is being clingy. He is just turning his back when he hears some noise from inside the room. It means Dean is here. And a smile automatically appears on Sam's face. Momentarily forgetting his internal freak out, he doesn't even think what he is doing until he has opened the door and entered into his room. All his thoughts about what Dean would think flown out of his mind. Dean turns at the sound of the door opening and sees Sam and his mouth stretches into a smile.

"Damn! You are here. I was just about to go and see you.." Dean says, still smiling. Sam realises what Dean is saying and he internally smacks himself inside. So much for not over thinking.

"You were?" Sam asks, just to hear it again.

"Yeah... I knew it would be your break time so I thought I would go and see.." Dean says while going into the teeny kitchen and doing something with pots. Sam's sense of smell finally awakening, finally when he is not overwhelmed by his other senses and there is definitely smell of delicious food coming from the kitchen. Maybe Dean has ordered something. He follows Dean to the kitchen area after putting his bag down.

"Hey what have..." He trails off when he sees Dean putting something in a bowl from a pot.

"You cooked?" Sam asks, shocked. He didn't know Dean could cook. Hadn't even asked him. Sam doubted that Dean even knew how to cook. Another layer of Dean, Sam doesn't know.

"Yes I have, what? You thought I was good for nothing..huh?" Dean asks with a smirk. Enjoying the stupefied look on Sam's face.

Sam can't believe that Dean has has really cooked.

"But you always eat from diners.." Sam asks, still surprised.

"Yeah, I do. You think I would want to buy groceries and cook for myself in those dingy motel rooms? And besides, too much hassle for one man.." Dean says while arranging the bowl and plates on the teeny teeny table. Sam is just standing there like an idiot. He finally tears his eyes away from Dean and looks at the food and is once again shocked to see Chinese rice put together nicely in one of the bigger bowls that Sam has in the kitchen, not knowing how. Sam didn't even have the ingredients for this. Dean must have made a run for the store. Sam thinks.

"You need an invitation to come and eat?" Dean asks and Sam finally moves to sit on an equally small chair. Dean sits opposite Sam. Sam takes a healthy helping of the delicious smelling rice and groans at the first taste of it.

"God... I don't even remember when I ate this awesome cooked food. Its mmm..." Sam trails off, taking another spoonful of it. Dean doesn't respond. Just looks at Sam with fondness. They eat in relative silence. Sam remarking about the taste occasionally. It feels just like the first time when Sam made the food for Dean. The positions have reversed. But the sentiments are same. Sam kicks at Dean's ankle lightly to get his attention, who is busy trying to devour the food all at once. Dean looks up in question.

"Thank You.." Sam says.

"For not giving you food poison? You are welcome.." Dean says, going for a joke but Sam knows Dean has understood so he doesn't elaborate further. Just gives a small smile in his direction. They clear the plates and the table. Dean passes him a chocolate bar saying that its the dessert. Sam is telling Dean about his day "Man, I am telling you..I shouldn't have.." When Dean cuts him off saying "Shit, Sam. You have to go to your classes man.. I totally forgot..." Dean smacks himself on his forehead like he has committed a dire mistake. Sam just rolls his eyes.

"Yeah yeah I am going... I was hoping you would forget.." Sam sighs and stands up, knowing full well that Dean isn't gonna let go. Jeez.

"You know Sam, sometimes I think that the person your friends talk about isn't you but someone else man... " Dean says like he is really trying to reconcile the traits of the version of this Sam with the one that his friends know. Sam rolls his eyes again and says "I think so too, Dean." He picks up his bag, reluctantly. Still not wanting to go. Stupid Dean with his more stupid rules about not wanting to disturb his studies. He gives a long suffering sigh.

"You know I would like you to stay here more than anything. Right?" He hears Dean say, and turns towards him.

"Then why don't you let me?" Sam asks like a little kid. Its not like he doesn't know. But still.

"Not at the cost of something that's so important to you." Dean answers simply just like Sam expected. And Sam answers him truthfully.

"Not more important than you.." Sam says in a really small voice.

"But I am waiting for you. Ain't I? Your classes won't. I know you don't want to go Sam.. But you have to. Please. And you have to concentrate as well... Wouldn't want to see low grades." Dean answers, explaining him. And Sam wants to cry. No one has ever cared about his studies like this. Dean is telling him like it also matters to him that Sam succeeds. His mother never cared about his studies. Sam didn't have a luxury of people caring about him. When his own family couldn't care less, what to expect from others. That's why every act of Dean caring for him like this throws Sam off guard. You couldn't tell by Dean's empathy and his understanding nature that he is a hunter, or just from his normal behaviour. He acts like every other normal person. But somehow more caring, more genuine. More loving. He doesn't know how to respond. What to say. The only thing he wants to do right now is to cry on Dean's shoulder. Let Dean hold him. Make him feel that he is not alone in this whole friggin world. He doesn't do any of this though. Doesn't even dare say anything, not trusting his voice. Just nods and gives a smile. No. Tries to give a smile and leaves to attend the rest of his classes.

Sam and Dean are half lying on Sam's bed. Its 8 pm and they are watching a horror movie, trying not to laugh at every scene. Its just ridiculous though. They try to make something scary and it comes out looking funny. After Sam had returned from his classes, Dean had made them tea, saying that evenings are for tea and had laughed hard at himself after saying that. Nonetheless, they had taken tea and eaten some snacks. Sam had told him about a law case which he had studied in class today. Dean thought, and also said so, that some peoples can be worse than the monsters he hunt. And Sam had said the same thing.

Dean had reflected at his own life, thinking he may save peoples from the things that go bump in the night, but those same peoples can be victimised by other peoples. Which he can't do anything about. But he does what he can.

"You know Dean, some people can be scarier than the monsters you hunt. You know what they say about a wolf in sheep's clothing. People can be cruel. And its not only the physical scars and cruelty I am talking about." Sam had been quiet after saying that. And Dean knew very well what Sam was talking about. Dean thought back about Jo, saying those things to Sam the first time Dean saw Sam at the road House bar. About his own dad. They may have more common things between them than Dean initially thought. After that bit of conversation, they had decided to change the mood by watching the horrible movies.

They are still laughing on one of the scenes where the big bad spirit of the movie is throwing the girl around like a rag doll and the girls screams are sounding so artificial to them that they can't stop laughing.

"Bad acting man, how do you expect this screams to scare the audience.." Sam says, laughing. Just then there is knock on the door and they hear voices outside.

"It can't be Brad, he has the keys." Sam says while standing up to go to the door. Dean sits up on the bed. He sees Sam trying to smile painfully, and just knows who is, or who are, at the door. Sam's friend walk one by one in the room.

"Oh my God Dean, you are here !" Anna screams over exagerating and comes to hug Dean like she has known Dean for a very long time but haven't met for a while. Dean returns the hug politely, not managing to be as enthusiastic. He stands up and shakes Hayden's and Jess' hands.

"Hey, when did you come? Sam didn't mention.." Jess says and then turns her head towards Sam saying "You didn't come for break today Sam.. Were you in the library again?" Jess says, and Dean couldn't keep the snort in at Jess' words. Sam, who was willingly leaving classes spends time at library on lunch break. Its taking a lot of courage on Dean's part not to laugh out loud. Sam coughs and clears his throat. Dean sees him hiding his smile behind his hands. Damn. This is so funny. He wants to see what Sam says to this.

"Uhh... No... Actually I called Dean at break time so I came over to meet him..." Sam says, looking down. And Dean just wants to laugh at the situation.

"Oh.." Jess says. There is an awkward silence in the room now. Sam is fidgeting where he is standing.

"Since Dean is here Sam, what do you think we go to a bar or something.. I am sure you wouldn't want to hang with him in this hole." Hayden suggests, all the while encompassing the room with the gesture of his hands to make his point. Dean sees Sam flicking his eyes towards him, silently asking what he should say. Dean gives a subtle nod. "Okay sure." Sam says, "what do you say Dean?" Sam asks him loudly..

"Yeah, that's fine.." Dean says.

They all pile up in his car. Dean plays the music loud just so he doesn't have to hear their constant chattering. But they manage to talk over that as well. Damn college students.

"I love the classic songs man. They are awesome." Hayden says loudly, his voice clear above the music. Dean slows it down though. Its not serving its purpose.

"Oh please, this music is crap." Jess says and Sam laughs out loud. Dean is momentarily taken off guard. Dean can hear Sam's laugh loud and clear among all the noise in the car. Sam is laughing with his full body and Dean can't look away. Stunned by how beautiful Sam is. Sam's hair is falling into his eyes. His cheeks flushed with the exertion of his laugh. A sudden blare of noises of other cars from outside takes Dean out of his stupor. Shit. What the hell is wrong with him. What is he even thinking. They haven't even gone to the bar yet and Dean's thought are already sounding like he is high. He would have killed them all by his wayward not-so-appropriate thoughts. Damn, he needs to find a hot chick and spend some time with her. Too much Sam is having an effect on him. He is going to find a hot girl in the bar and chat up her a little and his wayward thoughts would be directed towards her. He has been talking to Sam a lot these past few days, so it makes sense that he will think like this about him. He is rationalising. He is going to leave Sam with his friends.

The bar is not as full considering its a week day. They find a booth on the back. Dean eyes the bar to fulfil his earlier plans when he feels a hand on his arm and a voice near his ear. He turns slightly towards it, knowing full well who it is.

"Hey, I am sorry you had to do this." Sam says.

"Nah.. Its totally fine. Besides, I don't want your friends to think I am like you man. I have a reputation to hold." Dean smirks. They all squish into the booth. Sam pressed against him on the side. Dean's whole side is like a line of heat. Dean tries not to think and drink that much. He makes conversation with Sam's friends. But all his senses actually on the person beside him. Sam is mostly listening. Like he did the previous time. Occasionally giving his two cents. But always turning to look at Dean after few minutes. And that's hard considering how close they are actually sitting. Dean can feel eyes on his side when he is not looking. Dean is feeling hot all over. Of course its going to be hot in a bar. He wants to leave this place now and stay here pressed beside Sam forever at the same time. He is drunk, he thinks. He excuses himself and walks out the bar to clear his head a little, all the while thinking that it was a bad idea to come here at the first place. His senses are still overwhelmed by Sam even when he is surrounded by other peoples. He sits on a bench and closes his eyes, inhaling the cool air. After few minutes, he feels someone sit beside him quietly. Dean knows who it is before he has even opened his eyes.

"You alright?" Sam asks, still so sober. Not sounding like he drank even a bit. But his eyes are glazed a bit. Maybe he did. Dean doesn't know.

"Hmmm." Dean hums.

"Want to get out of here?" Sam asks, worrying that Dean is not enjoying himself.

"Nah... I am good. Just wanted to get some cool air. Too hot inside.." Dean gives an excuse, what would he even say to Sam? That he doesn't know what the hell is going on with him.

"Yeahh.. Its hot. And my friends don't shut up. I know." Sam says with a small smile. They sit there for a few more minutes silently. Sam has closed his eyes. Looking every bit of a boy he is. Loud bass thumping from inside, cars passing on the roads and all Dean can see and hear is Sam. He needs more alcohol. Or possibly more people to hang out with. It is just because Sam has his undivided attention, that's why Dean is only thinking about Sam. That's all. He stands up to go inside.

"You planning to sleep here?" He kicks Sam on the ankles while saying it.

Sam yawns .. "Let's go.." They make their way inside the bar together. Walking side by side. Dean will remember later that he forgot what he planned to do at the bar, to find some girl. He would blame it on alcohol and Sam's friends. Denial is a strong suite for Dean after all.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Why don't you just stay here?" Sam asks the same question again and Dean, as usual rolls his eyes. The same argument. Why can't Sam understand this simple thing. Staying all time together is different, but spending the night in Sam's dorm room is just so ridiculous. If it was Sam's place or something, Dean would have just crashed on a couch or something. But this is a dormitory room. How in the hell are three people supposed to fit in there? And what about Sam's room mate? He can just go and give away him to their RA or whatever the official they call it here. Why Sam is not getting this in his very smart and intelligent brain, or so it seems, Dean doesn't know. Seriously, Sam needs to drop it off. It is not healthy for Dean's already infatuation with Sam. Dean sighs.

"Where am I even going to sleep Sam? Is there any invisible door or something where you are going to put me? Because I don't see any space here man.." Dean asks, annoyed.

"You sleep on my bed." Sam counters immediately.

"And where do you think you are going to sleep genius? Library?" Dean arches an eyebrow at Sam.

"I can sleep on the floor. I also have a sleeping bag.." Sam says and Dean is just about to ask why he has one here when Sam interrupts, "No.. Don't even ask. I am not telling you.." Sam finishes. Looking adamant. Dean knows that Sam isn't gonna spill it.

"There isn't even enough space on the floor, and I wouldn't want you to sleep on it anyway." Dean reasons with him. Sam is acting so dumb.

"Why can't you stay here?" Sam says, sounding pissed. Dean sighs again. He doesn't want Sam to be mad. But he also doesn't understand why Sam is insisting so hard on this. Its not like Dean doesn't want to. After all, he had stayed here before when his room mate was gone.

"Sam... Its not like I haven't stayed here before. You tell me how is it even possible? And why are you insisting so hard on it? Is there a reason or any thing that you are not telling me?" When Dean says this, he actually realises that he can't be far away from the truth, maybe Sam has a reason that's why he is persistent about it.

"No.. Its nothing.. I just.. I. Just wantyoutostaywithme." Sam finishes and Dean doesn't understand a word what Sam just said. Sam is looking down now, blushing. He is adorable. Dean thinks. And wants to smack himself now.

"Excuse me? What did you say? Please try to make some sense this time.."

"Nothing.." Sam mumbles, still looking down.

"You can go..." Sam finally relents. Dean wants to ask Sam what is wrong. Wants Sam to look at him. And he really really wants to know the reason behind Sam's previous persistency. Dean looks at the surrounding. They are standing outside the campus. Not an ideal place for him to persuade Sam to spill whatever is going on in his head. He wants to, so he does.

"Come on, you gonna tell me or what?" Dean tries.

"Its nothing.." Sam repeats the same thing, still looking down. Dean really needs to see Sam's face, needs Sam to look at him and not the concrete road like its the most interesting thing in the world. He is more interesting than that. Dean thinks and chuckles at himself internally. Sam is fidgeting where he is standing. Dean puts both his hands on Sam's shoulder to get his attention.

"Hey hey.. Look at me.." He finally says. Sam looks up at that. Looking for all the world like a kicked puppy.

"I know there is something behind this.. This insisting of me staying here.. So why don't you just tell me what's going on and save us both time.. " Dean says in a tone as to be persuasive. Sam takes out a long suffering sigh.

"I... I just... It's just that, what if you have to go suddenly somewhere.. And we couldn't even meet before you leave... " Sam trails off and its enough for Dean. Sam is afraid that Dean might have to leave suddenly and they wouldn't have a chance to see each other. It didn't even pass through Dean's mind that something like this could happen. Considering what happened last time, he should have thought about it too. But he would never leave without seeing Sam.

"I would never go without saying you good bye, whatever the emergency. You need to believe in that." Dean says, Sam has reverted back to looking down, and he really needs to stop doing that. Dean hooks a finger under Sam's chin and forces him to look up.

"You hear me? Its not going to happen." Their faces are so close. Dean can see all the lines of Sam's face. The mole on the side of his nose inspite of it being dark. His eyes which are staring straight into Dean's like they are looking into his soul. Dean feels bared, naked under the intense gaze of Sam. But he can't seem to look away. The only thing he sees is Sam. The hair on his forehead which is trying to fall into his eyes but isn't succeeding this time, like even it doesn't want to disturb Sam's eyes from studying Dean. Dean's one hand is still under Sam's chin. He sees Sam's eyes boring into him and he really really wants to look away but it feels like he is magnetized towards Sam. Can't seem to look away. He doesn't realise when his face has moved more closer to Sam because he feels hot breath on his face. Dean swallows. Its like everything has halted. Time has stopped. Dean can't see anything beside Sam. Doesn't feel the light breeze of the night except for the closeness of Sam. A sudden sound of a car hoot shocks both of them out of whatever was happening. Thank god. He doesn't know what he was doing. What he might have done if the moment wasn't interrupted. He doesn't know if he is happy or disappointed about it. He feels like the latter though. God. .wrong with him. They just stand there for a few moments. None of them saying anything. The silence should be awkward, but oddly enough, it is not.

"You will come?" Sam's question breaks him out of his internal freak out and it takes a moment for Dean to remember what they were talking about. Dean was afraid Sam is gonna ask what just happened but it seems like he didn't even notice anything weird that just went down here. Maybe Dean is having a freak out for nothing or maybe nothing happened. Whatever was it, it was in his head. Maybe he is just over thinking. Taking everything out of proportion for nothing. This is what happens when you don't socialise. Or make any meaningful relationships. He sighs internally. He will think about it later or never. He just needs to stop acting like a friggin teenage girl. "hey.. Dean?" Sam addresses him again and Dean realises he hasn't answered Sam's question yet. "Yeah yeah I will.. Don't worry about that." Sam nods at that. Seemingly satisfied with Dean's assurance.

"Thanks for today.. I mean you .. You came with my friends.. Thank you for that." Sam says, the previous gloomy mood gone, replaced by innocence and sincerity. Dean nods.

"I had a good time, don't worry about that." Dean assures him because he knows Sam would be thinking that Dean only did it for him.

"Yeah.. Me too. I have never had this fun before with them.." Sam says, leaving the unsaid words for Dean to understand. That it was because of Dean that Sam enjoyed today. And these are the types of things that Sam says which makes Dean all mushy inside and wants to hug him. It warms him inside out, knowing that something good happens with Sam due to Dean. And Sam never fails to remind Dean again and again that how important Dean is in his life. Dean has never done this. What Sam said to him when Dean had called Sam to spill his guts about his dad, that he needed him, were proving to be right. Dean doesn't want to mess it up with his insecurities and over dramatic thoughts of everything. He doesn't want to hurt Sam by any means or do anything that makes Sam unhappy. Sam is the first person who has said that he needs him, for whatever reason, Dean doesn't know. He will ask one day, but today isn't the day. And specially in front of the campus at night.

He is just surprised that how can someone like Sam may want to keep Dean in his life, and more, even need him. It doesn't make sense. But what has ever made sense in Dean's life? The friggin' hunting doesn't make sense. Why would he expect any other thing to make sense in his life when he has been doing the less than sense thing all his life.

"I should go then.." Dean says at last. Gesturing at the car with his hands.

"Yeah.. Okay...I will see you tomorrow?" Sam finishes with a question.

"You bet.." Dean says, with a small smile, seeing Sam smile a little in return. Some of the tension falls from Dean's shoulder. He was feeling weighed down by all the things that are going on in his head. He feels a little lighter now. Knowing that everything is still right between them. Nothing happened that could ruin the friendship between them because Dean couldn't stop over analysing everything and having not so appropriate thoughts about Sam. He doesn't have these type of urges with the male population. Nops. Thank you very much. He doesn't have a problem with other people doing these. But he isn't just one of them. This whole day was totally weird for him. And thank God it is over. Tomorrow, everything is going to be fine. Dean will be back to normal.

Dean turns to sit in his car. Waving Sam with a smile. He drives off to the motel hoping that everything gets back to normal tomorrow, as normal as it can be.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The next day is almost like the previous one except that the Dean from yesterday didn't have all those thoughts churning in his head which he is trying to keep at bay for the sake of his own sanity. Dean comes at Sam's dorm room and prepares lunch just like yesterday. Today is the game which Sam invited Dean to. Or should he say, the excuse Sam used to call Dean over, which worked perfectly well since they both were itching to meet each other but were not yet comfortable to just admit it outright. They have crossed that line now though. The last day and a half have been enlightening to Dean, to say the least. He isn't quite ready to deal with other things, which he doesn't name, or doesn't want to name, whatever. But his insecurity that he is being a inconvenience in Sam's life has been washed out a lot, if not fully. Doubts still linger at the back of his mind. But they are mostly quiet. He is half lying on Sam's bed, a book in his hand which he doesn't remember picking. Dean looks around Sam's room, there is nothing at his side of the room, or anywhere really. There is a cork board on the wall on Sam's side of the room which is completely bare. No pictures, nothing. Not even with his friends. Its like a hotel room. Not personalised or anything. The only thing indicating that someone stays here is some papers on the table and some clothes hastily thrown on the chair of the table like someone throws them without thinking when getting late. Dean puts the clothes properly and looks at the wall clock. Sam must be coming any minute now if his break time is at the same time like yesterday. When Dean woke up in the morning today, remnants of some dream still lingering behind his eye lids where he was just able to catch smiling blue green eyes turning away from him, and then it completely faded into nothingness. There was a simple message of _Good Morning _from Sam. The events of last night had started playing in his mind and he had forcefully shook himself out of them.

He hears the key turning in the lock and knows that Sam has come. He stands up. A smile already gracing his lips. Sam greets him with a smile that is threatening to white out the whole room. First few moments are spent just smiling at each other like idiots. Dean is the one to clear his throat first and say something from his mouth other than smiling which he has been doing a lot lately.

The lunch is spent quiet like yesterday, minus the surprise of Sam on Dean's cooking. Sam commenting now and again on Dean's awesome skills in the kitchen and Dean rolling his eyes at every compliment directed towards him. Sam gushes about his classes, the more interesting ones this time and informs him that he will be free early today. Dean knows that Sam has taken off from work so he offers "Why don't you show me where you work, after your classes. I know you have shifts today." Dean asks non chalantly, like he doesn't know Sam has taken off from work.

"Yeah I have, but I have taken off... And umm.. Its not really a cool place. I mean its a store with section of books and all that stuff which you wouldn't like.." Sam says, embarrassed, like Dean is going to judge him for it.

"So what? I can hang out there while you take up some hours..I don't want you to cheap out on me saying that you didn't work so you are out of money.." Dean says it with a wink.

"You just want me to go to work? Don't you? Just like you did with my classes. You already knew I had taken off from my shifts." Sam says in a serious tone, with a little hurt in his voice. Dean doesn't know how his words came out, but the reaction isn't like he expected.

"You know that, still you keep doing this Sam. I wouldn't want you to stay behind in anything, or leave anything just because I am here.." Dean explains to Sam, not wanting to see the hurt expression on Sam's face.

"What about what I want?" Sam asks emphasising on the word _I _in a small tone and Dean has to stop for a second. He doesn't know what to say to that. The hurt look is more intensified on Sam's face now. Dean had never thought it in that sense. Sure, he knew that Sam was doing it for him, but he quite never understood that Sam might be doing it for himself maybe. He still can't understand it. How can Sam have something for himself when he is doing it because of him. It doesn't make sense to him.

"You don't understand.. Do you?" Sam asks, in the same quiet hurtful tone which is cutting through Dean's heart in continuous jibes. Dean still doesn't know what to say. He swallows the bile rising in his throat. Sam is still looking at him with the same expressions on his face, he then picks up his bag and leaves the room. Dean is left standing there. Still trying to comprehend what went down here. One minute they were fine, the other minute it was looking like Sam was gonna start crying because Dean decided to open his goddamn mouth on something which is not his to decide. Why couldn't he just let do whatever Sam wanted. No, he had to go and open his mouth and hurt Sam. And now Sam is gone. Just like that. Not even a good bye or see you later. Shit. Its like his brain had stopped working and has just restarted now and realised that Sam has left. Probably mad at him. He runs out the door and into the corridor, but can't see a lanky figure with slouched shoulders like its trying to fold into itself, anywhere. Sam has already gone and Dean is screwed. He walks back to Sam's room with heavy steps and heart. He slumps on the bed ungracefully and just lies down. Sam is hurt because of him. He left the room and Dean didn't even stop him. Didn't say anything to Sam's question. Dean prides himself on being witty, the answer on his tongue ready even before the question has left the other person's mouth. And today, when Sam waited for his answer, he couldn't come up with any for the life of him. Maybe it was because everytime he is lying through his teeth, doesn't care what comes out of his mouth and what the other person thinks about it. But with Sam, it is different. He doesn't normally say anything to Sam which isn't the truth. Even if he tries to lie, Sam calls him out on it. That's why he wasn't able to say anything when Sam asked, because he didn't know what to say to that.

_What about what I want.. _The question is still circling Dean's mind. He is trying to come up with some logic because, of course, Sam can do whatever he wants. Its his life. But Dean can't help himself. He can't stop himself from caring about Sam's well being. He really doesn't want Sam to leave his classes or work just because Dean is around. Its not that Dean is doing it for himself, he wouldn't want anything more than to spend every second with Sam when he is here. He wants that. Doesn't want to waste a single second which he can spend with Sam. But someone has to think about Sam here, and Sam himself is not doing that. There is nothing in Dean's life that is worth worrying about. But Sam, he has a career. Has a life to make. Has a bright future in front of him. Sam can't just leave it on the back burner just because Dean is around. He knows it is not his place to decide and tell Sam what he should do. Sam is a big boy. Knows what is right and wrong for him. Has decided everything for himself his whole life. If this is what Sam wants, then who is he to say anything? He would try not to interfere in Sam's life and decisions anymore. He would just let do whatever Sam wants even though it is going to take a lot for Dean to sit back and watch.

Sam is in the library. His classes are over for the day, but he hasn't yet gone to his room. Afraid of what he will or won't find there. He was hurt. Hurt and mad at Dean. He thinks back to what Dean said. About not doing this. Not leaving his work or classes for Dean. Yes, he was doing it because of Dean. If Dean wasn't there, Sam wouldn't be doing any of these. But the big part of him does this because he wants to do it. Not for Dean. But for himself. He doesn't understand why Dean thinks that Sam is doing it for anything other than himself. They have had this conversation enough now for Dean to understand. The very first day when Dean came here this time, they had had an argument on more or less the same thing. He doesn't want to fight with Dean. He had been distracted the whole day after he left his room. Couldn't concentrate on his classes and ended up skipping one and hid in the library. God. Everything got messed up in a second. He can't ignore Dean forever though. Doesn't even want to. He is afraid maybe Dean won't be there anymore. He could have left. The thought tugs at his heart painfully and he suddenly can't wait to go out from here and make sure that Dean hasn't gone already. Sam shouldn't have left. God. What if Dean has already left? Just because Sam couldn't keep his emotions under control. They would talk it out. He doesn't want Dean to be angry and leave Sam on bad terms. He dashes out of the library not even looking back that he has left his cell phone on the table which he was just fiddling with and going through the text exchanges between him and Dean. He almost runs to his room and opens the door. The room is empty. No one is there. He makes his way to the bathroom in the hopes of finding Dean there, but it is empty as well. Dean has left Sam. Without saying good bye. Sam's stomach drops.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Dean is trying to call Sam but Sam is not picking up his phone. He is out in the campus, looking for Sam. Sam had said that the classes would end early. He should have been back at his room like two hours before, and that is counting on Sam's normal class timings, not the one Sam said about today. But Sam hasn't come, didn't even text or call to inform if something was up. Dean is worried out of his mind. He has been going round the campus, looking for a six foot four person. He hasn't even seen any of Sam's friend, doesn't even have their numbers. He tries Sam's phone again 'dammit Sam, pick up the damn phone..' He mutters to himself.

It goes to voice mail after ringing. Dean leaves a not so polite message. Goddamit !

What the hell is wrong with Sam. Why isn't he picking up his phone. Dean is furious. If Sam didn't want to talk to him, he could have just said it. God. Dean only allows himself to think that Sam hasn't come yet because he has been held somewhere else or doesn't want to see Dean's face. Because other options? Other options are way to gory to even think about. Dean can't, won't think of any other possibility. The thoughts of Sam being hurt are threatening to over come all his senses and consume him from inside out. Sam is supposed to be safe. Nothing can happen to him at this place, it is as safe as it can get, and Dean is gonna stick to this thought. But he can't stop the images that comes in his mind, uncalled for. He doesn't know what to do. His insides are constricting with fear. He just wishes Sam is safe and is just being pissy at Dean for today. Nothing more. He would appologize. Do anything. Just. Just wants to see Sam safe. Dean looks at his phone again. There is nothing. He pockets it and covers his face with both his hands. Sam.. Where are you?.. He feels drained now. Its like he doesn't have any energy left in him. Doesn't know where to look for anymore. He wishes he could atleast find one of Sam's friends. He is leaning against a wall, eyes closed and deep in thought about Sam when someone pats at his shoulder. He opens his eyes abruptly. Its Jessica. And Dean takes out a sigh of relief and thanks God.

"Hey Dean. Whatyou doing here?" Jess asks..

"Uhh... Nothing.. Just a uhh change of scenery.." Dean replies sheepishly. He is desperate to ask her about Sam but he doesnt want to appear like he doesn't know about Sam's whereabouts so he risists. With much difficulty. He seriously is surprised that Jess can't tell anything by looking at his face though. His jaw is clenched tightly. Just wanting to know about Sam and get hella out of here. But the next words from Jess leave him cold.

"Where's Sam? I thought he left his last class today because of you? You guys have some plans?" Jess inquires. But Dean isn't listening to her after she said that Sam had left his class as well. He left his class and he still hasn't come yet. God. Where is Sam. Dean's heart is in throat. He sees Jess' lips moving but can't hear anything from the sound of rushing blood in his ear. All the horrible scenarios in which Sam can be, now on the fore front of his mind. He feels someone shaking him "Dean? You okay? Dean? .." Jess is saying but Dean just escapes from there. He needs to do something. Cold fear is racing through his spine. He doesn't know where he is going. When he stops, he finds himself in the parking lot in front of the Impala. Figures. His consciousness would take him to the thing which has been his home since he was four years old. But the sight of her doesn't realx him like it used to. He leans against the drivers door and closes his eyes. He needs to stop panicking. He would hyperventilate otherwise. He needs to think. He is over reacting. There is no evidence that Sam has been hurt. Dean needs to think with some sense. His mind supplies him not so helpfully with the information of Sam leaving his class early and Dean is on the verge of panic again. Sam doesn't leave his classes unless for Dean but he didn't come to him as well. Maybe Sam is just angry, doesn't want to see Dean after today. That's why he didn't come to his room knowing Dean would be already there. But why did he leave his class? It makes no sense. Dean thinks about being not able to see Sam again and his heart tugs painfully in his chest. He hopes it's not the case. Even the mere thought is leaving him struggling to breath. Face of Sam in front of his eyes. They didn't even have a friggin argument and it has come to this? Dean is feeling helpless. He just wants to see Sam one time. Dean really doesn't know when his emotions went haywire about Sam, but he knows that its been a while. And he wants, no, needs Sam in his life. Sam has become a vital part of Dean's life and he doesn't think anything would be same again if Sam isn't in it.

Sam is sitting on his bed still. Dean has left. Left him. Sam is a moron. Why did he have to react like this? Now Dean is gone and its all Sam's fault. Dean had all the right to leave after Sam pulled the stunt. Why did he have to be over dramatic? And maybe Dean was even waiting for him but Sam hadn't come when he was supposed to. Dean must have left after that. Sam wonders if Dean would ever want to see him again. Nothing had even happened except for him walking out. And for what? For Dean caring about him. Dean had only said that Sam shouldn't leave his classes and work. There was nothing in it for Dean. God. Its just that no one has cared about him like Dean does. No one. And he had to go and ruin that. What must Dean be thinking about him? His chest hurts at the thought of hurting. Dean and that he wouldn't want anything to do with Sam. Sam tries to think. He can't let his fears and past ruin what he has now with Dean. He can't. He won't. He won't let Dean go. He reaches for his phone in the pocket and finds it empty. Shit. Where is the phone. He searches in his bag. There is nothing. He tries to remember when he used his phone last and remembers that it was in the library. He leaves his room immediately to retrieve his phone to contact Dean and hopes that the phone is still there. He is still on his room floor when he sees Jess coming towards him with a smile. Sam doesn't want to deal with anyone right now. He just wants to see Dean. He pastes a smile on his face.

"Hey Sam, where were you today? I heard you bunked your last class?" Jess asks, all smiles and Sam feels like just running away from here. He is still thinking what to respond when Jess speaks up looking behind him like searching for someone "Where is Dean? I saw him earlier. He was acting really weirdthough.." She says and Sam's wheel turns around in his mind.

"Wait.. You saw Dean today? When? Where?" Sam asks frantic. Not caring how he is sounding. As long as it gets him to Dean.

"Umm in the main hall.. Just some minutes ago. You don't know where he is?" Jess asks.

"Do you happen to know where he went?" Sam asks, completely ignoring Jess inquisition and not caring about it.

"I think he went to the gate side, maybe parking area..?" Jess says and Sam throws a thank you in her direction and races through peoples, pushing them aside. He hears people yelling at him to watch where he is going but, well, he really doesn't care. The only thing going in his mind right now is that maybe Dean hasn't left yet. Maybe there is a chance he would get to see Dean. He is just plain running now. His breaths short. He finally reaches to the parking area. Trying to take the much needed breath in. He scans the parking lot, looking for a slick black car which Dean loves like crazy. Where he has spent most of his life cruising down the road. He finally spots the car on the far end of the parking lot, knowing its Dean's. He takes out a big sigh of relief. He starts jogging towards the car but stops short in his steps. There is Dean, leaning against the driver side door. Eyes closed and head tilted slightly upwards. Dean is looking so beautiful that Sam thinks that if breathing wasn't an unconscious function, he would have stopped breathing. There is something else in Dean's expression which Sam doesn't recognise but he is too damn happy to see Dean that he doesn't even linger on it. He runs the remaining steps towards Dean, not being able to wait any longer. Dean though, is still looking like he doesn't know what is going around him which is really unlike him. Sam breaches the distance and grabs Dean in a hug so hard that he thinks maybe he has crushed some of Dean's bones, and his too, in the process. He feels Dean startle in his arms, not knowing who grabbed him, a friend or a foe. But he immediately relaxes after that, like he recognises Sam's touch.

"I thought you didn't want to see me anymore." He hears Dean's relieved and muffled voice coming from where he is pressed against Sam's shoulder.

"Our thoughts are quite alike then, I thought the same about you.." Sam replies and Dean lifts his head from Sam's shoulder and looks at him like he has grown another head.

"You have something else coming if you thought that.. And you are a bastard Sam, you know that right?" And Dean is suddenly sounding angry which is a deep contrast from his previous relieved tone. Sam knew it would be coming. He deserves it. After he pulled the stunt, Dean is still talking to him is a miracle.

"Yeah.. I know.. Can we move it to somewhere else though? This is not exactly the ideal place where you would want to punch me.." Sam says, looking down.

"Okay." Dean replies short. Sam looks up at him, Dean's eyes are seething with anger and Sam gulps. Sam has seen Dean angry, but never directed at him like this. Sam can feel the anger in Dean like a physical thing and he mentally tries to prepare himself for Dean's wrath which he deserves. They go to Sam's room, not saying anything on the way. As soon as they are in Sam's room and Sam is thanking God that Brad isn't here, Dean grabs him by the collar of his shirt.

"Do you have any idea how much worried I was? I couldn't think straight thinking that something might have happened to you and you couldn't receive your goddamn phone or reply me, even just for saying that you don't wanna see me anymore?" Anger is seeping through Dean's words and it takes a few moments for Sam to realise what Dean had actually said, but he confirms it nevertheless.

"Wait. You were worried that I was hurt?" Sam asks.

"What else do you think, you idiot." Dean replies sarcastically, and Sam can practically see the anger leaving Dean as his posture changes and he finds himself in Dean's arms, tightly surrounded by his arms.

"Thank God you are okay.. I thought.. I thought.." Dean says near his ears, and as always, it sends a shiver down Sam's spine and Sam also tightens his hold on Dean. Of all the things Sam thought Dean could be angry about, this option didn't even cross his mind. Dean was worried about his safety in all this. Sam really doesn't deserve this. His heart constricts a little. He accused Dean of being selfish, even though he didn't say that, but it was implied. And here Dean is, worried about Sam when he had all the right to just leave him. His eyes burn a little. Tears prickling and he closes his eyes tightly. Dean extracts himself from the tight fit they were in and Sam tries to rein in all the emotions and blinks several times.

"I am sorry.." He manages to say but his voice comes out as raspy.

"You are okay, that's enough for me.." Dean says and Sam has to stomp down another wave of emotions that surges through him.

"No.. I am sorry, for what I did today.. For leaving like that.." Sam clarifies. He wants to tell Dean everything he had planned and Dean needs to know that Sam really means it.

"No no Sam, I am sorry about what I said. I don't have any right to tell you what you should and shouldn't do.. I am sorry for that.." Dean is looking down while saying this, and Sam thinks that he can't be more stupid and idiot even if he tried. He made Dean think that he isn't important enough for Sam that he would listen to him. Wow. Friggin great. He has to clear the mess he put them into..

"No Dean, listen to me. It wasn't your fault." Sam says, trying to go through Dean, he needs Dean to know that what he thinks isn't true. Dean looks at him, like he is unsure of the meaning behind Sam's words. Sam sighs internally. Its going to be a long ride in repairing what he messed up.

"Huh? I was trying to tell you how to go about your life man, and I am sorry for that. I really am. I shouldn't have..." Dean is saying but Sam cuts him off.

"Stop stop.."

"First of all, you weren't telling me how to go about my life.." Sam says.

"I weren't?" Dean asks, skeptically. Sam tries another angle.

"Were you?" He counters. Dean is quiet for a few moments.

"I wasn't trying to.. Just wanted to look out for you.. You know I just.. I just. Sam. I don't know. I just want everything to be good for you..." Dean finishes in a small voice.

"Yeah.. That's what I am saying that you were trying to do as well. What are you appologizing for, then?" Sam asks.

"I don't want you to think that I am bossing around or anything Sam. Because that's not my intention. And I think I need to stop telling you what you should do, you are.. I mean you don't need me telling you what's right and wrong for you.." Dean says, looking down again. And Sam hates himself a little more but he knows what he needs to do in order to make things right.

"I over reacted Dean. And no, you are wrong. You can tell me what's right and wrong for me. No one has ever done that. Its about time someone does that. Don't you think?" Sam tries to play it cool but it doesn't come out exactly like that, instead, his voice sounds hoarse even to his own ears. Dean is looking at him with wide eyes like he can't believe what Sam actually said. Sam continues.

"You didn't do or say anything wrong today. I acted out because every time you are here, I don't want to spend my time anywhere else.. And it was just a misplaced anger on you because you were saying the opposite of what I wanted to do.." Sam continues further, all the while his cheeks heating up by his blatant admittance of wanting to spend every second with Dean but he doesn't stop "..I shouldn't have said what I said to you. I was wrong. And I want you to listen to me carefully when I say that you shouldn't think that you can't tell me anything. I am not saying I am going to listen to you everytime, but what I am saying is that you have all the right to say to me what you want. You hear me?" Sam says with emphasise.

"All I heard was that when I tell you to do something, you aren't going to listen." Dean says this with a smile which is reaching his eyes, and Sam knows that all is well between them. Sam gives him a grateful smile. Wanting to hold Dean close again but he needs tocontrol his emotions. Dean is going to think that Sam has gone out of his mind, wanting to hold Dean again and again.

The air cleared between them and Dean has understood what Sam was really trying to convey that he is important. Sam gives him a smile of his own again.

"You don't need to appologise either Sam. I get where you are coming from. Okay?.." Dean says in a serious tone now and continues ".. I know you have decided everything for yourself your whole life.. And it must be a little disconcerting someone telling you what to do, even if its the most trivial thing.." Dean explains and Sam thinks that Dean doesn't want Sam to blame himself for anything. He is defending Sam's behaviour. Sam doesn't know whether he should laugh or cry, he settles in the middle.

"Yeah.. You are right about that. But I wasn't thinking about that then. I was just thinking that someone wants to take my time away from you..even if it was you, yourself.. If it even makes sense..." Sam says, a blush rising on his cheeks again. He sees Dean laughing and say "Okay Samantha, I figured you all wrong it seems." Sam also laughs at that.

"You know, I really thought you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore." Dean says after a while.

"Nah.. Didn't even cross my mind.." Sam reassures and then remembers something else.

"Hey, why did you think I was hurt or something like that?" Sam asks.

"You said in the afternoon that you would be early today, but then you didn't come, even past your normal time.. And then.. You weren't answering your phone.. I think you gave me all the reasons to think that. Don't you.." Dean explains.

"Shit.. " Sam mutters.

"What?" Dean asks with a raised eyebrow.

"I am really sorry, I think you started calling me just after I forgot my phone in the library.." Sam says and Dean looks at him with a confused expression.

"Actually, I couldn't concentrate in the classes after what happened earlier today. I was so distracted that I ended up bunking my last class also and went to the library..." Sam says.

"Oh.. That explains a lot. It gave me a real scare though. Jess told me you didn't attend your last class also and she hadn't seen you as well.. That's when I got real scared about you being not okay.." Dean clarifies.

"She was the one who told me where you were also, remind me to thank her properly later. Anyway, when I was leaving the library, I forgot my phone there. Its still there though, if not already stolen. I only realised that I don't have it when I wanted to reach you.. So there you are.. I didn't have my phone with me.." Sam says and continues "So.. When I saw you weren't there in the room, I thought you had left." Sam finishes with a sigh, remembering the feeling when he had realised that Dean had left.

"I went out to look for you.. And then ended up in the parking lot, where you found me..not knowing what to do.." Dean says.

"I had never felt more helpless in my life as I was feeling at that time..don't do that to me again.." Dean says, with a clenched jaw like he is trying so hard not to give in his emotions. Sam nods. They are sitting on Sam's bed, side by side. Propped on the head board. They fall quiet for a few minutes. The silence, as always, not uncomfortable between them.

"Thank You." Sam says in a small voice.

"You too.." Dean says, and Sam doesn't need to ask for what he is thanking for. Knows very well that he is thanking Sam for understanding the motive behind Dean's words.

"So, are you really that interested in going to watch the game?" Dean asks with a raised eyebrow and an amused smile playing on his lips.

"Are you?" Sam counters, with his own raised brows and a smile.

"I think we both can agree that it was a ploy for you to call me.." Dean says with a smirk and Sam laughs.

"You caught me.." He grins.

"So, what do you say we blow the game.. I have some place to show you.." Dean asks hopefully, and Sam isn't gonna be the one to refuse any plan initiated by Dean. He doesn't even ask where Dean wants to take him. He just says "You got it.." And they grin at each other like they don't have any worry of the world.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Dean takes Sam to the clearing in the woods which stretches along the various beaches. Dean had ran into this place when he was hunting a shape shifter. He had spent that night here in the car and had enjoyed the sky in its full glory.

He parks the car on the inside of the road, as inside as it can get since woods and trees and all. Sam is looking confused as where Dean has brought them because the clearing is not visible from the outside. Dean doubts that many people even know if the place exists. He doesn't say anything to Sam though. He just stops the car and gets out of it, motioning Sam to do the same. Confused hazel eyes look at him but he does as told. Dean makes sure that the car is not visible from the road and takes out some blankets and a six pack of beer which he hands to Sam and starts walking. There is no path, so Dean just tries to imagine the previous time. He looks back to make sure Sam is following. It takes them ten minutes walking into the woods when Dean finally reaches the destination.

"Oh my God.. Wow.." He turns to look at Sam. Sam is looking at the place in awe. Dean had the same reaction to it, obviously after he had wasted the monster. It is as same as before, Dean observes. The clearing is in the shape of an alcove, trees surrounding the sides. The water doesn't seem like a part of a sea, but of a big, beautiful pond. The moon reflecting in the water, a wavy reflection giving it a blue hue like the water is lighted inside out in silvery blue. Dean understands why Sam loves nature so much, you don't have to do anything to make it beautiful. It is beautiful as it comes. Dean puts the blankets down and spreads them on the relatively clean space. He sees Sam putting the six pack down as well and then walking around the clearing as if capturing every groves in his memory.

"I wish I had a camera with me.." Sam says, almost reverently. Like if he speaks louder, he would somehow distort the beauty and calmness of this place. Dean doesn't have any qualms like that though.

"It is night, Sam." He says, his voice echoing a little bit. Sam looks at him with a face, which Dean is going to call a bitch face from now.

"They have night modes." Sam says, still his bitch face on and Dean mutters a whatever in his direction and finishes setting the blankets. He sits on it and pats beside, motioning Sam to come and sit as well. After a few minutes, Sam comes and sits beside Dean. They look out the front in silence, just enjoying the scenery. The stars above adding to the beauty. After a while, they both lie, both hands under the head. Sam tells him of the constellations.

"The nature really intrigues me, you know.. All the things we don't know. We don't even know what we are missing yet.." Sam says, still in a quiet voice. Dean nods, but then remembers that it is dark and they are not looking at each other, but at the great expanse of the sky. They don't talk about what happened today. Sam doesn't bring it up, and Dean isn't an idiot to bring it up himself. He leaves the dogs sleeping. Sam asks him how he found this place and Dean recounts him the story and how he ended up spending the night here.

They are just talking random small things when Dean blurts out "My mom died when I was 4 years old." Dean doesn't know where it came from, one second they were discussing the pros and cons of taking a swim in the water and the next, out of nowhere, Dean says this. He doesn't know why he said this, he doesn't talk about it, not ever. People who know don't bring it up, and the ones who don't, Dean shuts them up even before they bring it up. He waits for Sam's reaction, but it doesn't come. The only thing which Dean notices is the slight turn of Sam's body towards him. The only indication that he heard and is attentive, but at the same time giving Dean an out if he wants. Dean is grateful for it. He contemplates whether he should continue or not. He has never talked to anyone about it. Its like a weight in his heart. He doesn't think he has the courage to bring it up. Too much emotions attached to it, the reason his life changed in the worst way possible. Too many bitter memories. He doesn't know if he would be able to calm himself once the dam is broken. He turns his head slightly to look at Sam. Sam's face is a combination of blue and white shade, giving it an eerie glow to it. His eyes attentive. Dean closes his eyes at the sight, suddenly not so sure which is more beautiful, Sam or this place, and sighs. He then turns his head and stares straight upwards at the heavens.

"She was very beautiful... She used to put me to bed every night, and had never once left without reading me a story or singing a song. She used to sing me 'Hey Jude'. I always thought that she had a beautiful voice.." Dean hitches in a breath, and takes a deep breath. Trying to keep the emotions at bay. He feels Sam move a little closer.

"She was a house wife. Didn't work. She loved baking. Used to make me different kind of things which I don't even know the names of. She was a great cook all in all. Everything she used to make had some otherworldly taste to it. After she died, I wondered sometimes if she was a chef or something like that.." Dean says, chukling, which sounds more like a sob to his ears.

"I feel like I lost my dad that day as well. He wasn't the same anymore. He tried his best in raising me, but I never got my father back. Sometimes, I can't even reconcile this version of dad with the one he used to be when mom was alive. I didn't lose a part of my dad when mom died, instead, I lost all of him. He just seems like a broken shell of a man. And I don't blame him, you know, losing a loved one can make you like that. But I lost everything that night." Dean stops after that. His throat is clogging. He sits up, trying to take deep breaths. He can't say anything more. Doesn't know how to put the loss he feels into words. God. It hurts. It really hurts. He feels his heart constricting in his chest. He had never allowed himself to think about all of the things. Whenever the thoughts tried to creep in his heart and mind, he used to drown them in booze or some willing girl. Now though, its all out. He feels like he is cracked inside out. After all the years of suppressed emotions, talking it out in the open has teared him apart. He feels like he is going to shatter with the pain. He is so weak. He isn't the only person after all who has suffered in the world, one person is sitting beside him as well, a silent companion, but he sure as hell doesn't know how to deal with this. He feels hands coming around his shoulders. He was so wrapped up in himself that he had forgotten where he was. He has laid himself open in front of Sam. Shown Sam how vulnerable he actually is, not the person Sam has known. Who appears to be strong with a devil may care attitude, but someone who isn't even able to handle himself. He feels Sam pulling him close and Dean buries his head in Sam's neck and shoulder juncture. His other hand winding around Sam's middle. And he can't stop the tears from flowing. All of it coming out through his eyes. He chokes out a sob and Sam holds him even tighter, not saying a word. Just a comfortable support for Dean. Dean is grateful, he doesn't know if he would have handled Sam's question. He stays in the embrace of Sam for a few minutes. Sam strokes his hair and his back and it sends a shiver racing down Dean's spine. Jesus. Its getting cold here. He disentangles himself from Sam, but Sam doesn't let him go far though. His hand is still around Dean's shoulder. He gives up and leans into Sam's body. After a while, Sam opens up the six pack and they sip the luke warm beer in relative silence. It is such contrast to their earlier situation now. Dean is thinking how to break the silence when Sam says, out of the blue.

"I want to get my own place.I hate living at the dorms. I want to have my space."

"Is it what you were referring to on the phone?" Dean asks, remembering the last phone call they had when Sam said that he wants to tell Dean something.

"Hmm.. I have been thinking about it for a while now. I have enough savings now, so I thought its about time.." Sam says, his voice sounding so close to Dean's ears. They are sitting so close. There sides touching.

"Do you have a place in mind?" Dean asks.

"No, not yet. I will start looking though."

"I assume you would want the place near the campus. Right?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, preferably. But not that much near. I don't mind walking a bit." Sam shrugs.

"Yeah.. Okay."

They fall quiet after that. Dean feels a lot easy now. He has managed to spill his guts, and still came out of it with dignity..you know, not counting crying like a girl. He had expected Sam to sympathise, which he hates, and its one of the main reasons why he doesn't do the sharing crap. He doesn't want peoples sympathy. He can't blame them though, what else can they do, really? But Sam didn't do anything like that. He is also happy that Sam felt to tell Dean about his plans.

"What about Jess?" Dean remembers suddenly.

"What about her?" Sam asks, confusion evident in his voice.

"She is your girlfriend Sam." Dean says, like Sam isn't already aware of it.

"Yeah.. So?" Sam is still sounding confused and Dean sighs. It seems that Sam hasn't thought about it.

"She would want to move in with you.. You know?

"Shit.."

"Yeah, shit.." Dean says.

"I am not going to ask her.." Sam says, he sounds doubtful himself.

"Yeah I know, but she would.." And ain't that the truth. As much as he has known Jessica, she is not going to wait for Sam to ask. Just like she asked Sam out first, she is going to do the same with this as well. Jessica is a nice girl, but he knows that Sam isn't really happy with her.

"I know its none of my business Sam, but, are you really happy with her?" Dean finally speaks out his concerns. Sam just looks down at that. Its an answer enough for Dean.

"Sammy.." Dean sighs.

"Its not fair to her either if you can't give her what she deserves. You don't like her in that way Sam.. Just.. Just tell her.." Dean feels some kind of exhiliaration thinking about Sam being free of any commitment which he doesn't dwell on, as usual.

"I.. Dean.. I .. You are right.. I don't want to be with her.. I had tried..you know? Gave myself time, thinking that one day it might happen.. But I just don't see it happening anymore.. I don't know.. I don't even want to try anymore.." Sam says this all the while looking down like he is confessing to a sin.

"I don't want to hurt her.." Sam says.

"You are hurting yourself also, Sam." Dean says.

"You know, I figured the first time when I met her that you don't like her in that way.." Dean admits.

"Yeah? How?" Sam asks, curiosity in his voice.

"You weren't just acting like people who are in a relationship. Not that I know about how people act in a relationship that much. But you were reserved around her like you were with the rest of your friends.. So, not that much difference.." Dean says.

"You are right. I am being unfair to her.. I will try to...break it off.." Sam says with a sigh.

"That's my boy.." Dean says with a smile. He doesn't know why he is happy about it though. Maybe Sam would find someone with whom he is happy, or this is what Dean tells himself.

They stay at the clearing for some time more on insistence of Sam. On their way back, they stop at a diner and Dean makes Sam eat cheese burger saying that he should also take a break from his crap healthy food. They also stop for ice cream. Sam tells him that Brad is going home for the weekend and Dean doesn't even say anything this time, knows that he is going to stay with Sam, and he doesn't find himself complaining.

Sam makes him watch cartoons and Dean gets tears in his eyes laughing. As much as the day started crappy, it is just ending on the opposite note. Another good day spent. He checks his phone, hoping not to see anything. And he is glad. He calls dibs on Sam's bed again and Sam grumbles half heartedly at that, Dean knew Sam was already giving him his bed, but well, appearances. Dean closes his eyes with a content smile on his lips.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Dean is back on the road after spending the better part of the week and weekend with Sam. The trip didn't go out as smoothly but it was one of the better. Dean realises with a start how almost lightening this trip had been, in terms of the relationship with Sam and in general. Things with Sam had been going out too smoothly to be real. His not-actually-an-argument with Sam had left him reeling. He couldn't believe at that time how just a small thing could result in such a big mess which was actually more based on misunderstandings and over active imaginations on the both sides. But it was for the better. He got to know Sam more, his insecurities as well, showing Dean that he is not the only one who feels lonely and damaged in their friendship.

Dean looks out at the passing scenery, all monotone in their green and an endless asphalt leading seemingly to nowhere. His life used to be like this, not knowing where it is gonna lead him, and not even caring about it. Just trying to go day after day, and not caring if he doesn't survive the next day. It was just the endless road, shabby motels and off the road dingy bars where any decent human being would have to think a hundred times before going and deciding not to go in the end. Girls he wouldn't even remember faces of, let alone their names. Meeting faceless peoples in the long stretch of the journey. But he feels different now, his life doesn't feel as aimless as it used to feel. He doesn't feel as drifted. He can't deny the fact that it has something to do with Sam. He thinks back to the time when he didn't know Sam, and the last few months when Sam had been on his mind for the better part. There has been a glaringly stark difference. There is someone now who cares whether he makes out of a hunt in one piece or not, someone who Dean can count on to show up anytime and who actually wants to see him. Dean still remembers when he was bidding his good bye to Sam, he had said that '_I am sure you wouldn't want to see me for another year or so man, that's how long I hung out this time around… sick of me?__'_Dean had asked, with nervousness and hope at the same time duelling in his voice. He had just asked it on a whim, but when the words were actually out, Dean had realised how much Sam's answer actually mattered. '_Uhh.. I don't know man, I am not known to make wise decisions in my life.. so I don't know what it means when I say that I would like to see your ugly mug everyday here. and its only for the food. You make awesome food.__'_Sam had said that in a mocking tone but with such sincerity in his eyes that Dean's ever-so-present doubt had taken a back seat at that time. This had happened a week ago. Now, after a hunt under his belt and a healthy amount of text exchanges between him and Sam, he was feeling kind of jittery. Desperately looking for a hunt, otherwise he would end up going to Sam again, just after a week. He knows Sam wouldn't mind, might actually be happy about it. But Dean doesn't want to look like a pathetic teenager whose voice has yet to break by going to Sam every chance he gets. And its not even like he has the chance now, he just needs to look hard enough and he would find hundred hunts in just a ten mile radius. He could also contact Bobby or Ellen who would be more than happy to direct him towards any suspicious place. He is stalling, he realises. Just wanting another excuse to go visit Sam under the pretence of being free when he knows better that there are always people who need saving. Dean is being ridiculous. In his defense, though, Sam has him all knotted up and he can't concentrate, and he might end up killing himself. And Dean doesn't know when his life started mattering to him. Dean needs to get his head checked. He sighs and tightens his knuckles on the steering wheel. He contemplates on finding a motel and crash for the remaining day and night. He doesn't want to stay in his head and crash his baby. After another painful hour of driving, he finally finds a motel off the road with a vacancy sign. He sighs in relief. He doesn't know when his life changed to only been on the road till he drops dead, to just been passing out in a motel whenever he likes. He falls onto the bed face first. He takes out his phone and checks for calls, which he knows won't be there, and messages which he hopes are there, and, sure enough, there are messages from Sam. Just telling Dean of random stuff and asking how he is doing. Dean types out a quick reply and hits send. He sighs again, that's the only thing he is been doing. He closes his eyes and can't stop the images of Sam coming behind his eye lids. Sam's smile and the dimples which Dean loves so much. The ever changing colour of Sam's eyes. God. Dean needs to do something about it. His obsession, or whatever you want to call it, with Sam is going out of control. He can't help himself thinking about Sam. His mere presence in Dean's life has tilted it from its orbit and Dean feels disoriented. His life may have more meaning, but he is out of sorts himself. His emotions are all over the place and he doesn't know how to contain them. If he doesn't sort this out in his head, he may get crazy. He needs to do something. You don't normally feel like this for your friend. Its not like he knows, but still. These are too much feelings for a friend. Maybe the main reason that Dean is feeling like this because Sam is the first person that Dean has allowed himself to care about. Or more precisely, he didn't allow anything, it just happened when Dean was busy freaking out and he didn't realise it at that time. But now, its too late. He can't deny the feeling that washes over him when he is with Sam, and how much Sam makes him happy. Dean maybe feeling a little more than friends towards Sam. The first friend he makes, and he starts thinking about it more. God. He doesn't want to lose Sam's friendship over this. He has to keep himself under control, he just have to, because he can't stay away from Sam. He won't. He would get his act together, but he wants Sam in his life one way or another. He just doesn't have any idea how he is going to deal with the feelings which are all over the place, but he will.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N : I am sorry for the late update. I have not been feeling okay and I am also writing my exams. Its not a good combination. I hope to upload soon after my exams.

Chapter 26

The next visit to Palo Alto, Sam has shifted to his own place which is a few blocks away from his campus. Sam had told him about the house, a single story with three bed rooms and a small lounge and kitchen. Dean was surprised how Sam found an apartment with these many rooms. The landlord to the house, a lady, was leaving the states but didn't want to sell the property. She rented it to Sam with a reasonable amount on the agreement that it would be Sam's responsibility to look after the property. It was a fair deal, so Sam had accepted. Sam had also told Dean where he had kept extra set of keys to the house so that Dean could come at any time. Dean was speechless when Sam had said that, thank God they were on the phone. Now Dean is on his way to Sam's house. He stops in the drive way and parks the car. Its a modest house, with green and white exterior. The house doesn't feel like it was built before mankind, instead, it has a modern feel to it. Dean makes his way to the steps and to the door. He finds the keys under a plant pot which is placed strategically as not to be seen from casual eyes, unless you know where to find it. Dean enters the house. A small corridor opens up to a open kitchen which is organised neatly with shelves mounted on the wall. The kitchen is clean. There is a small area where there is a small table with four chairs, which needs to be changed, Dean thinks. He turns to the left and there is a lounge, where his eyes first land on a very big, comfortable looking couch, a chocolate brown colour with love seats on opposite sides. There is a flat screen TV opposite the couch, and Dean sees some CDs stacked on the small shelf with is just placed near the TV. Dean can see a corridor opposite the wall of the TV and knows it goes to the bed rooms. Dean wonders whether he should go and check them out too, but thinks the better of it. Sam would give him a tour later. Sam doesn't know that Dean is coming. Dean wanted to surprise Sam, but its getting old now. Whatever. Dean is just about to flop on the couch to take a nap when his eyes fall on the shelf mounted along the wall on the opposite side. He slowly makes his way there, not believing what he actually sees. Pictures of him and Sam are put in various frames, neatly arranged on the shelf. Dean swallows. These are the pictures from his last visit when he and Sam went to the beach. Dean was surprised that Sam hadn't gone to the beach before. So they had made a plan, only the two of them. It was an awesome trip. They had a lot of fun. Dean had bought a camera and they had taken pictures there, and also random pictures when they just went out after that. They had taken out two copies of the photographs, each keeping one. He touches the photos reverently, Sam had put these photographs in a frame, for the world to see. There are pictures of Sam and him only. Not the family, not friends, and it sends a now familiar thrill down Dean's spine when Sam does these things for him which means the world to Dean and it seems like Sam does them for Dean only and Dean feels special. Things between them have been changing gradually, little, but surely. They had become more close, physically. All those touchy feely crap Dean ran away from, now he craved from Sam. A touch here and there. A hand on the back. Shoulders brushing. Sitting too close for just two dude friends. But Dean didn't run away from it. He savoured it. He was not that stupid to let it go. And Dean knew that Sam wasn't oblivious to the the changes between them either, but neither dared to talk about it. Dean can't even imagine how it would go like. '_Hey Sam, why can't I keep my hands to myself when you are around. Don't my hands love me anymore..' _Dean snorts just thinking about it. Yeah, that's going to go too well. But well, there is no harm done. Its not like those touches were anything but innocent. Dean doesn't deliberately try to stay close to Sam. It just happens. He isn't even aware of it most of the times. Except, one time, he remembers clearly. They were at the beach horsing around. Sam had thrown mud on his face and ran. Dean had yelped like a girl and started running behind Sam. Then Sam had collided with someone and his motion was halted, Dean in his momentum had clashed into Sam and they both fell down in a tangle of limbs. They were both laughing, but then Dean had suddenly realised in what positions they were and his throat felt dry. Dean was on top of Sam. Sam's one hand was on Dean's hip and other was curled around Dean's neck. While Dean's hand were on each side of Sam's head. Their legs were tangled together. To anyone passing, it would have looked like they were making out, that's how close they were. Dean could very well feel the heat seeping from Sam's skin where his shirt had ridden up from the waist. His moist breath on the neck and Dean wanted to snuggle into Sam and just stay like that. Even Sam had gone quiet after a while. Seeming to realise their awkward position but neither of them disentangling. Dean could feel every inch where he was touching Sam, and that was everywhere. Someone clearing their throat had taken them out of their stupor and thank goodness for that. Dean was going crazy with how close Sam was. He would have done something monumentally stupid, like kissed Sam. Sam was blushing furiously and Dean wasn't any better off. The memory had frequented Dean's mind a lot after that.

So, sometimes their closeness went unnoticed to them, and sometimes it couldn't be more obvious. Dean comes back to the couch and flops down. Sam would be back in a few hours and Dean can take a nap in that time.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Dean's eyes flutter open when a delicious aroma of food hits his nose. He takes in his surroundings, trying to remember where he is.

"Welcome home." He hears someone and whips his head to the direction of the sound. Sam is grinning ear to ear. Looking so happy, Dean's heart constricts in his chest for a moment. He slept longer than he intended. He smiles in return. They just look at each other for a few seconds and then Sam is taking big steps towards him and Dean finds himself hugged to an inch of his life by Sam.

"Damn.. Its good to see you.." Sam murmurs nears his ear. Dean hugs him back as tight, suppressing a full body shiver. Damn. They are still smiling when they pull apart.

"So... You gonna show me the home or what.." Dean says while sweeping a hand gesture to encompass said house.

"You haven't seen?" Sam asks skeptically.

"Nah.. Was waiting for your butt to show up.." Dean says, muffling a yawn behind his hands. He stretches his body, trying to get out the kinks. The couch really was as comfortable as it looked. Dean looks up at Sam catching him eyeing Dean wierdly. Sam averts his eyes as soon as he notices Dean watching. Dean just shrugs.

"Come on." Sam says walking towards the rooms. Sam enters the first room which is on right side down the corridor. Dean follows behind. The room is spacious. A king sized bed in the middle of the room flanked by night stands on both sides. There is a study table facing the window of the room which is opposite of the door. A dresser in front of the bed and to the side a built in closet. At least Sam was saved the hassle of buying the cupboard. There are pictures on the wall on both sides of the dresser which Dean gives a cursory glance to. The colour of the walls are a shade of blue which Dean doesn't know the name of but it resembles a lot like the blue which are normal in school uniforms. The room doesn't have any more furniture. Dean opens his mouth to comment when his eyes fall upon the pictures on the wall, which Dean had just glanced first. He walks closer. There are 2 pictures of him and Sam on the wall, from the same beach picnic. Dean was already taken aback by the photographs in the living room which Sam had put on the mantle. He doesn't know what to say to this. He swallows the sudden lump stuck in his throat.

"Uhh.. This is.." He swallows. "The room just looks like its straight out from the TV" Dean tries to say that in a straight voice, but it comes out all throaty. Thankfully, Sam doesn't seem to notice. He knows he should say something sarcastic about the pictures, but he can't come up with anything in the time being. So he just stays quiet.

"Yeah well..." Sam says looking down.. "I am not creative so just made it like everyone does.." Dean wants to say that Sam is far from everyone. That Dean has never met anyone like Sam. He isn't like everyone else. Sam is just Sam. Dean thinks Sam of as an adjective, and then rolls his eyes to himself. Damn. He needs to check if he had turned into a girl overnight.

"You don't need to decorate your room, Samantha.." Dean says with a teasing tone "come on, show me what you else you have got.." Only when Dean has said the words out loud, he realises how inappropriate they are sounding. He looks at Sam who is blushing crimson red and looking adorable while doing it.

"You ashamed of something Sammy?" Dean draws out the word Sammy with a leer in his voice. He doesn't know what he is doing but he is having fun watching Sam blush all shades of red. Suddenly Sam postures changes, and he looks up with sharp eyes at Dean. No trace of his previous flush on his face, neither the downcast of his eyes. Its like a different version of Sam altogether which Dean didn't know about. His shoulders squared, eyes sharp and focused like a predator waiting for his prey Even the hair falling on his face seem to add to the effect instead of making him look boyish. Sam takes a step towards Dean, crowding him into the wall. Dean's throat suddenly feels dry.

"You wanna see?" Sam asks in a very gravely and sexy voice and Dean is stunned into silence. He would have checked Sam for possession if he could co coordinate his limbs enough to move. Sam is looking at him with intent, and Dean swallows hard. Not able to move. He knows he is blushing but can't seem to stop himself, or do anything. Really. He is stupefied by this possessed Sam. Who is very very hot. A far cry from the Sam he knows. He tries to say something, he really does, but its like the words have stuck in his throat. He swallows again and turns his eyes down before he embarrasses himself. He then hears Sam's booming laugh and looks up. Sam is laughing so hard, while pointing his hands to Dean indicating that he is laughing at him. Wow. Great. He just got played by the boy who he was thinking of being adorable. Damn. But Sam is good at it. This is how he must be in bed. Dean thinks and then blushes furiously again. Can't deny the fact that he really would want to see Sam like that... God. Dean needs to get a grip. Sam is still laughing and Dean tries the thing which is called talking.

"I hate you.." Dean mutters. And this sets off Sam on another round. Sam is doubled over laughing and Dean feels his mouth tugging upwards in a curve. Sam's laughter is infectious, even though he is laughing at Dean, which he is so gonna pay for. He moves towards Sam and punches him on the shoulder.

"That wasn't funny.." He mutters while glaring and Sam who was finally controlling his laughter, bursts out in a feast of giggles. Giggling ! Can you believe it. God. Sam is going to be the death of him, he knows it.

"That was.." Giggle.." Really really funny..." Sam rasps out in a fit of giggles. Dean just glares at him hard, as if its going to stop Sam from milking the moment for all its worth. Finally Sam's fit of laughter and giggles subsides and he wipes the tears on his face. Dean is trying all his might not to smile at the sight. He has a reputation to maintain after all.

"Dude, you should have looked at your face... Priceless man priceless.." Sam says with an amused smirk on his face and its like Dean is rendered speechless today at everything. Damn.

"I hate you though.." Dean mutters again and Sam puts an arm around his shoulder in a manner like he is placating a child and laughs.

"Come on man, let's go see other rooms.." Sam nudges Dean towards the door. Sam opens the door on the left side of the corridor to a bathroom. Its just like every other typical bathroom.

"So, this is the bathroom..."

"Yeah.. I can see.." Dean says entering the said room and looking down the sinks and all like checking for plumbing problems.

"Uh... What are you doing Dean..?" Sam asks from behind.

"I am checking." Dean replies while moving around and checking for invisible damages.

"Uhh..okay?" Sam says skeptically and moves out of the bathroom leaving Dean to do whatever he is doing. Dean comes out of the bathroom seeming satisfied. Sam is fidgeting like he is nervous about something. He motions Dean towards the room which is on the far left corner of the corridor, bypassing the room which is beside his bedroom. Dean shrugs and follows Sam. The room is fairly small. There is a shelf in the room which is brimming with books and a table and chair. Nothing else.

"Don't have anything to put here... I guess the house is too big for me huh.." Sam mutters while gesturing around the almost empty room.

"The way I see it.." Dean says "The floors are soon going to be filled out by books man.." Dean says gesturing to the floor. "What do you do with these so many books.." Dean asks pointing at the shelf where nothing more can fit, Dean thinks.

"Uhh yeah.. I have to sort them out.." Sam says, fidgeting. Dean doesn't know why Sam is looking so nervous all of a sudden. Did he miss something when he was checking the bathroom. They come out of that room. Dean starts walking towards the room adjacent to Sam's. He looks behind his shoulders, Sam is still standing there fidgeting, his eyes obscured by his ever present bangs.

"You coming..? Dean asks pointing towards the room. Sam nods slightly and finally starts moving still nervous as hell. Dean wonders what Sam is getting all nervous about. He shrugs mentally. Sam is unlocking the door, the rest of the rooms were unlocked though. The door opens with a click sound. Dean shrugs past Sam and enters into the room. It is set as another bedroom. A medium sized bed in front and a dresser as well.

"Sam.." Dean starts "Why the hell is there a guest room here?" Dean asks, astonished. Sam has never mentioned any guests visiting. Hell he is the only one who visits Sam.

"Its.." Sam starts and then fidgets a little more "Its your room."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"My room?" Dean exhales. He can't believe what Sam just said. He looks at Sam, then to the room. Sam. Room. He exhales again.

"What?!" Sam is still looking nervous as hell and really, Dean would have asked what's wrong but he has other pressing matters at hands now.

"Its... Its .. I just..I just thought since I have a spare room .. I could make it for when you come.." Sam sounds unsure of himself. Looking everywhere except for Dean. His hands are folded in front of him, hair falling into his eyes. Presenting a picture of nervousness. Dean wants to laugh at Sam, how this giant can fold into himself and manage to look threatening like a puppy, Dean doesn't know. Dean averts his eyes from Sam and looks around the room, not really looking, just fleeting his eyes around, his mind still comprehending what Sam just said about the room being his.

Dean remembers some of the things before his life went to hell. He hasn't exactly had a home after that. Sure, he stayed at Bobby's and Pastor Jim for longer periods when he was younger, even having his own space to himself, but those places never felt like home even though Bobby and Pastor Jim tried their best to make it good for him. It just used to feel another motel room where he didn't need to worry about if he stays after his checkout time. Anyway, this is not the time to reminiscent in those memories because Dean doesn't expect anything stable in his life anymore so he doesn't think about it anymore. Doesn't even care about it.

"Why?" Dean doesn't even know when the words are out from his mouth but he doesn't want to take them back. He would have asked it anyway. He looks up at Sam who is still fidgeting.

"Told you... Just had an extra room is all.." Sam tries to down play it, but his nervousness gives him away. Dean doesn't mention the fact that there is another spare room which is almost empty, nor the fact that Sam can do plenty of things with the extra room, he just doesn't have the furniture now but its not going to be that way forever. Dean still doesn't understand why the hell would Sam want a room for him, not like Dean stays here anyway. But it means something to Sam if his current state of fidgeting and nervousness is anything to go by. Dean goes with the first logical answer his mind had supplied with.

"Dude ! I don't stay here." Dean states the obvious.

"Yeah... You are...you are right..Never mind.. Let's just go.." Sam says looking down, and starts to turn away when Dean catches his wrist to stop him from leaving. Sam doesn't turn around to face Dean but he isn't trying to escape either. Dean pulls him by one shoulder and forces Sam to turn his way. Sam turns reluctantly, still not looking Dean in the eye.

"Hey..." Dean says in his most soft voice.

"You gonna talk to me?" Sam is obviously disappointed of Dean's reaction. But Dean wasn't thinking. He wasn't expecting something like this.

"I just... I just thought... When you visit you can..." Sam says still looking down and gesticulating around the room as he encompasses the room with his hands continuing the sentence with his actions rather than the words. Words are over rated anyway "and I just wanted to...to do it" Sam finishes with confidence like he is sure about what he wanted and is not actually nervous about it, but worrying how Dean would take to it. Dean shouldn't be surprised by this gesture of Sam, but he is. He can't help it. Sam didn't only make Dean a part of his life, but his home too. And Dean? Dean doesn't know how to react. He is once again overwhelmed by how considerate Sam is about him, in about everything. And Dean is always taken by surprise. How can he not? When Dean comes to think of it, Sam has been doing things for him since they friggin met and as the time has carried, meanings behind those actions have become more real, more intensified and more genuine. God. How is Dean supposed to not feel something for this guy? The most caring and genuine person Dean has ever met. He doesn't know how he got this lucky to find someone like Sam in his life. Because luck and Winchesters never go hand in hand, life has shoved the evidence of this enough times in his face. But he got lucky this time somehow, and he is grateful. It makes all the crappy luck worthwhile if he gets to have this. Gets to have Sam.

Dean looks at Sam and realises that he hasn't spoken for a few minutes and Sam must be taking it wrong. He clears his throat a little. He isn't sure he can speak without his voice breaking with the emotion Sam has incited in him once again.

"You won't show me around huh?" Dean's voice comes out all hoarse instead of the light tone he was aiming for, but is friggin worth it when he sees Sam lift his eyes and they are glinting in what can be some little simmer of hope. He didn't screw it completely at least.

"Its okay Dean... I understand why you wouldn't like it.." Sam looks at Dean while saying that and Dean can see his emotions changing from one to another and not stopping on anyone, seeming to say something else and Dean is surprised to see the understanding in Sam's eyes now when they have finally stopped changing with the myriad of emotions, as well as the residue of previous disappointment, but Dean cuts him off before Sam says another word "I didn't assume you to be so presumptuous man.." Dean says in a friendly tone with a raised eyebrow. Sam looks confused at that. Nose all scrunched up and forehead marring with the lines. Damn! he looks adorable like this. You wouldn't believe that this same man can pull up an act like he did in the room.

"Huh?" Sam says in a confused tone.

"Did I say I didn't like the room?" Dean elaborates, separating each word like he is explaining something to a child, his eyebrows shooting up again in question.

"Ohh..." Sam makes out and before he is able to get another word out, Dean grabs him by his elbow and drags him deep inside the room. Dean looks around the room for the first time. Really looks, not just a glance. The colour is a shade darker than Sam's bed room with a dresser on the opposite wall of the bed just like Sam's. Why Sam thought Dean would want a dresser in his room, out of all things, is beyond Dean's understanding. He stops short when he sees photos again on one side of the wall of the dresser, he goes near them and sees that there are three pictures of himself, alone. No doubt to anyone who sees the room that it belongs to Dean. Damn. Dean feels his throat close up, a lump forming there and Dean really really needs to get a grip of his wayward emotions. Dean would turn into a girl if Sam keeps this things up. Sam reduces him to emotional mess where Dean doesn't have a handle on his own feelings. Dean is used to be in control dammit. But Sam always turns him upside down without even trying. Cracks him open like he knows Dean inside out and Dean is able to do shit. He feels Sam behind him and turns to face him. Sam is nearer than he expected and Dean doesn't think what he is doing until he has his hands around Sam who is now crushed against Dean. Dean has a tight hold on Sam and he really doesn't know where that came from. Just that he needs it. Dean is feeling haywired and Sam is the only one who feels solid, real even though Sam is the one to cause it in the first place. Sam is still in his arms for a few excruciating seconds and then Sam returns the hug, bringing his own hands around Dean and pulling him more closer, as if it was possible. Dean really doesn't know why he is doing it, still holding Sam when he should let go, just wanting to get himself together by leaning on Sam who is keeping him grounded now, and if Dean blurs the meaning between leaning and gripping tight? Well who is gonna question him on his vocabulary in his own mind. He just knows that this boy is so important to him, and its not because Sam has given him a friggin room. Even if he hadn't, Dean would be feeling the same. Its because Sam gets him on level the other peoples haven't. Not wanting anything from him, not imposing, not expecting anything and certainly not judging him. Sam hasn't said anything yet, and Dean is glad because Dean is out of all sorts to respond anything which will make sense to Sam. He just inhales deep in the scent of Sam surrounding him and filling his senses, not wanting to let go yet, but knowing he has to now. Its not normal for two dudes to hug like this for forever, and Dean wants to laugh at the irony of that. Normal? Yeah right. Figures this would be the time when Dean would think about normal. So friggin convenient. Instead of letting go, Dean whispers a small "thank you" in Sam's ears. And Dean hopes, no scratch that, Dean knows that Sam would get what Dean actually means by it. That Dean is not actually thanking about the room, but about the reasons and feelings behind it and behind everything Sam has done for him and keeps doing. Its for the reasons that no one has ever done anything close to like this for Dean what Sam does on a regular basis and doesn't think of it as an obligation or in sympathy, but because Sam actually wants to do and means them. Dean steels himself and holds on for just a few seconds more before pulling his hands away, and then he leans in a little and brushes his lips against Sam's temple. Dean would be surprised if Sam even felt that, is how fleeting it was. Sam goes still for a second and he certainly noticed that. Damn. What the hell is wrong with Dean. He really needs to think before he acts otherwise he is going to mess this up and he really really doesn't want that. Dean is still berating himself in his mind when he feels Sam's hand brush his, wanting his attention maybe, because Dean is afraid to look at Sam, doesn't know what he is gonna find on beautiful face of his because Dean couldn't contain his feelings inside and let loose his emotions, not only that, even acted on it. Thank God he didn't do anything else. And what ANYTHING else means, Dean doesn't even want to think about it. Lest he starts acting upon them as well. He reluctantly looks up to find Sam looking at him sheepishly but a small smile around his lips accompanied by an equally small blush staining his cheeks in the most adorable way. Hair still trying to fall in his eyes and obscure them, but its okay, Dean knows that Sam's eyes are smiling just like his whole damn face which is too perfect to be real. Dean puts his hand on top where Sam is holding his wrist and squeezes in encouragement, and doesn't let go even when they have each other's full attention.

"Thank you, too.." Sam whispers in a small voice. They are still standing close with hands barely holding but still touching, and its like Sam doesn't want to shatter the cocoon they have made between them and Dean is more than okay with it.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Sam is trying to concentrate what he is reading, he really is but its really hard to focus when green eyes are swimming in his view with a persistence. And obviously, how could Sam focus on his studies in the face of that. No competition. Its been more than three weeks since Dean last visit and Sam is missing him fervently. He hasn't even talked to Dean on the phone recently because seemingly Dean is wrapped up in some hunt or another. Sam sighs. He looks around the library. Students scattered here and there, some seated in groups, others solo like him. He is sitting at the far end of the library with a big glass bay window looking out the great expanse of the college below. Sam hasn't heard from Dean in almost four days, not even a text message. He had gotten so used to Dean's random texts and calls that he almost forgot about how not convenient Dean's job is. Almost. Because whenever Dean is on a hunt, Sam practically waits for his messages so that he can know Dean is safe. There is always a nagging feeling in the back of his mind which randomly drives Sam in a fit of worry over Dean. He can't help but worry how Dean is when he is out on a hunt. Sam feels queasy just at the thought of Dean being hurt. He knows that can't really be avoided when you are a hunter. He is not that stupid. But it doesn't mean that Sam is supposed to like it. He looks at his book, he doesn't even know what the hell he was reading. He sighs in defeat. He is on a damn whiplash. Sometimes his brain decides to show all the ways in which Dean can be hurt, and other times, their last meeting plays in his mind on an endless loop making him gleeful. He can still vividly remember the scene from the room. It feels surreal even now, like it was happening outside of time or Sam was watching it on a television or something. But then he remembers the sensations that followed it and he can't help but be ecstatic at that. Sam sometimes wonders if he just imagined the brush of Dean's lip on his temple but then he remembers Dean's cute little blush and that can't be a figment of his imagination. He hadn't said anything after that, just felt the moment for what it was. Neither he nor Dean had mentioned that little display of affection which had Sam grinning like a fool. After that, they had settled on the couch with beer bottles and a movie. They had ended up dozing on the couch with Dean's head on Sam's shoulder and Sam's head on Dean's. Dean's one hand was on Sam's chest and when Sam had woken up in the position, he wanted to bolt with the awkwardness. It was like they were cuddling. But Dean was still asleep so there was no one to judge them, or so Sam told himself. He was feeling weird in a good way with Dean all up in his space and Sam had stayed like that for the duration of Dean's sleep, soaking in the close proximity of Dean and memorizing it. He had pulled Dean more close after that and dozed off himself again. But the most weird thing that had happened, which Sam didn't expect, was Dean's reaction. Dean was the one to wake Sam the second time. Dean had nudged him softly and said 'its time to wake up sleeping beauty'. Sam would have expected awkwardness from Dean, or even that he would wake up alone. But they were more or less in the same position as before and Dean had a small smile on his face. Sam had wondered for a second if he was still dreaming.

Sam smiles at the memory and shakes his head. He pulls out his phone and sends a text message to Dean with a 'hey'. He gathers his books and stands up to leave the library. When he is on the ground campus, Jess catches up with him.

"Hey Sam.." She says with a grin. Her hair is tied up in a pony tail. Mirth in her eyes. She really is beautiful. Sam thinks. But Sam... He just doesn't feel anything for her. He has given on trying on that as well. The reasons behind it, he doesn't want to contemplate on them now. He just wishes he could find the courage to breach the subject with Jess one day, and soon, hopefully.

"Hi." Sam smiles and continues.

"And yeah I know, today is Hayden's birthday.." Jess is opening her mouth to say something when Sam interrupts her again "and I have already wished him in the morning." Sam says grinning. Jess raises her eyebrows, unimpressed.

"Yeah I know all of that.." She says sounding unimpressed. Now its Sam's turn to be confused.

"But I am sure you have forgotten about the party we had planned.." Jess says with an all knowing look on her face and Sam wants to smack himself on the head. Dammit. He totally forgot about it.

"And no, you are not conning yourself out of it" guilt card is coming next "you should think about Hayden." Here it comes. Sam sighs internally. Hayden is one of the person who Sam thinks as a good friend. He doesn't badger Sam for anything and just accepts him as he is. He really is a nice person. But Sam still doesn't like these type of things. 'Unless its with Dean...' His mind supplies not so helpfully and he quashes it down. But can't deny it. Its the truth. Plain and simple.

"Yeah yeah..I am coming..." Sam manages a small smile at that. He doesn't like when anyone uses that sort of things to get their way. Its not their fault anyway. Sam isn't really an easy person to be around, and they are sticking with him still, so that must count for something. Jess gives a big smile at that.

"Sweet." She says and stands on her toes and gives Sam a kiss on the cheek. Sam closes his eyes at that. The feeling of Dean's brush of lips passing through his mind, giving him more feelings than this one. Dammit. After chatting up with Jess for a little bit, he starts walking towards his house. Its a twenty minute walk from the campus which Sam doesn't mind. Sometimes when he is getting late, he catches a bus but most of the time he walks. He doesn't have any shift at work today and there are a few hours left before he has to leave for the restaurant they are meeting at. He will maybe get done some study, or take a nap. After he has reached home and freshened himself up, he fixes himself a sandwich. Dean had told him that he should sometimes cook for himself as well. A growing boy like him needs healthy food in the system and Sam had snorted at that. But nevertheless, he listened to him and makes an effort to cook for himself when he has the time.

He opens his book to study at the same time checking on his phone. No message. He sighs again. Dammit. He hopes Dean is okay. He looks at his book again and knows that he won't be able to get any word in. He opts for the nap.

Sam's Friends

Sam's friend are at the restaurant they had decided to meet up at. Not all of them are there yet. Jess, Anna are already here along with Mark and Peter. Hayden and Sam haven't arrived yet.

"Sam is coming? Right?" Anna asks twirling a strand of her hair.

"Yeah he is coming." Jess replies with a smile. Mark and Peter are talking among themselves so Anna grabs the chance and asks Jess in a whisper "Has Sam asked you to move in with him yet?" Jess' smile falls off her face and she shakes her head slightly. Anna makes a sympathetic face at that.

"Don't you think its about time...?" Anna whispers again and Jess shrugs at that. Doesn't reply. What could she possibly say to that. She doesn't understand Sam most of the times and doesn't know how his brain works. She will give it some time and then if Sam doesn't initiate, would take the matters in her own hand. Jess is shaken out of her thoughts when she hears voices nearing their table. Sam and Hayden have come together, Hayden laughing at something Sam is saying and it looks like Sam is trying to control his laugh as well while telling whatever he is telling. Sam looks so handsome. He is wearing a full sleeved light blue button down shirt with dark jeans. And for once, his clothes don't look like two sizes big on him. They fit him perfectly, accentuating his muscles. She sighs. How much she longs for him but Sam doesn't reciprocate the physical intimacy she tries to initiate. Everytime when things start getting heated and serious between them, Sam pulls away with one excuse or another. Just like he does with everything that is related to them. Everyone is wishing Hayden a happy birthday and she forces a smile and joins in the chorus.

After some conversation between them, Anna brings a cake for Hayden to cut at which Hayden says laughing "Do I look like a six year old to you guys.." And starts cutting the cake. The group once again starts singing happy birthday and some other patrons of the restaurant join too. Gifts are passed onto Hayden and after that they settle down for the dinner. After dinner, Peter and Mark leave early and the core members of the group are left.

"I really can't believe that Dawson turned down the head cheerleader Sarah. Everyone wants to have a piece of her and he just turned her down?!"

"Seriously, don't you guys have better things to talk about." Hayden asks the girls mockingly and Sam snorts. Both girls glare at the boys.

"You guys talk about sports all the time.. At least gossiping is fun..." Anna says while sipping on her beer bottle.

"Sports is a real thing. Just ask Sam.." Hayden turns to look at Sam who was looking like his mind isn't here. Sam starts at his name.

"Umm.. Whatever interests you I think?" Sam replies unsurely and Anna whoops on the opposite chair saying "See? Sam is always logical among us."

"If he IS among us.." Jess says in a bitter tone and Hayden and Anna turn to look at her sharply silently saying her to shut up. Sam on his part seems oblivious. They change the subject and the conversation carries easily between them. Sam of course, not a very talkative person among them, gives his two cents when asked to. They are laughing at the group two tables over them when Sam's phone rings and Sam doesn't waste a second taking it out. Hayden doesn't miss the big smile that graces Sam's face when he sees the caller I'd and excuses himself from the table to go outside. Jess is looking at his retreating form.

"Huh... He didn't use to have his phone before... Now it seems he is glued to his phone.." Anna comments.

"Yeah.." Jess mutters. Having more than a fair idea who must be on the phone.

"What was back there, Jess?" Hayden asks Jess in a serious tone. All traces of their previous laugh gone.

"What?" Jess snaps, knowing full well what Hayden is asking about.

"You know what. Even though Sam didn't catch your tone, but it was rude." Hayden replies.

"It was just the truth." Jess seems defiant.

"You could have said it in another way. And besides, Sam has always been a reserved person." Hayden says to a pissed off looking Jess.

"Except when he is with Dean..huh." Anna gives her two cents in an equally bitter tone.

"You are not helping here..." He says to Anna.

"Not trying to." Anna replies and Hayden rolls his eyes.

"Come on you people.." Hayden tries to dissipate the tension that has been created with the topic they don't try to touch. And the reasons are all here.

"Dean doesn't even stay here, and besides, Sam can decide whatever he wants to do with whoever he wants. He doesn't owe us anything." Hayden tries to reason them.

"In the short time Dean has come here, Sam has spent more time with him then he has in all this time with us, with ME. I am his girl friend, Hayden." This is the part that Hayden wouldn't have liked to mention, but it should be said now.

"We all know you were the one who asked out Sam first, knowing full well how he wasn't interested in you like that.." Hayden says looking at Jess. They all knew about this. It was the truth. Sam had never shown any special interest in Jess more than anyone. Jess doesn't say anything at that. Her mouth a tight line.

"I don't know if you guys have noticed, but Sam is always more happy when he is around Dean. Sam goes out of his usual ways for Dean which we would have thought Sam was incapable to do if we hadn't seen him doing for Dean." Anna again chips up making the atmosphere more tense.

"I mean... Do you think there is something between ..." Anna trails off but she didn't really need to complete the sentence. Jess' eyes widen at that, Hayden on the other hand looks non pulsed. Hayden won't be surprised if there was something going on between Sam and Dean. He has seen how they are always aware of each other when they are with other people, or how one talks about the other. He would actually want them to be together. He doesn't understand why Jess is holding onto Sam when there is clearly no future for them. Its not Sam's fault. Jess has always been the one to throw herself on Sam when Sam clearly wasn't interested, but didn't say anything out of politeness. He thinks that Sam should take that step since Jess is being stubborn about it. Jess is about to say something on what Anna said when Sam walks in with the same big smile on his face. The biggest smile Hayden had seen on his face the whole evening.

"I thought you had left Sam, you had been gone too long..." Anna says with a fake smile and a light tone, but everyone on the table other than Sam knows what it means.

"Uhh yeah... Was on the phone.. Sorry.." Sam replies with a sheepish expression looking down, putting his phone in his jeans pocket.

"From home?" Anna inquires, having more than a better idea who it was actually, but trying to play coy. Sam shakes his head in negative.

"Uhh..no..it was umm Dean.." Sam replies hesitantly like he really doesn't want to tell them and Hayden doesn't miss the expression of pure disdain that passes through Jess' face at that and Anna looks knowingly in his direction. Hayden sighs internally. He just wishes the best for his friends.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

"No man, you are just plain lying to me now." Sam says on the phone, laughing. He is propped against his head board on the bed with his laptop open on his lap. He was doing his assignment when Dean called ten minutes before, telling a ridiculous story of how he is researching a case in Minnesota and people think that it is an alien, abducting people.

"There are no such things as aliens dude." Sam rasps in bout of laughters.

"No man, I am really not kidding. All the statements from people, I am thinking that it may be just that." Sam can hear Dean smiling from this corner. Damn. He misses Dean a lot. He is about to make another joke about how this is just ridiculous but what comes out is "I miss you" in a really small voice. Sam can practically feel Dean going still at the other end of the phone. Shit. Sam doesn't know where his brain to mouth filter went away. But it has been more or less on a permanent vacation when it comes to interacting with Dean. With Dean, its like he doesn't have to care what comes out of his mouth. Dean doesn't judge him like other people do. Doesn't accuse him of being selfish by choosing something for himself.

"Yeah..I miss you too..its been long ehh.." Dean says trying to be nonchalant but Sam doesn't miss the beat where his voice broke, or the emotion packed behind those words. How Sam got lucky in having someone like Dean in his life, he has no idea.

"Yeah.." Sam says, putting his laptop aside and lies full on his side now, with phone glued to his ear which is feeling hot now.

"I miss your food, so come fast so you can feed me.. I am a growing boy after all, I need my food." Sam repeats what Dean had said to him last time and Dean snorts on the other side.

"Yeah..I hear you, growing boy.. But if you grow some more man, I think we would have to find another planet for you to fit in." Dean says with a chuckle and Sam barely stifles his laugh. Sam wants to see Dean so bad its physically paining him. Its been more than a month now. Sure they have talked and all. But its not enough. Sam wants to see Dean, wants to be able to free himself in his presence, wants to feel him. Sam's feelings for Dean are just intensiying with every passing moment. He can't deny the feeling which overwhelms him when he thinks about Dean. About how Dean's eyes crinkles when he laughs. He can tell just by looking at Dean when he is angry because his jaw tightens just that way. Or the freckles which Dean likes complaining about, which Sam secretly finds absolutely adorable but doesn't say to Dean, knowing he would just get smacked on the head. Sam really misses him.

"You will just have to come with me there as well then.." Sam says, turning on his back and staring straight up the cieling. Thinking how would it be like to go somewhere where he can keep Dean all to himself, where he is safe.

"You are not going to leave me alone there now, are you..?" Sam says, still somewhere else in his mind with Dean.

"Don't worry..I am not going to leave my princess alone." Dean chuckles.

"Good for you.. I am not a regular princess.. I am going to haunt you if you don't come.." Sam grins. They talk about this for another few minutes when Dean says,

"Remember Sam I told you about those demons in Ohio?" Dean asks in a serious tone.

"Yeah I remember.." Dean had told him about the demons he was hunting with Bobby in Ohio awhile back. One of them had escaped as well. Demons give Sam chills. Those are evil creatures and more powerful than any other. That was a time from hell for Sam when Dean was with Bobby hunting demons and all Sam could do was wait for anything from Dean. He doesn't like to think about that. Dean also got hurt in the hunt. Which makes it all the worse for Sam.

"Bobby called earlier.. Said he may find whereabouts of it soon.." Sam's chest tightens at that.

"Oh yeah.." Sam tries to say it in a normal voice. Doesn't want Dean to know how he wishes that they didn't hear from the demon front anything so that Dean wouldn't have to go for it. If it makes him a bad person for wanting Dean to be safe above all other peoples, well then, he really doesn't want to be the rightous one.

"So you... Uhh.. Would go to Bobby's after this case?" Sam tries to say it casually, and he succeeds, judging by how Dean hasn't called him out on it. But again, what could Dean do, or even Sam, if he is called out on it. There is shit either can do about it. So there are more chances that Dean would rather ignore it then delve into it.

"I don't know yet.. When Bobby confirms the location, I would just go there.." Dean says and Sam can feel Dean shrugging with non chalance at the other end like Dean isn't talking about a dangerous gig here. Then Dean's words hit Sam and his mind races "hold on.. You sayin' you would go by yourself?" Sam asks, implication clear in his voice.

"Uhh... Yea... there is only one demon left from that clan Sam. I can handle one demon by myself." Dean says but Sam is listening none of it. Dean has to see logic here.

"I know you can.. but its a demon Dean. A backup wouldn't hurt you. You need someone to look out for you. You don't even know how powerful that demon is. Certainly is more than the others since it escaped last time.." Sam says sitting up. His posture is now a straight tense line.

"You are worrying for no reason man. Come on, you are thinking too much on it." Dean says, sounding somewhat irritated now and Sam couldn't really give a damn now what Dean is feeling in the face of this.

"I didn't even have to think Dean. What you are saying is just ridiculous. You have just gone out of your mind.." Sam says, not hiding the fact that he is not liking Dean's stubbornness over this matter.

"You know what Sam? I should have never brought it up with you in the first place." Dean says, angry. "Just forget I even said ?"

"It doesn't change the fact that you are acting childish Dean. Like I said, no one is going to think any less of your ability if you ask for back up. But I guess your ego is bigger than you even if it can cost you your life." Sam spits out.

"Oh yeah? Why don't you find someone else who doesn't have ego. Because I do things my way. And if you can't accept it.. well too bad." Dean replies in an equal angry tone and hangs up.

Sam is immobile for a few seconds, just listening to the loud silence on the phone. He looks at his phone, having a sudden urge to smash it on the wall, instead, he fists his hand and knocks it hard on the laptop which was on the side, thankfully the lid closed. His knuckles turn into angry red, and he might have also broken skin, but he doesn't feel it. The only thing he feels is the red hot anger pumping through his viens like blood. His body is so tight he feels it might break if he tries to twist it. He is so angry at Dean he would have punched him if he was here. What the hell does Dean think of himself. Why couldn't he just listen to Sam for once. Its not like he told Dean not to do it. He just asked him to be reasonable about it. God he is so angry. He abrubtly stands up before he does more damage, probably to himself, and stalks off to the bathroom. He splashes his face with cold water and feels his anger draining out with the water in the sink. He slides down the wall of the bathroom, suddenly feeling boneless now that the anger is not keeping him tense. He pulls his knees to his chest and puts his head on the knees. All the anger is replaced by hurt and despair. His chest hurting so bad he feels his heart is going to shatter at any moment. He can't hold in the sob that escapes him, echoing around in the bathroom. He feels hot tears sliding his face and doesn't try to stop them. His whole body is trembling and he doesn't have the capacity of mind to think what just went wrong here. He can't think of anything above the rushing of blood in his ears. If he thinks, he might completely lose it. His body is shaking with the quiet sobs and his breath is hitching. He doesn't know what hurts more. Dean saying those things, or the fact that Dean might get hurt if he doesn't have anyone to back him up.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Dean throws his phone on the opposite wall and it crashes with a bang, pieces of the phone splintering around the room by the impact of the throw.

"Shit.." He shouts. He kicks his bed in frustration, in irritation and something really close to hurt. He can't really fathom what just happened now.

"God Dammit" he shouts again and this time punches his hand on the wall for not finding anything better. His hands hurt like a bitch and his knuckles are angry red. He doesn't care. He grabs his car keys and heads out off the motel room to get shit faced. He wants to forget what just happened. He doesn't even bother to pick the sim card from the phone he just blew. He drives to the nearest bar and proceeds to get drunk.

The next morning, Dean wakes up in his own bed, thankfully. His mouth tastes like fresh crap, oh yeah, his mind is really not okay thinking like this. Eww. He rubs at his eyes to shake off some sleep, and also to remember some of last night. His head is throbbing like it just got smacked by a hammer or something. And then it hits him like a freight train. Sam. Argument. Fight. Sam. Sam and just Sam. He remembers going to a bar to drink himself stupid, and hopefully, not remember anything for at least a friggin week. He almost achieved that. Operating word here being ALMOST. Because at some point in time, he remembers some girl giving her eyes, which of course he can't blame her for. He is a thing of awesomeness after all. After she sized him up all night, and Dean was all aware of it also. When the girl finally came and started getting physical with him, and Dean really wanted to return the attention, he really did. But all he could see in front of his eyes was Sam. Sam's smile and his ever changing eyes were dancing in front of him and he couldn't run away fast enough. Not even caring that how rude he had been. He had come back to the motel, drank some more with thoughts that didn't want to steer away from one person he desperately wanted to forget at that moment. Even alcohol was being against him. If he could, he would hunt that friggin thing for going against him when he needed it.

He sits up, looks around the room to find something. Anything that could convey that something big had happened last night, but there is nothing except for shattered pieces of his phone on the floor which aren't enough to describe the whirlwind of emotions that has been ricocheting through his mind since last night. Even his alcohol dazed brain couldn't quiet the voices in his head. He finally manages to get off the bed. Staggering to the bathroom and nearly falling on his butt in doing so. He takes a bath and changes his smoked smelled clothes. He thinks about coffee, but even the idea of coffee isn't making him feel any better. He extracts his sim card from the mess of his phone and pockets it. He would put it in another phone later. He is feeling numb. The exact opposite of what he was feeling till few minutes, or hour ago. Its a welcome change from that. He is feeling nothing except the hollowness somewhere deep in his chest. He makes a call from his other phone to Bobby to tell him that he should inform him about the demon's whereabouts as soon as he gets something. He then blasts his radio on full volume and doesn't listen to the song. Doesn't listen to anything. Just drives.

Three days have passed just driving aimlessly to nowhere. He didn't even find any hunt. Didn't stop at any motel. Just slept in his car when needed. He finally stops at the road house. Not because its reminding him of someone. No sir. He is just passing by. He looks at the entrance of the bar. Quiet due to the early hours of the day. He puts his head on the steering wheel and sighs. He hasn't allowed himself to think about anything the last few days. But what is he running from really? He thinks about the argument or fight, whatever. The words exchanged seared in his mind like they were just spoken few minutes ago. Dean has tried not to feel in the last few days that he doesn't know what he is feeling right now. There is something in his chest that tugs him. Always in the background. He can't quite put a finger on what he is feeling. He feels aimless, exhausted mentally, sure. But that can't be because of that. Can it be? No. It was just an argument, nothing more. They can just talk it out, except how it is not just an argument. If it was something like what happened in Sam's dorm a few months back, then Dean is sure they would be talking by now. But its not that. They argued about something which both have issues with. Or more accurately, Sam has issues with. Dean knows Sam doesn't like hunting. Hell he doesn't like the fact that Dean hunts. But Sam had never said a single thing about it to Dean. Until now. Sam knows what comes first for him, what is important. Why did he tell him not to do it this time. 'But he didn't stop you from doing it..' His mind supplies but Dean ignores it. If he listens to the rational part of his brain, he knows he would have to listen to Sam as well because logic and Sam go hand in hand. But not hunting. Sam knows that there is no any logic in the things they do, so why Sam is hell bent on it, Dean has no idea. Dean has explained to Sam a hundred times before. He is not going to do it again. He looks at the entrance of the road house and starts the car and drives away. He is suddenly angry, and he doesn't want to lay his anger on unsuspecting peoples. He stops at the first motel after the Road house and finally puts his sim card on another phone. Dad calls on this number. That's why. That's the only reason. He doesn't miss any text messages or calls from someone whose eyes are a myriad of colours, or whose dimpled smile can light the world. He doesn't think about how he is only thinking about that someone. He resolutely ignores the tug and ache in his chest or his eyes which are burning for no reason, or his throat closing whenever he hears an echo of laughter in his mind which he wants to see. He doesn't pay heed to any of it.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"Will you already stop with your brooding and moping?" Sam hears Hayden from the opposite seat on the table. They are in the library. Sam lifts his head up from the book he had been staring at, unfocused.

"What are you talking about? I am reading here.." Sam says, looking down again.

"Do you even know what subject you even have there?" Hayden says, pointing at the said book in front of Sam. Sam looks up at that. Hayden is looking at him knowingly with raised eyebrows and Sam averts his eyes.

"Sam.. " He says with a sigh "I know you aren't that sharing crap kind of person.. But whatever it is, you need to sort it out.." Hayden says, concern evident in his voice and Sam feels a little bit guilty.

"Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? No offence but you look like shit..". Sam doesn't know what Hayden is saying. Or maybe Hayden is just seeing things, because his other friends have not mentioned anything. Not that there is anything to say, Hayden is just being paranoid. He sighs. Doesn't say anything. Just shakes his head. He picks up his books and puts them in his bag.

"You leaving already?" Hayden asks.

"Yeah. I have shift at the store." Sam replies, hanging the bag on the shoulder. He was supposed to stay for another hour or so, but he just can't. Too many thoughts swirling in his mind. And they are ten fold times now in the quietness of the library. Not that he would find some place where there is too much noise, but it would still be better than this place where he has to listen to the voices in his head.

"I thought you were off till after exams?" Hayden asks skeptically with raised eyebrows and Sam has a suspicion that he doesn't completely believe him.

"Yeah.. I had. But they called me, asked me to cover for a shift because one of the employee is sick or something like that." Sam lies, shrugging.

"Yeah..okay then, see you." Hayden says and Sam nods his head and practically runs out of the place. He didn't lie about having a shift at the store. But the rest he did. And his shift isn't for another two hours. He had taken off for work, but he really needed something to take his mind off of things he desperately didn't want to think about, so he had picked up some of the shifts again. Thank God the boss is flexible in timings. He makes his way out of the building of the college. People are milling here and there. He sees people smiling, talking to each other. Enjoying the moment, the life, and he feels a deep ache in his chest. He quickly strides out of there and starts walking towards his apartment.

He lies on his bed afterwards, looking at nothing. He had thought he would grab a quick shower and then leave for the store early. The normal bustling of people would keep him distracted enough, but at the end, he couldn't quiet gather the energy. He shuts his eyes tightly. Its been more than a week since that call with Dean. Sam hasn't heard from Dean in more than a week, when Dean was planning to go on the hunt. After that night, when Sam had cried himself to sleep, he had tried to call Dean the next day but his phone was switched off. Dean never keeps his phone off. Sure, Sam was hurt and angry at Dean. He doesn't think that these feelings were going to go away any time soon, or even late, really. But Dean is more important for him than his own feelings. He had swallowed his pride, his emotions, his feelings and had dialled Dean's number because he still couldn't fathom the idea of Dean going alone to hunt that demon. If Sam knew that he would be of any help, he would have just asked Dean to take him. But he knows he would just be a distraction and liability for Dean. Sam had tried calling Dean again and again, but it was constantly saying out of reach, and after each call, Sam's already tightened chest started sinking. That was four days ago. Sam hasn't tried his number again. He is scared shitless. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what he will get. He doesn't know that if Dean doesn't want to talk to him, or if he really is hurt. At this point, Sam would prefer the first option. God he can't handle if something happens to Dean. He just can't. It was already hard for him after that disastrous phone call, now this, on top of that? Sam doesn't even know how he is functioning anymore. He didn't go to his class for the next two days after that night. It was like everything in him was numb, or maybe it was too much feelings, Sam doesn't know. His friends had visited, and it was for the first time they had seen his house, Sam had pretended to be sleepy so they had left him alone. He couldn't handle them. He just wanted Dean. He still just wants Dean. He just wants to hear his voice and know that he is okay. God. What has he dug himself into? He has gone so deep that he doesn't know how to get out. It was not supposed to happen like this. Sam should have been careful. Should have stayed on the surface. What is he going to do now? His life is reduced to Dean. It was never supposed to happen like that. Dean was supposed to be a friend. Sam wasn't supposed to feel like this. Like his world is crumbling down. Like Dean is everything. Sam chokes on a sob. He knew Dean was important to him before, but its like the magnitude of that realisation has just hit him. And he is going down with it. All the time spent with Dean where Sam thought he couldn't be more happy. All the easy laughters and smiles that used to come in Dean's presence. Why the hell didn't he realise it at that time that his feelings are far more deeper and intense than he originally thought. God, Sam loves Dean. Loves him so damn much he doesn't know what to do about it. Can't even do anything about it. Dean, who just wormed into his life like he was always there. Dean, who is not like any other person Sam has met. Dean, with all his flaws and imperfections is perfect in Sam's eyes. Now that Sam has realised it, or accepted it, he thinks, that it happened a long time ago without his knowledge. Or maybe his heart knew but his mind was late to catch up or in denial. He doesn't know. Sam went against his own rules to pursue Dean. He should have known at that time. The realisation has come with a constant ache in his chest which he hasn't been able to suppress. He would have felt better than what he is feeling now if he had taken bullets to his head. All his life, Sam has been running from this, and it has come back to him with a vengeance. He can't do this to himself. Sam half sits up, picks up the photo from his side table and sees Dean looking back at him smiling with his eyes. Sam shuts his eyes tightly and puts the photo back. No. He isn't going to do this to himself. And Dean doesn't even want to talk to him anymore. So everything would be alright, given some time. He would learn to live without Dean. Its not like it would hurt anyone but himself. Dean probably would be happy about it too. No one would be badgering him about anything. Sam just needs to survive this.

Sam ends up calling off work. They are going to fire him, he thinks. And it would have been good if Sam cared about it, but he really doesn't. He has been lying on the bed for maybe three hours or so. He doesn't remember when he ate last time. Maybe the day before at the college cafeteria. He goes to the bathroom and splashes his face with cold water. He doesn't recognise the person looking back at him with red rimmed eyes. Dark circles and looking too old to be him. He resists the urge to wipe the mirror in the hopes that the image would change. He laughs humourlessly at that. He is also getting out of his mind. He trudges his way outside the room and stops in front of Dean's room. Or Dean's former room, since Dean wouldn't want to come here anymore. But his room is always going to be there, he thinks. And he also thinks that he shouldn't go inside Dean's room. It would probably hurt. But Sam clearly hates himself. One last time, he thinks. And knows its a lie. He opens the door slowly and enters. The room is the same since Dean left last time. There is Dean's jeans and a shirt on the lone chair which Sam had insisted to bring in. The clothes are there because Dean was saying about going to laundry and Sam had said to leave the clothes there, that he would launder it with his clothes. He sees the wall with the dresser, two more pictures added to the wall where he and Dean are together, just like the ones in his room. Then there is a deck of cards on one of the night stands. Dean had insisted that they do the opening of his bed with playing cards on it. Sam had laughed and made fun but had relented in the end. He wipes his face and comes out of the room quietly and shuts the door behind him. He should start studying probably. His exams are near. He thinks he is going to fail his exams this time. He hasn't slept properly in the last week. He has drank more than he does in a year. Dean would have been proud. The sleep he manages to get are filled with dreams of green eyes and beautiful smiles, morphing into unseeing eyes and blood. He doesn't want to sleep anymore. The times when his sleeps are dreamless, his mind not been able to conjure images, keeps him restless and he just ends up having no rest one way or another.

He trudges his way to the living room or lounge. Whatever it is. Everything in this place reminds him of Dean in one way or another. The pictures on the shelves which he knows he is not going to remove. The couch where he and Dean fell asleep on each other shoulders. It was one of the best naps he had taken despite the cricks in his neck. He closes his eyes against the memory. But can't ignore what he had felt after that. He should have known better. He was just in denial maybe. He wishes things like this would come with a neon sign so people can protect themselves. He shakes his head at his own thoughts. He should probably eat something. But just the thought of food is making him sick. Just when he is about to go back to his room, he hears knocking on his door and sighs. Maybe its Hayden checking up on him. He drags his feet towards the door. Maybe he should just go back and pretend he didn't hear the knock. He shakes his head at himself. But its tempting.

Its Jess on the other side of the door with a small bag on her shoulders and an apologetic smile on her face. He doesn't ask anything, just leaves the door way for her to enter.

"Sorry to come unannounced Sam, but I need your help." Jess says still smiling. Sam thinks how he could help her when he needs help himself and resists the urge to bang his head on the wall.

"Yeah sure.. What is it?" Sam's voice comes out all raspy like he hasn't spoken in a long time. He goes to the kitchen to gulp some water.

"Actually, can I crash here today? My room is not available today if you know what I mean.." She says with a sheepish grin, and Sam's brain takes a second to catch up.

"Oh.." He says, trying something like a smile but fails miserably so he quickly adds "Yeah..okay.. No...no problem.." If Sam was in his right mind, he would have thought why Jess didn't stay at her other girl friend's places like she has done before. He should take out the folding mattress for her and put it in the other room which is empty except of the book shelf, even though the couch is really comfortable. But it wouldn't be nice to let her sleep on the couch when he has a mattress.

"Why don't you show me the house first. I only saw your room the other day." Jess says, already making her way towards the corridor. Sam really isn't in the mood of all this. What he wants to do is curl up on his mind and sleep for a week, which he has been doing a lot lately, minus the sleep off course. He shows her the spare room, the bathroom and is about to skip Dean's room for reasons he doesn't know when Jess says "Come on, this room here is left, then we will go to the living room.." She says, dragging Sam by the elbow. She opens the door and enters. Sam can see her go still when she looks at the room, there is no hiding that its meant to be Dean's room. And he is not even hiding it anyway. Sam would have laughed at Jess' expression if he was not feeling like his centre of gravity was lost.

"Its...its Dean's room?" Jess asks with astonishment, looking around the room like something will come out and deny it being Dean's room.

"Yeah..it is his." Sam replies, all the previous attempt to act normal draining from his body. He doesn't want to deal with it, and about Dean, on top of that.

"But..but why Sam?" Jess says like Sam has done something terribly wrong, which he wasn't supposed to do.

"Can we.." Sam sighs.. "Can we talk about it tomorrow Jess?" He asks rubbing his face with his hands.

"But Dean doesn't stay here.." Jess says like she didn't hear Sam speak.

"Yeah, well. Tomorrow Jess..please?" He finally pleads. He doesn't want to say anything to her that would hurt her and he would regret. Jess nods, mouth in a tight line. Not hiding that this conversation isn't over and how much she isn't liking it.

"Let me take out the mattress for you.." Sam says, going into his room.

"Wait.. What do you mean by..." Suddenly there is a knock on his door, not even a knock. Its like someone raps it weakly. Once, twice and Sam goes to the door. He doesn't know why, but he suddenly feels his heart in his throat and his hands are shaking while going to the knob. His heart feels like its going to burst out of his chest. He opens the door, and the first thing that comes in his mind is that he is sleeping. There is Dean, his upper body covered with blood and eyes drooping shut. He is looking like he would fall any second and Sam can't think. There is rushing of blood in his ears and it seems like everything has come to a stand still. Then Dean staggers forward and collapses into Sam with a small "Sammy" muttered in a weak voice and Sam thinks that he really needs to wake up now.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Sam can't move, even with the added weight of Dean on him swaying him backwards, he can't. He feels like he is back in his nightmare. It has not really registered to Sam what has just happened. The only sound he can hear is the rush of blood in his ears. He feels sounds of step, but still they don't register in his senses. Feeling surreal. He feels wetness on his arms, on his shirt, but he is just waiting for the damn nightmare to be over already, he knows he is going to wake up any second. He looks down, Dean is going to dissapear any second now and Sam would be left in his own agony.

"Oh God..." He hears someone say from behind..."Oh my God..." He thinks he recognises the voice but he can't place a name to it. Normally, there is no one else in his dreams. Strange. Then he hears a moan very near, someone in real pain. He looks down, the sound is coming from Dean whose head is lolling on Sam's chest and Sam has his hands around Dean. He hadn't realised he was holding Dean. He again hears a whimper and like someone is grabbing on his chest, or more like trying to. He also hears Jess voice, he recognises it now "Oh God.." She says, like she is in shock or something, Sam doesn't know why.."We need to call 911..Sam Oh God.." Jess is still saying, and he can hear her doing something behind him. Its only when he feels the weight in his arms slipping from his hands and a very painful cry of pain from Dean, he realises that its not a dream. This doesn't happen in his dreams. His eyes widen in bewilderment and he barely stops Dean from slipping down.

"Oh God..." He whispers then just like a light bulb has gone off in his head, he comes into action. This is real. This is really real. And Dean is hurt. Oh God. He quickly shoves the last thought away. He half carries and half drags Dean onto the couch who is now slipping into unconsciousness.

"Jess, bring all the first aid kits you can find around and hot water. Fast." Sam says while tearing on Dean's jacket and shirt which is just a mess of blood and gore. He has propped Dean up in a half sitting position so he can see where else Dean is hurt. He is not thinking about anything else while checking for wounds. If he does, he would lose it and Dean needs him now, he can't afford anything less.

"What? Sam we need to call the ambulance..he is bleeding like crazy.." Jess says in somewhat a hysteric tone and Sam looks up at her sharply.

"Just do what I said Jess, NOW !" He emphasis the last word with such hardness that Jessica is startled for a moment, but does as she is told. Dean's back isn't hurt and his lower body also seems to be relatively fine, so he lays Dean, who is as good as unconscious, on the couch on his back. Sam's heart almost stops at the sight of Dean's front where Sam just about tore his shirt to fully see the front. Sam can see the deep, very deep cut on Dean's chest which is barely missing his heart and Sam... He tries to breath, but its like he can't get enough air in his lungs. The only thing repeating in Sam's mind is if what the cut was on Dean's heart..Dean would have.. Dean would have... He is shaken out of his panic with Jess voice.."Let me do this Sam.." And Sam turns his head to look at her, shaking her head.

"Sam..I am doing medical. I can treat him some until we take him to the clinic and..." Jess is saying but Sam has tuned her out. He only has one thing in mind, to patch up Dean without making it worst for him. He is not going to give Dean to anybody. He shuts out all voices and sounds from his back ground and only focuses on the one which is saying that Dean is going to be alright and Sam would make sure of it.

After cleaning and patching up Dean's wound, between which Dean had woken up in pain and Sam had tried his best to reduce that. Sam had to stitch the cut on Dean's chest which had trailed till his abdomen. Then there were other little cuts and bruises on his sides. Dean's elbow had a pretty bad cut too which needed stitching as well. His face is bruised up too. But not that bad. Dean had lost a lot of blood and Sam could just see how pale Dean was. Now, Dean is still on the couch, going and coming out of consciousness and Sam is sitting on his side. His face hard, stoic with an unreadable expression. He is just looking at Dean, not seeing anything beside Dean.

"I didn't know you could do this.." Jess says, putting his hand on Sam's elbow. Sam lifts his head from where he is sitting on the couch to look up at Jess. He should tell her to go to sleep now, its late. It had taken atleast two hours to patch up Dean and Jess had helped with whatever he had needed. He is really grateful for that.

"You should.." He croaks out, his voice coming out like he hasn't used it in a while "You should...go and rest.." He finally croaks out and Jess shakes her head.

"Its okay.. But I think you should take some rest, you look beat." Jess says with concern in her voice and Dean makes a little sound and whatever Sam was about to say to Jess is left. He sees Dean trying to open his eyes. He has switched off the lights, only the low power bulb is open which is just enough to make out things. Dean makes another sound with half opened eyes. And Sam sits on his knees beside Dean's head, bringing a glass of water with him which he had put just in case. He puts his one hand on Dean's head and strokes his matted hair very slowly and murmurs nonsensical things. Dean makes a choked sound again and Sam lifts Dean's head just a little and puts the glass of water on his lips. Dean drinks a little in small sips and tries to sit up, and stifles a cry of pain while doing that.

"Take it easy.." Sam says softly trying to make Dean lay back. Dean stops in his movements and lies back. Sam can see Dean's face scrunched up in pain and his eyes closed tightly. He takes out some pain killers and gives them to Dean who takes them without any protest. Few minutes pass till Dean's breathing evens to normal compared to the previous ragged painful breaths.

"We should take him to bed.." Jess says from somewhere behind him and Sam had almost forgotten that she was here and by looking at Dean, who is snapping his eyes in the direction of the voice, he didn't know as well. Sam nods and then they take Dean to the room, to Sam's room, with Dean grunting in pain but not wanting to be supported to walk. But Sam keeps his hand on Dean's back whether Dean like it or not. He carefully places Dean on his bed and covers him with his comforter. He doesn't notice the odd looks Jess is giving him, too busy to make sure everything is fine for Dean. Once Dean is settled and it looks somehow that the pain killers are doing their work because Dean is half asleep almost, he stands up from his bed where he was sitting on the edge beside Dean's stomach. He is turning to go when he hears a soft "Sammy" and turns to look at Dean. Dean is looking at him with half lidded eyes, and Sam suddenly can't stay here any longer.

"M' sorry.." Dean says, his eyes slipping shut and Sam bolts from there. He sees Jessica in Dean's bed and resists the urge to tell her to get out of Dean's room. He doesn't though. He goes back in the living room. His mind is blank, not feeling anything. He sees the couch matted with blood and bandages strewn here and there. He cleans the couch and rest of the area on auto pilot. And then stands in the middle of the room, looking around, his face expressionless. He sees Dean's jacket on the arm of the couch, with blood all over and something snaps in him. Dean's face suddenly clouds his vision. His face battered with bruises, his upper body looking like it was bleeding inside out and Sam can't.. He just can't. He falls down to his knees on the spot with a thud, boneless. All his fears had come to life in that moment.. And Dean... Dean nearly died. If Dean had gotten hurt a little to the left, he would have..he would have.. Sam closes his eyes desperately in an attempt to keep away the images and thoughts which are now coming front and centre in his mind when he doesn't have anything to see to now. Dean almost died and Sam.. Sam doesn't know what. He pulls his knees to his chest and puts his head on them. The tears have started coming and Sam doesn't have anything left in him to stop them. He sobs, sounds muffled by his knees. Can't stop himself from the sounds that escape his throat. He feels raw. Everything he had feared, came crashing down on him today and its no ones fault except his own. He cries and cries till there are no tears left in him, and then cries some more. He can't keep doing this. Its going to eat him from inside. God, he has to stop this, he has to stop this from happening otherwise he would destroy himself.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Goddammit Sam!" Dean shouts looking at his cell phone, wanting to throw it again on the wall. He types out a text full of not so good words and hits send. Its not the first message like this and its not going to be the last if Sam keeps up whatever he is doing. Its been two weeks since Dean left Sam's place after staying for a week at his house. And Sam hasn't received Dean's call or replied to any text messages since then. Dean had thought maybe Sam is busy in his exams, but that's not an excuse of not responding, even a text message when its been two weeks. And Sam is not hurt or anything. Dean had made sure of it. It was the first thought that had come in Dean's mind when Sam hadn't replied anything straight for two days that he was hurt or something. But thankfully he had Hayden's number, he doesn't know how, he just remembers Hayden telling him about his uncle who deals in repairs of classic car and that was enough for Dean to get bonded and he somehow ended getting his number. So he had called Hayden. He of course didn't ask directly about Sam, but came to know that he was alright. So Dean has no idea why Sam suddenly doesn't want to talk to him. He thinks back to his week long stay, maybe he can find something. But again, Dean isn't observant.

The first thing he saw when he came into the living in Sam's house was Sam. Sitting on a chair beside the bed and he was holding Dean's hand, and Dean had thought that Sam didn't even know that he was doing that. Sam was slumped onto the chair, his shoulders folded inwards making him look small. His lashes were resting against his those high cheek bones and he was looking beautiful, despite all the tiredness and lines of worry he could see on his face, Sam had looked beautiful and Dean has stopped asking himself why he notices these things about Sam. He maybe knows why, but he isn't going to think about that. Not yet anyway. Dean had looked around trying to gauge the time. Sunlight was coming through the draped curtains so it was already past morning. Figures he slept long after the horrible last day and all those pain medications Sam gave him. Was Sam there all night by his side? The thought had warmed and ached Dean at the same time and seriously, Dean doesn't know how he can feel opposite feelings at the same time. He had tried to sit up but the pain in his chest had him making out a sound and the next thing he felt was big strong hands laying him back on the bed.

"Hey..hey.. Easy easy.." Sam had said in a soothing voice and Dean had gone back to his previous position, wishing the pain to subside. Long thin fingers were stroking his short hair and Dean had felt better just by the feel of it. He had opened his eyes after a few seconds, worried blue green eyes or hazel maybe, were looking at him with concern and worry and Dean had given a small smile just seeing Sam, despite the pain. He couldn't not. The sight of Sam was like a balm to his already tarnished and damaged soul and body. He had not even remembered how long he and Sam hadn't talked, just seeing him there was feeling like coming home and Dean didn't even have the mind to think about this specific metaphor. Sam had given him pain killers immediately after that followed by breakfast. Sam hadn't asked or said anything apart from how Dean was feeling. Dean hadn't said anything about the hunt either at first. He had just let Sam do whatever he was doing, waiting for the inevitable, a told you so or you should have listened to me but nothing came. Not even when Dean told Sam about his epic failure of a hunt and how that demon escaped once again. Dean had said that he should have listened to Sam, but Sam? He didn't say a word about that. Dean expected Sam to shout at him, be angry, something, just anything. But Sam was completely quiet about that particular topic. Dean should have found it odd at that time but he was so hopped up on drugs and pain killers that he didn't notice that something was off about Sam. Sam didn't leave any stone unturned in taking care of Dean. But didn't question on any of Dean's rambling and apologising. Dean didn't have the nerve to ask how it was the week they didn't talk. He was too embarrassed for that. He had realised how wrong he was and he had no right to say what he said to Sam when the only thing Sam was doing was thinking about Dean's safety. Dean is an idiot of epic proportions. He still is, because he hadn't apologised for that. When smarts were being given, he must be out getting looks because that's what he has in abundance. But looks without brains isn't an attractive combination like how Sam is.

He is so much angry. At Sam for pulling this stunt on him without giving him a heads up, at himself for not picking up Sam's unusual attitude earlier. And most of all, he is out of his mind because he misses Sam. Misses the stupid eye rolls and brighter than sun smiles. And exasperated huffs when Dean says something stupid and acts like an idiot. He just misses him. Misses talking to him and his stupid stupid voice. Those eyes which were dull this time around. Dean is pathetic. Nothing less to that. But he doesn't care, he misses Sam. That week was already from hell when they weren't talking, or more accurate, when Dean was being over dramatic. The first thought that had come in Dean's mind after getting hurt was that Sam is going to kill me if I am not dead before reaching him and he drove towards him without thinking anything further and when he had reached Sam, he had completely given out, knowing that Sam would take good care of him.

Here he is now, trying to think the causes of why Sam wouldn't want to talk to him. It is cutting on his heart, thinking about it. Before meeting Sam, he wouldn't have cared whether someone talks to him or not. He could care less. But now, he can't imagine a life where he has nothing to do with Sam. He can't. Just the mere thought of it tugs at his heart unpleasantly. He doesn't care if it makes him a weeping sobbing girl or anything. He is going to pay Sam a visit again whether he likes it or not. He tries Sam's phone once again but it goes unanswered. At least Sam didn't switch off his phone. Dean knows he should back off, since all the things point to Sam not wanting Dean anymore. But he won't believe it till he hears it from Sam. He is just yet not ready to give up the best thing in his life. He dials Hayden number on an impulse. Hayden receives on the third ring.

"Hey Dean.. Wassup..?" Hayden asks in his usual not so over the top tone.

"Hey Hayden. I want to ask something." Dean doesn't have the patience to beat around the bush.

"Yeah.. Go on.." Hayden's tone has changed to serious in an instant like sensing Dean's distress. This is what Dean likes about Hayden. He knows what situation asks him of.

"Can you please ask Sam to see his phone?" Dean asks in a pretended exasperated tone as to not give away how desperate he really is.

"Sam is not in California. He left the day before yesterday." Hayden says and Dean wants to smash his phone again. Here Dean was, thinking he would go confront Sam in California, and Sam has left from there. Dean doesn't even remember when was the last time that Sam went to Road house. Figures he would go now when Dean needed him in California. He will just have to go to the Road House then. He isn't letting Sam off the hook that easy. He maybe is being selfish, but he needs Sam in his life, as long as Sam wants him, that is.

He thanks Hayden and starts getting ready to leave.

He reaches the Road House next day and he is going to kill Sam when he sees him. Dean has never gone to such extents for anyone in his whole friggin life and Sam... Sam is .. whatever he is. He parks the car in his usual spot on the far end of the bar where it can't be seen properly. The sun is just beginning to set and Dean feels just like that. Wanting to just fade. He is tired. He has been driving for straight ten hours and the only thing he wants to do right now is sleep for a day, but not before kicking some butt, the butt here being Sam. There are few trucks and cars outside the bar. Dean must admit, Ellen does an awesome job of running the bar, essentially of hunters, by herself.

The door of the bar opens with a swishing sound and Dean can already smell the alcohol and smoke in the dimly lit bar. Some music he doesn't recognise is playing and Dean can clearly see Jo from here handing out the drinks to the scattered patrons on the tables and Ellen behind the bar working her magic with the drinks and probably also hiding shotgun somewhere there under. He makes his way straight to the bar counter and feels a tinge of guilt when he sees Ellen face light up with a big genuine smile. Its been really long since he last visited here. Doesn't even remember when. He knows that some of the reason behind it is what goes on here with Sam, and the other obvious reason is he spends his free time with Sam now.

"You come here by mistake or something, young man?" Ellen asks in a sarcastic, yet jovial tone and Dean can't help but smile at this.

"Uhh what can I say... Bobby started making better drinks than you.." Dean says with a wink just as Ellen hands him a bottle of beer. He looks around the bar taking a sip of beer, hoping to see someone with a mop of dark chestnut hair. Its taking a will power of enormous proportion on Dean's side not to just straight up ask for Sam or maybe just burst into the living area.

"Jo is there, at the corner" Ellen says and Dean turns to look at her in question.

"Huh?" He makes a questioning sound.

"You were looking for Jo. Right? She is there." She says while pointing in the general direction of where Jo is and Dean looks down at that. He doesn't want to see Jo. He just wants to see Sam.

"Ellen. You mind if I go inside a little..uhh just want to..." Dean trails off, at a loss of words. Doesn't know what to say. Saying 'I have been missing your son and want to kick some sense in him, and yeah, I don't want to see your daughter' is not going to bode well here, he thinks.

"Yeah..yeah go on.." She says and Dean starts making his way towards the door leading to the house. He doesn't notice Ellen wiping her hands, seeming to follow him.

The door is slightly ajar and he enters the house without any preamble with the intention to directly barge into Sam's room. He stops in his tracks though, when he sees Sam sitting on the couch in the living room. His side to Dean. God. Dean wants to go and hold him and never let go and knock into him that he isn't allowed to make Dean feel like this. Sam is sitting with his head laid back on the couch and he probably has his eyes closed, Dean can't tell from the side. His shoulders look slumped and he can see Sam's cell phone lying on the small table beside the couch and the anger rises in him again. He walks to where Sam is and can clearly see Sam's eyes widening once he sees Dean. But Dean doesn't give him any other chance to react. He hauls Sam up by gripping his shirt and once Sam is standing, hooks a punch on his jaw.

"Oww". Sam cries in pain rubbing his jaw and he also sees Ellen eyes widen. He doesn't know when she came but well, he just wishes she isn't going to run him out by a shotgun. He doesn't care though. He looks at Sam and grabs him by the shoulders again and hauls him into a hug.

"You are a jerk Sam, you know that..." He mutters, he doesn't know why his throat is suddenly feeling too tight and his eyes burning. All the previous anger seeming to be drained out of his system just be seeing Sam. He feels Sam's hands coming around him and pressing his face in the nook of Dean's neck. He tightens his hold on Sam, forgetting they have an audience. "Dean.." Sam says in a whisper. He hears him sniffing and then Ellen says, "What the hell is going here?" Dean can feel the shock and anger in her voice. She doesn't even know that he and Sam know each other apart from that event which happened many months ago.. almost closing to a year now. He pulls from Sam and looks at him. Sam is looking back at him with watery eyes and like he is going to burst in tears any second. Dean can already see a shiner blooming on Sam's jaw and winces in pain internally.

"Decided to ditch me Sammy..?" He tries to say in a casual tone but Dean can feel the hurt lacing his voice and he closes his eyes against the sudden pain in his chest thinking what if Sam really wouldn't want anything to do with him. He has forgotten about Ellen yet again. Sam is looking down with his eyes tightly closed, almost painfully and Dean almost reaches out to make Sam look at him but instead says in a small voice, "Should have told me.. You don't want to see me again.. I wouldn't have.." Dean's voice breaks and he swallows. The bravado he was feeling before coming here is all gone, left with insecurities, hurt and pain. Sam looks up at that, his eyes red at the edges.

"No.. Dean.. God no..." Sam is saying,

"Would anyone tell me what the hell is going here? Care to tell me why I am watching a soap opera here with coupla teenage girls angsting and crying?" Ellen speaks up again, pissed. Sam and Dean look at each other and then at her. Dean doesn't know what to tell her.

"Nothing is going on here, mom.." Sam says.

"Sure, didn't look like nothing to me.." She says.

"I didn't know you guys even knew each other.." Her tone is accusing.

"Yeah well, its not like you know about the people I know.." Sam says this in a small voice and Dean doesn't miss the guilty expression passing on Ellen's face, but its gone quickly then it came. She clears her throat.

"Oh yeah.. So tell me now how many hunters you know, son. Last time I checked, you don't like hunters, nor hunting.." Ellen says and Dean suddenly doesn't feel the warmth from her that he felt when he first arrived.

Dean can see Sam's jaw tightening and his whole posture tensing.

"Dean is my friend." Sam says this looking at Dean in the eye and Dean feels like its the first time that Sam has said this out loud. When its obviously not. Dean always feels like this when Sam says it. It feels like an accomplishment or something that he managed to have a friend who isn't just a friend in need, but for all times. Sam has always introduced him as his friend to his friends, but it still warms Dean's heart hearing it.

"And when did that happen?" Ellen asks with the same angry voice and Dean has had enough of it.

"You know what? you guys can discuss how and the why later of this later." Dean says and then to Sam "Sam, I want to talk to you." Sam nods his head in affirmation and looks at Ellen who is starting to speak once again and says "Not now, mom" and walks towards his bedroom. Ellen than looks at Dean but Dean ignores her and follows Sam.

Once in the room, Dean closes the door behind them. Knowing it is just a show of privacy when he is sure that anyone who wants to hear what's going on can hear loud and clear from outside.

"Dean.." Sam says and Dean looks up at him. Sam's face is looking ashen.

"God...I am so sorry Dean..I am so sorry.." Sam says in a broken whisper.

"I..I just.." Sam trails off and walks towards him. Sam grabs him in a loose hug and puts his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean doesn't know what to do. So he just holds Sam back. He hears Sam sniffing again and cards his fingers in Sam's hair, stroking it in a soothing gesture.

"I am sorry..." Sam mumbles in his shoulders.

"I was so selfish Dean... But I.." Sniff.."I couldn't do it.." Sam lifts his head from Dean's shoulders and looks at him with teary eyes.

"What.. What couldn't you do Sam.." Dean asks, confused. Is he trying to say that he can't be friends with Dean anymore? That its too much for him? All kinds of thoughts are swirling in his mind and his heart is beating rapidly in his chest like its going to burst out any second. He suddenly doesn't want to hear it. He wouldn't be able to handle that.

"I.." Sam says and then Dean's phone starts ringing. Both of them startle at the sudden sound of the phone, which Dean didn't put on vibration in the hopes of Sam calling. Dean swears under his breath and takes out his phone from his jeans pocket.

"Dammit.." He says under his breath and picks up the phone, glancing apologetically at Sam.

"Hello, Dad."


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

"I am at the Road House, Sir." Dean replies into the phone, meanwhile looking at Sam who is turning from Dean now, shoulders sagging. Dean can see his eyes shining with tears and Dean doesn't want anything more than to wrap Sam in his arms and comfort him and ask him what is wrong.

'There is a hunt in Colorado.. Don't know what it is. I wa..' But Dean interrupts John, for the first time in his whole life.

"Uhh..Dad..I am sorry.. But I can't go.." Dean tries to be as confident as he can. Its not easy. He hasn't defied his father ever, and he doesn't have a valid reason to do it now, he really doesn't. But one look at Sam, and he knows he isn't going anywhere, can't go anywhere. Not before he sees Sam smiling that beautiful smile of his and everything resolved between them.

'Excuse me?!' He hears his father's confused, yet agitated voice.

'You sayin' you won't go on a hunt?' John says in a voice bordering on incredulous. Dean doesn't know what to say. Its not like he has had any opportunities in the past to come up with excuses for not going on a hunt. He wracks his mind to come up with a reasonable, and acceptable excuse but his mind doesn't seem to be working in the face of his father, even if they are just talking on the phone.

'Dean, I don't have a whole day to listen to your breathing. I am sending you the co coordinates, inform me when the hunt is done.' His father says in a final voice like he is going to hang up immediately and Dean just blurts out.

"I have some personal, important work Dad. Please just call Bobby, he can arrange for someone else to take the hunt." Dean's voice doesn't come out as confident as he was expecting, but at least he said it out loud. He feels proud of himself and a little selfish as well. John doesn't say anything for a few seconds, but his dad is still on the line. And after that, the phone is just disconnected without any word and Dean only hears the beep beep on the line. Dean doesn't know what just happened here. Out of all things, he didn't expect this. He thought he might be listening impaired for a few days after his dad's shouting or orders or anything. This was unexpected, and not in a good way. Dean knows his father enough to understand that it was worse than the shouting. What they say about the silence before the storm or something. His Dad has something up his sleeve and Dean gets a dreaded feeling in his stomach. He is shook out of his reverie by Sam's worried voice.

"Why don't you want to go? Are you hurt?" And Dean just wants to laugh, or cry. He doesn't know. He just shakes his head.

"Nah.. I am fine." He says.

"You were saying something?" Dean says, while making a gesture with his both hands like reminding Sam of what they were doing before. Sam clears his throat. There is hesitation in his eyes, like he doesn't really want to say something, or is afraid, and then he shakes his head. Sam is still looking like he came out of a TV role playing an angsty character if his face and body language is anything to judge by. But he is looking in control now. Not like when Dean felt that Sam was going to shatter in his hands. Dean clears his throats and says again.

"So.." He implores Sam to speak. Sam's shoulders start drooping again, just like his whole face and Dean has the absurd thought that if Sam's shoulder weren't connected to his body, they would altogether fall down, just how much they were sagging. Dean wants to cross the distance and hold Sam but he doesn't think that Sam wants that right now.

"I.. I was ..being selfish.." Sam says in a small voice, his eyes boring a metaphorical hole on the floor. Dean doesn't know what Sam is talking about, but maybe it has something to do with the silence of last week. Dean makes a sound, indicating Sam to go on.

"I was..scared.. So much.." Sam says in a small, almost broken voice, still looking down the floor and Dean crosses the distance to Sam without thinking and puts his hands on Sam's shoulders.

"Scared of what, Sam?" Dean asks in an equally small voice and he doesn't realise when his one hand has moved at the nape of Sam's neck.

"Of...of loosing you..and..." Sam takes a deep breath and Dean just tightens his hold on Sam's shoulders.

"I couldn't..can't...take if something...something happens to you...so..I..just.." Sam says breaking his sentence in between deep breathes and sniffs which have somehow come back.

"So..so I thought if I stayed away...I could .." Sam doesn't finish his sentence but Dean has understood well what he is trying to say, and he abruptly takes a step back from Sam. Hurt searing deep in his chest.

"So you decided that you cut all contacts with me so you wouldn't be hurt." Dean says in a tight voice, trying to rein in the emotions that just want to escape from somewhere deep inside. Sam nods, miserably, but Dean is trying to control himself so he misses the expression of utter despair that passes through Sam. Dean takes a step back from Sam and turns. His back to Sam. He can't look at Sam. He doesn't know what he is feeling exactly. Sam was just trying to protect himself. But Dean can't think past the pain that has lodged in the middle of his chest and is making breathing hard for Dean. Sam doesn't want him anymore in his life and Dean feels something like a hole in his chest.

"You should have told me, even just a text. I wouldn't.." Dean's voice quiver and he swallows. "I wouldn't have..bothered you.." He hardly manages taking those words out and he just wants to leave now. He doesn't wait for Sam's response, he wouldn't have anything to say, and starts walking towards the door but Sam stops him.

"Wait..please.." Sam says holding Dean by the elbow like he is just going to bolt. And he is right. Dean doesn't have the energy to stay here or listen to Sam's reasons why he can't be friends with Dean anymore. He can't take it.

"You don't need to say anything Sam..I get it.." Dean closes his eyes tightly, "Just let me go..please.." The please at the end is whispered and Dean doesn't even know if the sound came from him. But Sam doesn't let go. If more, he grips Dean more tighter and turns him towards himself.

"No. You can go...after I." Sam looks down, then up again "after you have listened to me." Dean really doesn't want to listen. He can't listen to Sam explaining why it won't work between them but damn him if he can refuse Sam something when he is looking like this, SPECIALLY when he is looking like this. Dean swallows and takes a deep breath and nods. Sam let's his elbow go and Dean misses the contact.

"I thought if I..if I distance myself from you...I would.." Sam shuffles on his feet "I would maybe not be so much effected..or I would at least learn how to take it without going nuts.." Sam exhales on a breath.

"But... I can't.. I can't do it.." He closes his eyes tightly and Dean moves closer to Sam.

"Can't..can't do what?" Dean asks in a quiet tone.

"I can't stay away from you..without you.." Sam says this softly, looking Dean in the eye and all the breath rushes out of Dean hearing those words. Sam continues.

"I was being selfish.. No amount of apologising is going to make it better, and I understand if you don't want to give me a chance.." Sam's voice breaks again "But still... I wanted to say this.." He stops and then starts, "You know...even when we weren't talking.." Sam says facing away from Dean "I just couldn't help thinking.. How were you..what you were doing..if you were okay.." Dean is frozen on his spot. Words he wants to say aren't coming out of his mouth.

"I..Dean.." Sam starts and then stops.

"Don't leave me please..I can't.." Sam's voice is shattered and Dean walks towards him. Turns him to himself.

"Have I ever said that I don't want you in my life?" Dean asks, his voice coming out all hoarse.

"For all that big brains you have going there, you are so much dumb.." Dean says looking Sam in the eye. They are too close. Dean holds Sam face in both his hands, cupping his cheeks. Sam's tears spill down and Dean wipes them with his thumb. Sam leans into Dean's hands.

"Listen, you idiot, there is a problem..you talk to me..and not making me come all the way here so I can kick some sense into you.. You get it?" Dean asks and Sam smiles.

"Didn't know I would see the day when you would say that we should talk our feelings out.." Sam says with a wry grin.

"Shutup." Dean replies, eloquently and Sam laughs a little, the sound echoing in the room. And then Sam is closing in more, and the next thing Dean knows, Sam is leaning his forehead on Dean's and Dean can feel Sam's breath ghosting on his eyes.

"Thank you..." Sam whispers, almost into Dean's skin and presses his lips softly on Dean's eyebrows. A shiver runs down Dean's spine with that contact and Dean doesn't think, just turns his head a little and presses his lips on the side of Sam's mouth. He looks Sam in the eye, and he can see the heat in them, but above all, there is love shining in them and Dean doesn't think about what he is doing and then.. And then there is insistent loud rapping on Sam's door and they jump apart with a start. Dean swears and looks at Sam. Sam is looking at him with a grin, when Dean had expected him to be all awkward. And Dean mock punches him on the shoulder and mutters "You are having too much fun" and there is again that rapping on the door and Dean just sighs, going to open the door. Thank God it wasn't open. Dean wants to continue where he left off once they have dealt with what is behind the door waiting for them.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Ellen comes bursting into the room as soon as Dean opens it. Her expression is seething with anger. Dean hasn't seen her this much angry. He remembers one time when he was at the Road House, and someone was hitting on Jo persistently. That was the first time when Dean had seen Ellen seriously pissed, and not just in a jovial way. Dean had thought that he would never want to be in the way of her anger. Now, though, it looks like he is definitely going to be experiencing first hand. She is looking at him with hard eyes.

"You better tell me what's going on here and why your father called me.?" She asks in a seething yet low tone. Any lesser man would turn tail when confronted with this. Dean's hackles rise when she mentions his father.

"Dad called you?" Dean asks, dumbfounded. Sam is a solid presence behind him.

"Yes. And you need to tell me why would he accuse me of brain washing you or some equal crap like that." Ellen says, raising a finger in Dean's direction. It hits Dean now. Dad called Ellen, thinking something was up because Dean refused to go on the hunt. "I have taken a lot of crap from both of you. Now tell me what the hell is going on." She asks, her voice rising an octave higher.

"I am sorry Ellen for what happened with Dad, and for whatever he said. I am sure its nothing personal against you or anything. It is between me and Dad, and I will handle it." Dean tries to say it in his most placating tone.

"Oh, No. I don't care who is involved or not. It reached me, and I want to know. And that's not the only thing you need to tell me." Ellen says pointedly,clearly driving her point across that she also wants to know about what happened earlier in the living room between him and Sam. Dean doesn't know if he wants to breach that topic yet or not. But she deserves knowing why John called her.

So he tells her that John called to tell about a hunt and he isn't going. The expression on Ellen's face is priceless.

"But, why the hell wouldn't you go on a hunt?!" She asks, bewildered. Anger seeming to take a back step. And Dean is really tired of it. He doesn't want to explain to anyone why he doesn't want to do something, or wants to do something. Its his Goddamn life, he can do whatever he wants.

"Its my business Ellen. I don't need to tell you the reason." Dean says in a tight voice in a voice that clearly conveys that mind your own business. Ellen nods curtly, but then looks at Sam. Dean picks up some kind of knowing look in her eyes.

"That's fine. But you need to leave from here. I don't want your father barging making a spectacle here." She says and Dean nods.

"No. Dean won't go anywhere." Sam says from behind, speaking for the first time.

"Oh yeah? Why is that?" Ellen says in a condescending tone and this is exactly what Dean hates. How Sam is treated here, by his own family.

Sam shoots a withering glare towards Ellen.

"I don't want him to leave." Sam says simply. Stepping a little more closer to Dean, emphasising his point.

"That brings us to my first question. Tell me now how you guys know each other and what's going on between you two." Ellen says pointing her fingers in both their directions one by one. Dean looks at Sam. Sam is looking back. Sam has a determined expression on his face and he gives a subtle nod to Dean and then faces Ellen.

"Like I said before Mom, he is my friend." Sam then turns to Dean, his eyes soft now.

"He is my best friend." He says and something warm curls in Dean's chest at hearing those words. Sam has never accounted Dean as a best friend. And Dean can't help the smile that stretches on his lips at hearing those words and Sam's lips curl upward in a small smile of his own, and then he is returning his gaze towards Ellen who is looking at a loss now. Her expressions dumbfounded like she can't believe what Sam just said. Dean understands. She doesn't know a first thing about them. She couldn't fathom the idea of them being friends, no less best friends.

"How in the world does that happen?" She asks, her voice laced with a strange mix of anger and confusion.

"Dean is a hunter, and you are in college Sam." She says pointedly at Sam like Sam is missing the whole point. Dean wants to laugh at the bizarre situation. Because yeah, she is kind of right. Dean sees Sam suppressing a smile and wishes that Ellen didn't see that. That would just not be best in the already bizarro situation they have going here.

"Yeah Mom, I know that. But.." Sam sighs, sliding his hand on his face.

"It just happened. Dean came to visit me once when he was passing by." Sam says, and Dean controls a smile at that remembering it. Because he wasn't passing by, he specially went there to see Sam. Passing by is just an excuse Sam is making up because Dean remembers how he had just blurted out the truth about wanting to see Sam. It feels ages ago.

"I need more than that Sam." Ellen says in a tight voice, barely reigning her anger. Sam doesn't hide the sigh of frustration that leaves him. Dean decides to lighten up Sam's burden.

"I used to visit Sam whenever I happened to pass by California. And you know, just sort of became friends." Dean says gesturing with his hands between him and Sam. Ellen is opening her mouth to say something, question clear in her eyes when Dean interrupts.

"And what happened in the living room, it just happened because something wasn't okay between us." Dean says this in a slow voice, remembering what had happened. Sam is looking on the floor, his face down turned a little.

"But everything is okay now, so you won't see fist flying anymore." Dean says this more for the sake of Sam than Ellen. Dean can see Sam practically relax at hearing those words.

Ellen is looking between them.

"Best friends..huh.." Ellen says, shaking her head like she doesn't completely believe what Sam and Dean just said. Dean is waiting for something more, but after a few seconds, nothing comes like he expected.

"Okay, whatever you say." Ellen says after a few moments. Just when he thinks that everything is done, Jo walks into the room, seemingly oblivious of everything.

"Hey Mom, I need your help at the..." She trails off when her her eyes fleet up to Dean, and instantly lights up. It means she didn't know Dean was here.

"Dean." Jo grins and walks up to him, wrapping her arms around him. Dean is standing stiff but he manages to bring his hands around her, not wrapping, just touching. He completely misses Sam's frown and his whole posture going taut.

"I didn't know you were here. I thought you had forgotten about us.." Jo says, extracting herself and mock punching him on the shoulder. She then passes a cutting glance at Sam and Dean feels anger all over again.

"What are you doing here.. Come on let's go to the bar.." She says, pulling Dean by the elbow but Dean doesn't move from his spot. He removes her hands gently from his elbows.

"I have something to talk with Sam." Dean says in a tight tone. Jo looks at Sam then, her eyes getting hard as soon as they land on Sam.

"What did he do?" Jo sneers at him and Dean feels a surge of anger coursing through him just at the implication of what she is saying. He feels fingers wrapping around his elbows and immediately recognises it as Sam's. Just the mere touch of Sam goes a long way in calming Dean. Ellen is just looking between them.

"If you guys don't mind, I need a moment with Dean." Sam says looking at Ellen and Jo and Dean sees Jo eyes practically bugging out. She is about to say something when Ellen interrupts her.

"Let them talk, Jo. I will tell you outside. Let's go." Ellen says while pulling Jo by the elbow towards the door when Jo says.

"I don't want to leave Dean here alone with Sam." Jo spits and Dean feels Sam's body tense.

"What the hell do you mean?" Sam asks in a low, tight voice. Anger pouring from his whole posture.

"I don't want anything to happen to Dean." Jo says like its the most obvious thing in the world. Ellen calls Jo's name in a warning tone but Jo seems to ignore it. Her whole attention focused on Sam, her face hard. But Dean has had enough.

"You need to stop Jo. NOW !" Dean says glaring at Jo. His hands in a tight fist. Jo looks towards him and her face changes to more soft lines.

"You don't know Dean. Sam is not someone you would want to be around." She says like explaining something to a child about not doing something bad. Only Sam's hand tightening on his elbow is keeping Dean in his place.

"I think you should leave from here, Jo." Sam says in a barely concealed anger.

"Not interested myself. Just taking Dean." Jo says, going for his elbow again but Dean takes a step backward.

"I will see you later Jo." Dean says to Jo and then turns to Sam pointing his head in the direction of the door with an expression that clearly indicates that we need to get the hell out of here. Sam nods in agreement and walks out the door without saying anything to either of them.

"I guess I will see you guys later." Dean says while trailing behind Sam, leaving an angry Jo and Ellen who is trying to not show her disapproval.

Sam and Dean start making their way outside the bar. Dean sees Ash behind the counter for the very first time but doesn't have the time to stop by. He just waves Ash and goes outside. Sam is waiting by Dean's car, leaning on the passenger side and he gives a small smile when he sees Dean.

"Man... I really don't understand why the hell you put up with them.." Dean says as soon as he reaches Sam. Sam huffs in amusement.

"I don't. That's why I don't come here normally."

"But the time you decided to come was when I wanted to see you..huh.." Dean says standing beside Sam. There sides touching.

"I am sorry about that." Sam says again and Dean rolls his eyes.

"We have already covered that. What do you say we get out from here?" Dean asks in a hopeful tone and Sam grins. They sit in the car in almost synch, the sounds of closing doors echoing in the parking area. Dean just drives straight opposite from the Road House. They don't say anything. The silence is not awkward or anything. Its more like contemplative, like they are trying to make sense of the things that just went down in under an hour. After almost thirty minutes of driving, Dean stops the car on the side of the road. Its dark already. Dean comes out of the car and leans on the hood, Sam following behind and coming to stand beside Dean. The sun has been down a long time now. The sky is almost clear, apart from bits of starts scattered here and there lightening the sky in a beautiful landscape. Sam would know their names, the nerd he is.

"I am sorry for what happened there." Sam says, his voice echoing in the emptiness of the place, but still managing to keep the calm and peace of the silence.

"Wasn't your fault. You aren't the only one who has family issues." Dean says winking at Sam, but Sam just nods solemnly like its not funny for him.

"So..." Dean says, suddenly feeling nervous. Images of him and Sam appearing in his mind before Ellen came knocking in the room.

"Were you planning to call me anytime soon..?" Dean finally asks the question that has been eating him since he talked to Sam, but didn't have the time to ask since there seemed to be more pressing matters..like taking care of Sam and yeah..all that.

"Yeah..I wanted to but.." Sam says.

"But." Dean implores after a few moments when Sam hasn't spoken yet.

"I..I was afraid." Sam says in a small voice. Dean is just about to ask afraid of what when Sam speaks up.

"What I did to you.." He says while shuffling on his feet.

"It was so selfish. You had every right not wanting me to see again. So I was trying.." But Dean interrupts Sam with a finger on his lips.

"That's what I was talking about earlier, just ask me before deciding anything. Okay?" Sam nods but says, "Its not that easy.."

"Yeah...I know.. Believe me.." Dean says, remembering all the times he had the same fears.

"But we can at least try.. You know.." Dean says and Sam nods almost imperceptibly.

They stand there, leaning on the hood of the car in the quietness of the surroundings. Dean turns to look at Sam and sees Sam's head slightly tipped upwards looking at the sky. His face is silhouetted by the moon light from above. He is looking majestic. He is looking absolutely beautiful in the moonlight that it takes Dean's breath away. Like if Sam is reading his thoughts, he turns towards him and their faces are close once again. Dean is lost in the depth of those hazel eyes, rest of the world fading away in the moment. Sam is looking back at him with that intense gaze of his.

"Dean.." He whispers bringing his hand to touch Dean's face.

"I..." He breaks off. Dean is looking at him expectantly, expecting what? Dean doesn't know himself. He just knows something is building. Has been building since the first time they met. Dean wants Sam. He has long established that. And he doesn't want to lose it. He had accepted that he absolutely doesn't want to live without Sam, actually, he can't do that. Not anymore. He is not even thinking this out of nowhere. He has had experience, more than once. He remembers how that felt. He was feeling that till today. So he remembers, but it feels like a long time now, already.

He waits for Sam to say something. He can see Sam's expressions changing, even in the low light. Can practically feel the wheels turning inside Sam's head if the lines on his forehead are anything to go by. He will wait, not just now, or a day. He will wait for Sam till he figures out what he wants.

Dean doesn't know how his life has come at this point where one person has become his whole world. He never thought anyone could be so important for him apart from his family. Relationships were always a hassle from which Dean had stayed away. But now, he realises, he was not actually staying away. There was no one worth pursuing it for. Now, as he sees Sam's face with a myriad of emotions playing on them, he thinks he would give anything to have a chance with him.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Sam looks at Dean's face. He has never seen Dean so expressive with his emotions. Dean's emotions are on his face for the whole world to see. For Sam to see. And Sam can see cleary what they all are saying. Sam is surprised by this display. Dean has never been the one to carry his emotions on his sleeves. He is doing it now, it means something. Everything between them has meant something from the moment they laid eyes on each other. Their friendship strengthening bit by bit despite the bumps. And the friendship developing into something more for Sam. The main reason Sam tried to run away from Dean because he fell in love with Dean. Fell in love with the person who is a hunter from which Sam has ran his whole life from. He found everything he wanted in the person who couldn't be more different than him. In every sense of the word possible. But when he looks at Dean's face,the most beautiful person in the world, all he can see are soft eyes and caring smiles. A genuine person. Sam doesn't see a hunter in Dean. Even the calluses in Dean's hand just show Sam how Dean likes to help people. The only thing that reminds him of Dean being a hunter is when he sees Dean hurt and bloody. That's when he sees all his fears coming true. All the reasons he avoided the life in the first place. It hurts him to see Dean like that. He doesn't know how much he can actually handle seeing Dean hurt.

He looks at Dean now, who is still waiting for Sam to say something, with expression full of love and gentleness that Sam's heart hurts just looking at him. Here, Dean is, putting himself on the line. Dean, who came for him when he had every right not to. Dean, who is looking at him like he would wait for Sam forever. And here Sam is, being a coward. Afraid of getting hurt. But not thinking how it would be hurting Dean who is innocent by all intents and purposes. Sam knew the risks. He knew from the first day. But when the time came to face them, he ran away like a friggin coward.

"You are thinking too much." Dean says with a small smile. Not like he is mocking Sam for over thinking. Instead, like he knows Sam needs it.

"That's the only thing I do. And also, probably run away from my fears." Sam replies in a self loathing tone. Even though Dean has forgiven him, it would be a long time before he forgives himself, if he ever does.

"You aren't the only one to do that. We all have our demons we are afraid of, Sam. You just need to face them." Dean says, looking at Sam's crestfallen face.

"Do you know how to face them?" Sam asks in a childish tone like he wants someone to make everything better.

"I am learning to face them straight in the eye." Dean says while looking Sam straight in the eye and something clenches and then unclenches in Sam at those words and those eyes focused on him, like Dean is not saying this in a general sense, but what they are facing now. Like he is admitting his fears that he is afraid too but he is going to face whatever comes in their way and Sam needs to do the same.

"Dean..I want to.." Sam hitches in a breath.

"I.." Dammit. Words suddenly doesn't want to come out of Sam's mouth. He wants to tell Dean how much he loves him. Wants to admit that it is scaring the shit out of him. Dean is just looking at him like he has all the time in the world, and doesn't want to go anywhere else. Sam remembers how Dean refused to go on a hunt, and Sam knows for a fact that Dean never defies his father. And Sam can clearly see now that he did it for him. And here Sam is, freaking out when Dean has gone against his rules, against his father to be with him. He does the only thing he had been thinking about and leans in, slowly, looking for Dean's reaction. Dean's eyes are on him, unwavering and Dean is the one who crosses the remaining distance between them. When Dean's lips touches his, Sam just goes still. Just the light pressure of Dean's lips on his like a chaste kiss. Then he feels Dean's hands touch his cheek and Sam's brain jump starts at the touch. His whole body shivers like its going to start convulsing and Sam moves his lips against Dean's. And Dean's lips start moving against him like they were waiting for his permission. Sam's whole body jolts at the sensation that drives through him. They just press their lips against each other, moving, like just getting the feel of it. There is no desperation or no urgency, because this thing between them, it is so much more. Not a primal need of physical closeness only, but wanting something more that goes beyond physical. Its not the only thing they want, its just the first step into whatever they have between them, are going to have between them. Sam feels the slow burn of the kiss, but doesn't deepens it, just savours the closeness, knowing that he is going to have it again.

They pull apart too soon, but Sam still feels like he ran a marathon race. Their faces are still too close, and Sam hadn't realised while doing it, but his both hands are around Dean's waist and Dean's one hand is on his cheeks while the other is on his neck. Sam looks Dean for any kind of freak out, for any type of sign that would indicate that Dean didn't like it or regrets it, but he finds none of them. Dean is looking at him with a small shy smile,which Sam never thought he would see on Dean,and a small flush on his cheeks, his face only conveys one thing that says its okay. And Sam feels the same like its okay, its going to be okay. He buries his head in the juncture of Dean's neck and shoulder, his hand tightening on Dean's waist and embraces him. Dean brings his hand around his shoulders while carding the other hand in Sam's hair. It feels intimate. It feels like everything. Sam just inhales the scent of Dean. Dean's finger stroking his hair, distracting him. They just stand there, Sam doesn't know for how long, in each others arm like there is nothing they would want more. Dean's back is on the Impala now and Sam feels Dean going suddenly still, his whole body tightening and his fingers stopping their explorations in his hair. Sam tenses at that as well. Dean slowly extracts himself from Sam and the first thing he sees is confusion and maybe a little regret in Dean's eyes and Sam's stomach drops. Maybe Dean has changed his mind. Maybe he has realised its not going to work between them. Sam is immersed in his internal freak out when Dean says in a voice like a child whose candy is taken away from him.

"What..what about Jessica?" Dean asks, hesitantly like he really doesn't want to know the answer, but he has to.

"Oh.." Sam says, breathing a sigh of relief. They should have covered it before. But its not like anything has gone according to some sort of plan, so no one can blame them for missing a little detail here and there. But again, its not a little detail. Sam is in a relationship, no, Sam WAS in a relationship with someone else, but Dean doesn't know that. Sam looks at Dean's face which is going pale by the second and decides to put him out of his misery.

"I broke up with her." Sam says simply and Dean's mouth hangs open.

"What..? When..?" Dean asks in a shocked tone.

"Its been a while now, after .." Sam stops for a moment, its not easy for him to remember the time where he cut off from Dean, but couldn't help himself from thinking about Dean all the time. It was the only thing he could do.

"After..your last visit.." Sam finally finishes.

"But..why?" Dean asks in the same tone like he can't really believe that something like that could happen. After all, Dean was the one who had said Sam to break up with Jess in the beginning because Dean thought that he wasn't happy. Why Dean is shocked, Sam has no idea. Maybe, for the fact that Sam took so long in doing it that Dean thought Sam would never do it.

"You really need to ask why? You know that." Sam replies in a gentle tone. He can see some of Dean's tension ebbing away.

"Yeah... You weren't happy..." Dean says.

"Yes, that. And my heart was with someone else.." Sam trails off, and ducks his head in a shy smile, waiting for Dean to laugh at him any second. Dean just cups Sam's cheeks and says in an affectionate tone.

"You are such a sap"

Sam's smile just gets bigger and he pulls Dean closer to him. Dean comes willingly.

"Dean..I wanted to ask.." Sam starts saying and then stops again. Damn him for not being able to put his feelings into words. Even though he has shown them pretty effectively but he just wanted to say something.

"I think you aren't going to put it in words anytime soon.." Dean says in an amused tone and Sam is once again taken aback by how Dean has understood him. Sam is sure Dean also knows what he wants to say. Not all of it. But Dean must have an idea.

"Thank You." Sam whispers and kisses Dean softly on the mouth. They look at each other for a few seconds and then suddenly Dean smiles, big.

"I have wanted to hold you for a long time now.." Dean says like he just remembered it now and Sam laughs.

"Now, who's the sap here?" Sam asks, chuckling.

"I have too.. You know.." Sam gestures in the little space between them. Dean laughs.

"I have never seen you so short of words, college boy." Dean says, still laughing.

"I haven't too. You make me crazy. Its totally your fault."

"Man, you have been crazy from the start, don't put that on me.."

And they just exchange banter like that for a few minutes like they have been doing since the beginning of their friendship. After sometime, they find themselves leaning against the hood of the impala again, Dean looking at the sky, and Sam looking at Dean, thinking that his whole world is pretty much right here.

Sam knows that there are a lot of hurdles in their way to come. This is just the beginning. There are a lot of things they need to talk about, to figure out. But Sam knows one thing for sure, whatever lies ahead of them, whatever comes bump in their way, his love for Dean is not going anywhere. Sam has learnt it the hard way. Sam knows for a fact that nothing is going to be smooth in the way, but he is willing to try now, knowing Dean is by his side. Even though Dean hasn't said anything either about what they are doing, what they are to each other. But Sam thinks its not that far away from his feelings. They would figure it out, but now, he just wants to soak the presence of Dean up in his bones.

DEAN

Dean looks at the sleeping figure on the passenger seat, head resting against the window. He can't believe that they really crossed that line, the thing which had been building between them like a physical thing. Dean had never thought in a million years that this could happen. But here he is now, with Sam, in all the sense of the word possible. He looks at Sam, his lashes resting against his cheeks, his hair trying to fall into his eyes, his lips a soft line. Sam is looking so peaceful. Dean can see dark circles under his eyes, indicating that he hadn't been sleeping enough or well. Dean can relate to that. The past few weeks have been a time descended from hell, maybe for Sam as well. Dean is feeling mellow right down to his bones, just knowing the fact that Sam also has feelings for him. Dean is someone who has never done feelings. Even with all the hook ups and what not, it always used to be need or lust. With Sam, all the things have been different. Even when Dean had realised that he may be harbouring more than friendly feelings for Sam, it was not lust, Dean didn't just want Sam physically. It had never been like that. With Sam, it has always been more feelings towards him then anything else. Missing him, wanting to be with him all the time. Just simply spending time with him. It hasn't only been attraction, even though its one of the reasons Dean realised for what it was. The fact that e hasn't tried to jump Sam yet says a lot about what he really wants. Dean wants Sam in all the ways. He doesn't want to rush into anything. He knows there are a lot of things to think through, a lot to figure about. But it won't change the fact that he lov... Dean stops in his inner monologuing. Dean has never put into words what he feels for Sam. Just knew it was all encompassing that it overwhelmed him sometimes to the point where he could only think about Sam and nothing else. This..this is.. Dean doesn't know what to say. Dean really doesn't know what to think of it. He looks at Sam again for a distraction, and sees him rubbing his eyes. When Sam notices Dean looking at him, he gives him a shy smile and ducks his head and Dean thinks that he would give anything for this thing right here. Whatever name it carries. He just needs Sam by his side, a Sam who is happy and smiling and Dean's.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

The sky is dark, stars twinkling here and there. They have reached the Road House, the parking lot is not full as it was before, but Dean can still hear the music blaring from the bar. He parks his car in the first parking spot he finds because he doesn't intend to stay here today, he can't. He can't see Sam being treated like nothing here. He looks at Sam on the passenger side, who is dozing. Looking like a kid, a cute one for that. Dean snorts at himself. The words that come in his mind regarding Sam makes him sound like a freaking thirteen year old girl with his first crush. He shakes Sam's shoulder lightly.

"Sam.." He whispers in a small voice like he doesn't want to startle him. Like the music blasting from the bar isn't going to startle him. He leaves his hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam's eyes open slowly and he starts to sit straighter from his previous position of slumped on the window. Sam rubs at his eyes and looks quite adorable doing that.

"We already there.?." Sam mumbles in a sleepy voice, still taking his surroundings in and then yawns.

"Yes, we are there, sleeping beauty.." Dean says in an affectionate tone. Before Sam, Dean wasn't even sure he was capable of this. Able to love somebody, be someone for somebody.

"Shutup.." Sam mumbles again and swats at Dean weakly, but Dean doesn't miss his lips pulling up. Dean laughs, open and free when Sam gets his legs stuck under the dash board. He is now trying to lay back a bit so he can take out his big freaking legs from that position which looks painful.

"God Sam.." Dean says between wheezes, because the scene right here is epic.

"You are such a klutz.." Dean says, his laughter increasing a notch when he sees Sam's indignant face.

"Would you shutup and help me here. Its not my fault your car is a rat box.." Sam says in bouts of trying to free his legs. When Sam tries to lay back, his legs don't bend.

"Hey, don't say anything to Baby, she will kick your butt out when you try to sit next time.." Dean says getting out of the car. He walks to the passenger side and opens the door to which Sam startles.

"Dean. Warn a guy man.." Sam says in frustration and Dean just rolls his eyes. Sam really is a princess of epic proportions. Dean bends down a little and pushes the seat behind from the side handle and Sam finally pulls his legs out.

"Why didn't you tell me before.." Sam says like he is going to throw a tantrum and Dean really really likes this Sam. Sam who doesn't have all his walls pulled up, or needing to act like an adult. Dean wants to see more of this Sam.

"I thought that big brains of yours were good for something." He says still bended in half on the passenger side.

"But I guess they ain't.

"Shutup.." Sam says in that voice again and Dean doesn't stop the laughter that bubbles from him. Sam hits at his chest and suddenly Dean disbalances on his feet. Only Sam's hand pulling on his shirt stops him from hitting the ground but Dean couldn't keep his weight on his feet and he ends up falling on Sam who is still seated in the car. Dean tumbles over Sam and Sam makes an oomph voice going down as well.

"Dude.." Sam says and Dean feels the voice reverberating into his body. He is on Sam, on top of Sam. And he should get up soon. He lifts his head from Sam's chest and tries to look at Sam from this awkward position. They are too close. The scene from beach suddenly swimming in front of his vision like it happened just yesterday. He had wanted to kiss Sam then, he wants to do that now. But he doesn't have the courage to do that. Then he feels Sam's hand coming around his waist and pulling him more close, in a less awkward position. Dean looks at Sam's face and all the traces of early innocence are gone. His eyes look dark, like he is drinking Dean up just from looking at him. Dean feels a buzz under his skin from that intense scrutiny. Dean doesn't know who moves first, maybe both. But the next thing he feels is Sam's lips on his. Warm and moving slowly, oh so slowly. Dean doesn't waste any time responding to that. He moves his mouth and slots their lips perfectly moving against each other. Dean takes out his hands from between him and Sam and brings them to Sam's face. Holding them like he wants. He lifts his weight some off Sam and pushes one leg on the floor of the car to balance himself, one leg still shoved between Sam's. They are still in awkward position, uncomfortable, but none of them seem to care right now. They kiss like they are starving for it, mouths devouring each other softly, slowly, enjoying every movement of their lips, drinking each other in, trying to learn everything. There kiss is not desperate. Its full of something Dean can't name, he hasn't been kissed like this ever like Sam is trying to pour all his feelings into Dean through the kiss and Dean feels overwhelmed, his whole body buzzing with something. Sam's hands starts moving up and down on Dean's back and Dean can't stop the moan that escapes him from the intimate feel of Sam's hand on his, like he is caressing Dean. They are still kissing when they hear the bar door opening and the music coming out from its enclosed quarters startling them both. They both pull apart at that and Dean scrambles to his feet all the while hitting his head on the roof of the Impala in trying to get out. Sam sits and takes his legs out of the car, but still sitting on the seat. Dean rubs at the back of his head and looks at Sam. Sam's face is flush and he is looking at Dean with a mixture of amusement, shy and nervous expression. How Sam manages doing that, Dean has no idea. He is still breathing hard. He sees some people going out and want to curse them for bad timing.

Sam also gets out of the car and closes the door behind him. He looks at Dean with such soft eyes Dean wants to turn away. He feels hot and cold at the same time and without thinking, pulls Sam into a bone crushing hug. Sam's hand come automatically around Dean pulling him more closer. They just breath each other in for a few minutes and then make their way to the road house.

The scene inside the bar takes him by surprise, and not in a good way, and he stops abruptly. Sam who is coming behind him bumps into him from behind.

"What...?" He says seemingly confused, one of his hand touching Dean on the waist. Dean looks at Sam and points his head towards the bar counter. Sam looks at the counter but doesn't understand why Dean has just gone suddenly pale.

"What is it Dean?" Sam asks again and Dean chuckles humourlessly.

"Dad is here, Sam."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

John looks at the time on his wrist watch. He would be at the Road House in just under an hour. Thank goodness he was not far from the Road House. He needs to see Dean. Something is really wrong. Dean had never talked to him like that nor had he outright refused to go on a hunt before. John had also called Ellen to know what's going on but Ellen had just said that she doesn't know and that Dean was busy with his son. John remembers that Ellen has a son, even though he had only seen him two or three times when he used to go on some hunts with Bill. And that was really a long time ago. And as far as John knows, he hasn't heard of Bill's son hunting. He would have heard through the grapevine of the hunter community and he wouldn't have been surprised because normally when you are a hunter, your family follows in your foot steps one way or another. But it strikes him as odd that he hasn't heard about it. Maybe it passed him. Because that's the only reason why Dean would be busy with him. But why Dean didn't want to go on a hunt is the most pressing matter here. John had noticed some difference in his son from a few times they have met in the last few months. Dean acted somehow different. Sometimes distracted, not always in the game and he wasn't even his usual self like going into the bar at every chance he got and hooking up. John still remembers the day when he had walked into Dean's room and Dean was talking on the phone with someone. First John had taught that it had to be Bobby but it was completely erased by the fact that Dean was smiling and laughing through the call which was not usually Bobby's thing to do, and the other, which should have alerted John was that Dean hadn't even realised that John was there. He had to clear his throat to get Dean's attention. When John had asked that who he was talking to, Dean hadn't given any specific answer, just that talking to someone he knows and John had also brushed it off thinking it was some girl maybe. Maybe John is just being paranoid, and Dean's past behaviour has nothing to do with him refusing to go on a hunt. But his talk with Ellen has him more worried about Dean. She was sounding pissed at Dean herself for whatever reason and as always, wasn't taking any shit from him. John has no friggin' idea what's going on. He wants to see Dean and make sure it was really Dean who said that and then remind him who is in charge. He looks out the window, its dark and by the time he would reach the Road House, the bar would almost be empty, hopefully. He hopes he won't be late and Dean would still be there, but again, Dean had said that there is some personal thing he has to take care of so its unlikely that he would have left. What would be more personal for Dean than hunting, John has no idea. After Mary, hunting has been their life and its not going to change until he finds the thing that killed her. Dean knows what comes first. But John would be lying if he said that Dean hunts for revenge only, it is a part, but not the only part. Dean likes saving people, he likes helping them and not only for his selfish reasons. He is so much like Mary in helping others that it hurts John sometimes. He stops in the parking lot of the Road House and gathers himself to face Ellen. He may be a hunter, a good one for that matter but Ellen can be a furious lady if she wants to, and after what he said to Ellen on the phone, John wouldn't be surprised if he is greeted by a shot gun.

"What are you doing at my place?" Ellen practically snarls in John's face and John can see her hand going under the bar where John knows she keeps a good number of weapons. John lifts his hands in surrender, not wanting to start anything with her right now.

"I am just here to see my son, is all." John says while taking a sit on the stool of the bar trying to appear as less threatening as he can. He knows Ellen doesn't like him and he doesn't blame her for that. They have had history and not a good one. John doesn't even come here normally because he knows he won't be welcomed, even though this place is a hunter haven at any given time. Most of the information about other hunts and hunter come from this place.

"Dean is not here." Ellen says, bringing her hands back up and then picking a Beer bottle from near her and putting it in front of him. This is a good start, he thinks.

"When did he leave? Did he say something where he is going?" John tries to ask in as calm voice as possible but doesn't succeed judging by the hard look on Ellen's face.

"Look, John. I don't know what your problem is and I am really not even interested in knowing about it. I just don't want anything happening at my place. You take your issues somewhere else and leave us the hell out of it." Ellen says in a low tone, anger evident.

"My son has something to do with your son. So don't tell me that it has only to do with me and Dean. You are much as involved as I am. So don't you dare tell me what I should do and not." John says in an equally cathartic tone leaning his elbows on the bar.

"Dean refused to go on a hunt saying he has some personal work here, then I call you and you tell me that he is with your son." John takes deep breaths, trying to maintain some semblance of calm. The bar is not empty, there are still people around and John doesn't want to start a scene here.

"So you tell me Ellen, why doesn't it have anything to do with you when it is happening at your place and your son is involved somehow." John says raising his eyebrows in a challenge. Ellen leans down to his level and says,

"He is not here. Is he?" She asks in an equally seething tone and John is about to say something when he hears some patrons of the bar starting to leave and the sound of the bar door opening and then closing.

"Where is your son then. I want to talk to him." John asks and Ellen straightens up at that, and averts her eyes. John thinks that maybe he sees guilt in her eyes, but that can't be. But its clear that she doesn't want him to see his son.

"I just want to ask where Dean is. If you don't want me to ask, go ahead and ask yourself.". John says and Ellen mutters something under her breath which John doesn't make out.

"He left with Dean." Ellen mutters, albeit reluctantly.

"And you have the nerves to tell me that you are not involved." John shoots back sarcastically and shakes his head.

"Sam has nothing to do with us." Jo comes from somewhere behind him and gets behind the counter beside Ellen. John sees Ellen shooting Jo a warning look but Jo just shrugs. The only reason that John knows about her is because she has always been here whenever John had to come around.

"What do you mean?" John asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing." Ellen says before Jo has a chance to say something. John just shrugs. He thinks of calling Dean and asking where he is when the sound of the bar door opening attracts his attention. He turns around to see. Two figures walk in the bar. John is just about to turn around again when he sees one of them stopping abruptly in their steps and the other colliding behind him. When the dim light catches the figure in front, John breathes out. Finally. Dean is here. John stands up as well. He hears Ellen and Jo coming out from behind the bar. Jo then goes to two three peoples who are still at the bar and says something to them. John looks at Dean who is still standing there. He sees the person behind Dean coming to stand close behind Dean. He is good two inches taller that Dean. He bends down to whisper something in Dean's ear. John feels uncomfortable just from watching like he is intruding or something but he doesn't look away. They start walking towards the counter with small steps and John sees other patrons starting to stand up, grumbling something. As they approach near him, John walks a few steps towards them.

"Hello, son." John greets Dean who is looking pale as the lights in the bar. His whole body language is stiff like he is expecting a blow or something.

"Dad." Dean says, his mouth in a straight line and body vibrating with tension. He pulls Dean in a one armed hug and feels some of the tension draining from him. He then looks at the kid with Dean. John would bet all his belongings that he is not a hunter, even though his posture is nothing like a civilian in his broad shoulders and defensive stance. But he just doesn't strike him as a hunter. There is no hardness around the edges. He can feel the boy is feeling uncomfortable under the scrutiny. And then Dean moves in front of the boy like he is protecting him and John couldn't stop his expression from turning into shock at this. Dean stood in front of the kid to protect from John's scrutiny. Dean knows that John always sizes other people up before interacting with them. Dean's behaviour is perplexing him.

"What are you doing here, Dad?" Dean asks in a stoic tone. John knows that Dean is worried about his reaction regarding the hunt, but still, John isn't understanding this Dean who is standing in front of him.

"I think we need to talk son." John doesn't beat around the bush. Dean nods his head.

"But first tell me, who have you been hanging around with?" John says pointing in the direction of the boy. The boy moves from behind Dean and takes a step side to Dean, still standing close to Dean.

"I am Sam." The boy says in a normal voice but John can hear the underlying tension in them as well, and extends his hand in front of him. John looks at Sam and takes his hand in a firm grip, shaking. Dean looks at Sam and Sam looks back. Some silent conversation passes through them. John doesn't miss Sam's hand brushing Dean's in a reassuring gesture. Dean takes a deep breath.

"Let's go talk somewhere else Dad." He points to the bar door, meaning to go outside. John nods because he doesn't want to talk with Ellen and Jo around.

"Hey." Sam says looking at Dean.

"Its cold outside. You guys should stay here. We.." He gestures to his family.

"..would just go inside.." John looks at Ellen who is starting to say something when Sam beats her to it.

"Please mom." He pleads and Ellen reluctantly nods taking Jo's hand and storming inside the house.

"You going to be okay?" Sam asks Dean in a small voice and John feels like an intruder again. He really needs to know who Sam really is if not a hunter. And what Dean is doing with him because as far as John knows, Dean doesn't have friends who are hunters, let alone a civilian and Ellen's son of all of them. Dean gives Sam a small reassuring smile but Sam still looks doubtful but nods nonetheless and starts walking towards the house. Dean finally turns to him.

"You have some explaining to do, Dean." John says and Dean takes a deep breath like preparing himself for a battle.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Dean looks at Sam's retrieving form. Ellen and Jo have already gone inside but Sam's steps are slow like they are heavy to move. Dean knows that Sam didn't want to leave, heck he didn't want Sam to leave. But he knows his Dad, so its just better that Sam stays out of it. The bar is empty. The dim yellow lights overhead them. The music has been stopped giving the place almost creepy silence. He looks up at his Dad. Dad's face is giving away nothing as to what's going on in his mind. He prompts Dean to take a seat on one of the tables and starts moving in the far corner, Dean follows behind. The table is chipped from various places, stains that are now a part of the table as much as the wood it is made up of.

"How have you been doing Dean?" Dad asks in his normal gruff voice that has rendered Dean zipped before when edged with hardness.

"Good Dad. Good." Dean says in a few words. His dad is not someone to make conversation unless it is about a hunt. He doesn't even remember when he talked to his dad about any other thing than hunting. He misses talking to him. When he was a kid, they used to talk about school, about playing sports. That seems like a forgotten memory now or it happened in a different life time. Dean sometimes feels the same.

"You know why I am here Dean." John asks in the same tone, leaving no room for argument. Dean knows why his Dad is here. Dean should have seen it coming. But it still doesn't hurt less, the bitter thoughts that have brought itself up with this. His Dad came to question him why he didn't go to the hunt when numerous times, Dean got badly hurt but he never called to ask how his son was doing, let alone come visit. Now when he didn't go on a hunt, his father is here. Dean knows that his Dead did the best in the given circumstances, but it still hurts that, for his dad, hunting is the most important thing. Even more than him. He clears his throat to swallow the hurt that's rising in his throat.

"You didn't need to come here Dad. Didn't you believe me when I said that I have some personal issue to handle?" Dean manages to ask in a neutral tone, trying to keep the hurt at bay from creeping in his voice.

"That's what has me worried Dean. I thought the only personal you had was getting revenge for your mother." John says, leaning forward to the table and clearly trying to supress the anger at Dean's blatant and direct answer. Dean doesn't like where the conversation is leading. He knows that Dad knows exactly how their motifs for hunting are different but he just wants to bring it up to guilt trip Dean.

"Dad, you know really well that's not it." Dean says, glaring at his father for making it about something which is not. Dean knows that he is crossing boundaries in calling out his Dad. But dammit. He is tired. Tired of people deciding what he should do for his life, tired of being the good son. All his life, he has always listened to Dad. Even when he was too young to understand what was going on, why they were in the car everytime. Didn't question his father when he used to leave him at unknown places for prolonged period of times. Now when Dean has done something for himself, his Dad is on his heels.

"Okays son." John says, scratching at his beard like he is going to leave this matter now and Dean is just about to take a sigh of relief when John says.

"Just tell me about your PERSONAL IMPORTANT work." Emphasisng on personal and important, and Dean is surprised at the bitterness at which his dad's word are laced with. He wants to refuse. Tell him its none of his business and he can go back to his mission. But he knows his father is a stubborn bastard. If Dean doesn't tell him, he will corner Sam. And dammit, why did he have to see Dean with Sam. It would have been much easier. Sam doesn't need to get involved in it. He doesn't need to see the ugliness of it. He already has so much on his plate.

"I wanted to talk to Sam." Dean says flatly.

"And who is Sam." His dad says in a menacing tone.

"He is my friend." Dean says and his dad laughs, not funny, not amusing. Mocking. Like he doesn't think Dean is capable of doing that or that he shouldn't be doing it.

"Excuse me?! You said Friend, son?" John says more than asks in a mocking tone and Dean just wants to punch something before he lashes out at his own father. He doesn't even bother to answer.

"You are a hunter Dean. Friendships are just weakness that you can't afford." John says and Dean's blood boils. He knows these things. It has been drilled into him from when he first came to know what his Dad really do. That's the reason he has been alone his whole goddamn life. And after meeting Sam, he doesn't want to go back to that loneliness. Its not even a matter of want anymore. He can't do it. And he won't. Just won't.

"I know that Dad. And its not like Sam is an innocent civilian who doesn't know about anything. He knows about it just like we know." Dean says all the while trying not to bolt from here and take Sam with him.

"So you are telling me he is a hunter?" John asks.

"Does it even matter?" Dean shoots back, so goddamn tired of his Dad's twenty questions crap.

"Doesn't it? I don't even understand why you are friends with Sam. He isn't even a hunter. And how the hell did you even meet him? Because I haven't seen him here before." John says and Dean sees genuine confusion on his Dad's expression for the first time.

"Yeah Dad, I know. I came here and he was just, you know at the Road House. We just kind of hung out and all that.." Dean says trying to go for a light tone, covering up how meaningful this actually is.

"Oh.. Kinda hung out. Huh.." John says with a raised eyebrow.

"Isn't your definition of hanging out so loose son? You are saying that you are skipping on a hunt because of that boy and you just hang out with him?" John says, his tone clearly conveying that he is taking none of Dean's bullshit.

"What do you want me to say Dad? Why do I have to explain you that why I don't want to go on a hunt for any reason?" Dean asks, his composure falling away by the second.

"Watch your tongue Dean." John barks.

"And I am just looking out for you." John continues glaring at Dean.

"What kind of looking out it is Dad when you know nothing would happen to me because I am not going on a hunt." Dean counters.

"Aren't you supposed to watch out for me when I am in actual danger? When you don't know that whether I would make it or not?" Dean pours out all the anger in his voice.

"Your definition of looking out is messed up Dad." Dean chuckles bitterly.

"You need to watch out your tone boy. I am still your dad. You don't get to tell me what I am supposed to do." John says in a low tone, but equally effective because Dean flinches.

"And what do you even know about that boy you are abondoning your job for?" John asks in a challenging tone.

"I am not abondoning my job dad. I just left one friggin' hunt only. For God sake let it go already." Dean says and stands up, practically vibrating with pent up anger. He really needs to hit something now. God he wishes Sam was here. He knows how to calm him down, because Dean needs to friggin calm down.

"You haven't answered my question yet Dean." John asks in a calm, yet hard voice, still sitting on the chair and not impressed by Dean's sudden outburst.

"I know enough Dad. I didn't meet him yesterday. And I don't think I need your approval to make friends." Dean answers in a barely concealed anger, his both hands are on the table and he is leaning towards John with a glaring expression. John just looks unimpressed. Non chalant. Like there is something in his mind that is going to be a blow for Dean. Its that look when his Dad gives when hunting, appearing to be in control of the opposite, but having something under his sleeves which his enemy wouldn't even see coming. And it always chills Dean to the bones. He is afraid that whatever his dad would say, he is not going to like it. Call it instinct or anything.

"Despite your bravado and your cockiness, you are still a kid Dean. A kid who doesn't know how to look at the bigger picture. You think you are a big boy? You have grown out of your Dad." John also stands up now and Dean can't move. He knows something is coming and he desperately wants his father to stop talking, but he can't move his limbs for the life of him, or move his lips to say anything. He just looks at his father's expression growing hard by the second.

"Just answer me one question Dean, and I won't ask you anything else." John says, and the sinking feeling in Dean's stomach grows by the second.

"Did Sam tell you that I was the one with Bill, his father, when Bill died because I messed up?" John says, his expressions giving away nothing but Dean's world feels scrambled. He stumbles on his feet and takes a seat before he falls down. He doesn't know what to make of the information. He is stumped. Dad was responsible for Sam's father's death.? How didn't he know it yet? But.. But why is dad telling him this now? Is it supposed to mean something? Dean knows he is missing something here, actually missing the whole damn point but his brain is stuck. And why doesn't his mind want to understand, he has no idea. Dad obviously means something big by it, and Dean's reaction says the same story. But Dean's mind.. Its not working. He needs to ask his dad what he means. He tries to lift his head which is feeling suddenly like lead, but he makes it. Looks at his father's hovering form and asks.

"What.. What do you..mean..by it?" Dean's voice comes out all raspy, scathed like he has swallowed a ton of bricks.

"So I take it you didn't know that. Right."

"Just tell me what do you mean by it Dad." Dean puts himself together and asks.

"I just mean Dean, maybe he has some ulterior motive behind it." John says in an infuriatingly calm tone like he is explaining it to some kid.

"And what about Ellen and Jo then. They have ulterior motives too?" Dean asks, because it is not making sense to him. He knows on some level what his dad is trying to come at, but he needs to ask.

"I have never heard you say that they are your friends. Not even Jo. That's why I am worried." John sits down again.

"I don't know dad. You have never said anything about Ellen and Jo before, and being friends or not isn't excuse enough. Now, suddenly you think I need to look out for myself, with someone who is not even a hunter." Dean says, some sort of sense making its way into him now, but not the way his dad wants. He is not going to question Sam's sincerity and motif. Never.

"Yes, that's what I am afraid of. Don't you think its a coincidence that he has become your friend when he is not a hunter himself?" John says leaning forward with both hands on the table.

"And Jo said something earlier, Dean, about his brother. And I got from it that they don't get along that well. Don't you think maybe that's the reason." Dean wants to bang his head on the table. His dad is being ridiculous.

"God Dad. I know the reasons. I know the damn reasons. You are just being paranoid." Dean tries to reason with his dad.

"Then why didn't he tell you about it?" John asks, crossing his arms on his chest.

"I don't know dad. Okay. Even Ellen and Jo never said anything about it." Dean sighs.

"What I am saying is, You don't know him as much as you claim to know. You need to be careful around that boy."

"I am sorry Dad. But I trust Sam. And I am not going to be anything but myself around him." Dean isn't going to let any misunderstandings come between them. They have had enough of it already. He means it that he trusts Sam. He trusts Sam with his life, and its not going to waiver because his Dad doesn't think that way.

"Okay Dean. You need to ask him then. Why he didn't tell you. And if he doesn't know, which I highly doubt, you tell him that it was your own Dad, then you can see what your so called friendship is." His father says, like he is ready to finish the conversation.

"I am going to the motel now but I am coming back in the morning. I want you to ask him in front of me. That's all I am asking you, and I didn't know you had started trusting everyone you hung out with." And with that, his dad leaves the bar and walks into the dark night. After a few moments, he hears the engine of Dad's truck in the silence of the night. He is suddenly scared now, scared of asking Sam. What if Sam knows and didn't mention it because of some reasons. Or worse, what if he doesn't know? And Dean would have to tell him. How is he going to tell Sam that your father was killed because of my father? He doesn't know why Ellen and Jo never mentioned to him, or what they actually feel about him. Maybe they are sort of hunters as well that's why they understand. But Dean really doesn't care what they think about him. If they tell him that they don't want to see Dean again, it won't matter. But Sam. He doesn't know. He doesn't know how he is going to do that. He feels dread inside him churning his guts. He hears the door creaking from the living area, and sees Sam coming out of the door and closes his eyes in despair.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

"You okay..?" Sam asks once he has approached Dean. Dean looks up and stares into concerned eyes and immediately looks away. He just nods in affirmation. There is not anything to say after all. Saying 'hey, I just came to know that my Dad messed up in a hunt so your father got killed' is not going to go well. Sam sits on the chair vacated by his dad.

"Your Dad gone?" Sam asks in a careful voice looking around, like he knows something is wrong. Dean wonders if his face is showing what he is feeling right now, which is complete dread and despair.

"Yeah.. But he will be back in the morning.." Dean says looking at his hands, not being able to meet Sam's eyes.

"Okay.. So... you wanna talk about it?" Sam asks cautiously. Dean shakes his head in negative.

"Tomorrow.." He says. Because tomorrow isn't going to be a matter of wanting or not. Tomorrow he would have to talk about it. Or else his Dad would do. Which he really doesn't want. Sam places his one hand on Dean's on the table and squeezes and Dean closes his eyes against the emotion that wants to spill all over the place. He wants to tell Sam everything. Wants to apologise, even though its not his fault. He doesn't know about his Dad, how much he messed up, but hunting is a dangerous gig. Everyone knows that. Casualties happen. But Dean knows its easy for him to say, he is not the one on the receiving end. He is scared, what if Sam wouldn't want him anymore. What if he would blame Dean for what happened with his father. Dean knows he is reaching. Sam wouldn't blame him. But Dean still can't stop thinking about what and ifs of the situation. The only thing he knows is that he needs Sam. Dammit he needs Sam and he doesn't want to lose him after he just got him.

"Dean.." His name whispered softly takes him out of his freak out and he slowly looks up to see Sam.

"Sam.. " Dean says in a small voice. But doesn't know what to say further. He flips the position of their hands on the table and takes Sam's hand in his instead, holding like his life depends on it.

"Come inside.. Just take some rest. Okay? You drove all the way here and haven't even taken a breather yet.." Sam says and Dean wonders for a moment if its only been some hours. It feels like a lot of time has passed. Maybe time depends on how the events in your life goes. He came here to confront Sam, got to know more than he expected. Got to have more than that. He kissed Sam... God.. Was that only an hour ago? And then his Dad showed up for all the wrong reasons. He looks at Sam and pulls him in for a kiss. Sam falls into him without any hesitance. They are still sitting, in the open. Ellen or Jo can come here anytime but damn it. He doesn't care. He pours all his emotions and feelings into the kiss. The kiss is slow just like before. He pulls from the kiss and rests his head on Sam's shoulder. Sam's hands come around his shoulders and he hears the sound of the chair scraping on the wood and feels Sam gather him into a hug. Dean goes willingly. Sam doesn't say anything else but Dean knows he wants to ask what happened. Dean isn't exactly acting like his self, like nothing has happened. But he just doesn't know what to say. He just soaks up Sam's warmth till he can't anymore.

"Please, come inside.. Take some rest Dean." Sam says again, more worry evident in his voice. Dean looks up at Sam. His face is etched with concern and his mouth is still slick from the kiss. His face is turned down, some of the stray locks of his hair making their way into his eyes and Dean notices for the first time that he is looking rather defeated. Dean's heart clenches in his chest.

"Hey.. What happened? Are..are you okay?" Dean asks in a scratchy voice. Sam nods. He also looks tired and worn out. Dean isn't the only one who is effected by it after all.

"Yeah.. " Sam says nodding his head gently and Dean let's it go for the time, knowing he wouldn't have any answers for Sam himself right now.

Sam had insisted Dean to stay the night at the Road House, and they had argued back and forth for a few minutes. Sam saying how it is unreasonable of him to go to a motel when they have a guest room here and also 'I also have my room' said with a wink that had made Dean blush slightly and he had cuffed Sam on the head. Dean Winchester isn't a twelve year old who would blush at this sort of things. Thank you very much.

Now he is in the guest room of the Road House, again. Sam and Dean had decided that they don't want to explicitly disclose their relationship of more than friends to their families yet because of the fiasco going on. And after that, they would decide how much to tell them. Dean had noticed that Sam wasn't particularly thrilled at the aspect of telling Ellen and Jo about it and Dean had asked what was troubling him.

"You know... How Jo feels about you..." Sam had said tentative and Dean had understood the matter. He has always known about the looks Jo throws his way, he knows that Jo has some feelings for him which Dean had never reciprocated. He had never even hooked up with her for the same reasons. And his feelings towards Jo have also changed, and not in a good way, since he came to know about the shit they throw at Sam.

"Yeah.. Well.. I don't feel the same.." Dean had stated the obvious and Sam had looked at him, rolled his eyes, and had said,

"Well, Captain obvious. Thanks for the information. I thought you were hot for my sister."

Sam had been cuffed again on the head by Dean and it was totally worth it because of the smile that had played on Sam's lips after that. Dean had felt like he hadn't seen Sam smile for years, which was obviously not true since they were really having a good time before his Dad's whole 'coming to question him' thing. First it was Sam's family creating the drama, so why would his Dad remain behind.

He sighs. He wanted to spend some time with Sam. Explore their new side of relationship, except it doesn't feel as new as it should be. Like its always been there but just under a thin veil. He wants to know Sam more intimately. He sounds like a chick even thinking like this, but he doesn't really give a damn. He has stopped giving a damn about a lot of things since meeting Sam. Sam gave him something to look forward to. Like Dean's life became focused where he knows that there is someone who cares for him, who wants his well being and who needs him to be alright. And Dean got something back to care for and he relishes in it. That's why he didn't give up on Sam when Sam was having second thoughts about their friendship, and Dean is so glad that he didn't give up because he has more than that now. And he doesn't want to lose that, at any cost.

He looks at the bed, which Sam had changed the sheets of even though they were already clean, saying that they have been unused for a long time, and had brought some pillows and blankets for him. Dean had then closed the door making sure that no one was outside and had grabbed Sam into a hug. It seems like they hug a lot. And Dean really likes the full body contact it gives him with Sam, because their hugs have never been half hearted or one armed. They have always been full of some sort of meaning. After that, Sam had kissed him on the lips, which was just this side on desperate because Sam knew something was wrong and Dean hadn't told him what it was. Dean had tried to pour his feelings in the kiss as well, full of fear, want and desperation. They had kissed for a few minutes, neither wanting to let go of the other. They had suddenly pulled apart from a noise outside of the room. If they weren't interrupted, Dean is sure they would have forgotten where they were and things would have escalated. But dammit Sam feels so good he just wanted to keep Sam with him, hold him, kiss him. Sam had uttered a shaky good night after that, gasping for breath looking all flushed and his irises were black. Dean just wanted to grab him and run away.

He flops on the bed head first on his stomach and closes his eyes. Letting the last few minutes play in his mind and groaning in frustration. He thinks about the following morning, what it would entail. What it would mean for him and Sam. What Sam would think about it. He just wishes its not the worst case scenario that happens, that has been playing in Dean's mind since his father dropped the news on him like a grenade. He wills his brain to shutup and let him sleep for a few hours. Sleep doesn't come for a long time. And when it comes, it is filled with shaggy hair and hurting eyes.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Dean is sitting beside the hospital bed. Sam's prone form lying on the bed. Pale, almost matching the interior of the hospital like they are specifically complimented to match Sam. Never in his wildest dream he thought he would see a day like this. Its reminding him when he came to visit Sam for the first time at Stanford. Except, how different it is. Sam didn't almost die. But again, Dean didn't know what was wrong with Sam that time. But now, he knows. And he can't stop blaming himself. Not for Sam's current situation, but for just by being in his life. He still remembers the gun shot, the deafening sound of it. He had never before felt terrified from a sound of a shot. He does that thing on a daily basis. But it took everything away from him in that second. He can't even comprehend how the situation has boiled down to this. Sam being in a hospital. Last night when he went to sleep, his greatest fear was losing Sam, but not like this. Out of all scenarios, nothing like this even crossed his mind. He tries to make sense of what happened. Out of all things, he didn't expect something to come for him, and Sam getting in the way.

When he had woken up in the morning, his Dad was already there, inside the house. Dean had never seen his Dad inside here. But again, he didn't use to come a lot either until after meeting Sam. His Dad was sitting with Sam and Sam was saying something to him which Dean hadn't heard because he was busy freaking out if his Dad had told him already. What would Sam be thinking and all the worse things Dean could have thought at that moment. When Sam had sensed Dean presence, he had looked up and grinned with bright eyes like he was happy to see Dean and stood up, waving him to come at his side. Dean had momentarily forgotten his fears in the face of that bright smile and had grinned back like a lunatic and caught a weird expression passing through his Dad's face, which was quickly smoothed out.

"Let me bring breakfast for you. Okay?" Sam had said with the same smile and Dean thought his face might just break with the smiling he was doing. Maybe it was the result of all the emotions that were swirling inside him so every feeling was being amped up and he was just overwhelmed by everything.

"Yeah.. Sure.." Dean had replied and Sam had gone to the kitchen shaking his head, smiling.

"You are early." Dean had said to his Dad, flopping down on the sofa vacated by Sam. His Dad had just grunted in response.

"Where are Ellen and Jo..? Dean had asked, muffling a yawn behind his hands and looking around.

"They were in the bar when I came, and pointed me to this direction."

"So, your boy knows a lot about lores huh.." Dad had said and Dean had just but stuttered at his Dad's choice of words. Thank God he had recovered before blurting out 'how do you know'. His Dad really didn't need to know about that right now.

His Dad had talked about Sam, asked about him what he was doing. Dean was really surprised by the inspection. Because his Dad wasn't sounding hard or anything but curious. Just like he really wanted to know about Sam. He had also praised about Sam's knowledge of the lores of different kinds. Dean had flaunted further, telling him about how Sam knows about a lot of things that they hunt. Then Sam had come with breakfast for him and Dad as well. Dean was surprised by the sheer domesticity of the situation, like they weren't going to spill ugly truths at any moment. Sam and Dad had chatted through the breakfast, discussing about things and using words which Dean doubted even existed anymore. They were both animated. Dean had never seen his Dad get engrossed in something like this which was not related to the con current hunting. Even though they were still technically talking about hunting, it was good to see his Dad listening to someone else as well for a change. When Dad and him used to hunt together, it was mostly a one way communication between them. Dad normally telling him what to do and expect from the monster or whatever they were hunting and Dean going with it. Dean had never been fond of doing research. But with his Dad, he had to do it. So when he had started hunting alone, he would not dig much into research and jump head first into the hunt. It was the reason Dean used to get hurt more often then not. He just used to research about the basics, which normally constituted of how to kill the fugly of the week. And then Sam came into his life, going all mother hen and sensitive where Dean came. So Dean started being a little more careful than before. Not that he always made the greatest decisions, but he started thinking about them actually. Of course discounting the hunt where he failed to listen to Sam about the demons and ended up on his door step bloodied. Who knew that same hunt would come bite him back.

He looks at Sam again and his eyes starts tingling. The morning started so well, Dean had even started thinking that everything might as well end okay. But he should have known, nothing good comes to him without making him pay for it in one way or another.

After breakfast, when Jo and Ellen had come inside the house, the atmosphere had changed noticeably. Both Sam and Dad had gone quiet after they came and Sam had tensed. Dean was surprised that Sam was more comfortable around his Dad then his own family and it had warmed Dean's heart somehow. After they all had settled down, his Dad had said to him,

"Son, I think I should leave now. Its up to you whatever you decide. I believe you." And had smiled after that. Dean had felt like a fish out of water he was gaping so hard. He couldn't believe his Dad was letting this go. And what it meant. So Dad was trusting Dean on Sam, or rather maybe after talking to Sam, he came to know how absurd his own idea was. Nevertheless, Dean was shocked. And it was evident on his face. He couldn't believe that his Dad was giving him a free pass without Dean having to tell or ask Sam about Bill. Dean had looked at Sam's face then, who was frowning, seemingly by the exchange that had just taken place and Dean had just decided that he would tell Sam the truth.

"Sam.. I want to.. I want to tell you something.." He had said to Sam. It was so quiet in the room Dean felt he was in an abandoned house instead of a room with five peoples.

"Yeah..what?" Sam had said. Dean had taken a deep breath and dove for the question right in.

"Do you know how your Dad died?" After the words were out of his mouth, he had heard a gasp from Ellen and looked at her. Her face was turning pale and she was looking at his father with accusing eyes. Jo was also looking at Ellen with confusion and something had started to click in Dean's mind.

"He died during a hunt Dean. You know that. Why are you asking?" Sam had said in a tight voice. Of course Dean bringing up his father's death would hurt him. But Dean needed to know if Sam knew the whole truth, and if not, fully intending to tell him.

"Do you know who he was with when it happened?" He had asked Sam, looking him in the eye.

"Don't, Dean." Ellen had interrupted but it was like no one was paying attention to her including Dean himself. Jo was focused on them as well.

"No. I don't know. I just know he died during a hunt. I don't even know if he was with someone else." Sam had said in the same voice, and like he doesn't want to talk about it.

"I don't want to talk about it Dean, please." Sam had then said in a small voice, looking down and Dean hated himself but he had to tell Sam the whole truth. Sam deserved to know everything. Dean was just about to say who it was when his Dad had said,

"It was me Sam. Your Dad was with me when he died because I messed up." His Dad had said in an unwavering voice, like he was not just admitting to Sam that an important part of his life was lost because of him. Sam's eyes had gone wide and Dean had heard another gasp coming from Jo but his eyes were all for Sam, whose expressions were changing every second, like they didn't know what to feel. What to take of the information.

"I made a mistake Sam, and Bill had to pay for that. I thought you knew that, till this morning." John had said and Sam had closed his eyes tightly. Trying to rein in the emotions. Dean had wanted to tell his Dad to stop talking, but there was nothing else left to talk then. The truth was out. Sam had abruptly stood up and left the house, without saying anything to anyone.

"You got my Dad killed..?" Jo had said to Dad and then turned towards Ellen.

"You knew. You knew about it mom but you never told us. Why didn't you tell us Mom? Why did you just let this man get away with murdering our father?" Jo had started shouting at Ellen and Dean had just left and followed Sam. Sam was sitting on the steps of the back door of the Road House. Dean didn't really know how to approach Sam. What to say to him. He had just sat down beside Sam and said nothing.

"Mom never told us what happened. And I never asked her because it was not a surprise that he would go down hunting." Sam had said in a small voice.

"I don't understand why bring it up now, you know. And by your father after all."

'Here comes the hard part..' Dean had thought. Sam is smart. Dean knew he would figure it out.

"He thought..he thought maybe you were playing me.." Dean had said, looking down. Feeling embarrassed at the implication.

"Really..? And how was it?" Sam had said, and Dean had looked up at Sam then. The sadness was slowly dissipating from them and their twinkle was just under the skin. Dean had felt like a weight had been lifted off of him.

"Yeah.. Well. He thought you knew about it and wanted to take revenge from me somehow and, and. ... You need to stop laughing dude.." Dean's face was getting red when he saw Sam muffling his laugh behind his hand and Dean didn't know whether to feel indignant or whoop with joy that he was worrying for no reason. He knew he was worrying for no reason, but still it felt like he could fly. Seeing Sam laughing like that. Blowing the whole thing off like Dean was an idiot even thinking about it.

"You know, I don't blame your Dad for it. Right? Not like I don't know the risks of the hunting." Sam had said and Dean had wanted to hug him, take him in his arms. Sometimes he couldn't even believe that Sam was for real.

Someone coming from inside the house had them standing up. Turning out that it was Jo who was looking pissed as hell looking menacingly at Dean.

"You knew all along. Didn't you? Don't play coy Dean." She had accused him and Dean had just sighed. Knowing there was no use arguing with her on any matter. Dean doubted if there was even a word like 'logic' in her dictionary. Sure, what they did was beyond logical, but it didn't mean that they had to just be irrational at everything like Jo was. He hadn't even bothered to answer her.

"Ah... So here you are, Dean Winchester. The bane of my existence.. Or whatever there is." A smirking man from the edge of the Road House had gotten their attention and he had sworn under his breath when he recognised who the man was, or more accurately, who the thing was wearing that meat suit. It was the same demon that had escaped from Dean twice.

"Shit." He had whispered. Holding Sam's elbow.

"Jo, stay back." He had said to Jo when she was going towards the demon.

"He is a demon." He had elaborated before Jo decided that she didn't want to listen to Dean. Jo had stopped at that Thank God.

"It can't come inside here. The ground is protected and filled with salt." She had said and Dean had breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't want to get in anything with the demon till Sam was safe inside. He didn't want to get involved with it here, period. Even though he knew he had a lot of help here as of then.

"I see you missed me.." Dean had said to the demon to distract it, who was looking way to amused taking into account the fact that he couldn't even cross the ground to them.

"You know Dean.. You human beings..are just too weak. We have seen that before now, haven't we." The demon was full on smirking and Dean was still wondering what is up under its sleeve.

"I don't even need to come inside, you know... " It had said and the next thing Dean knew the demon was taking out something from his pocket, and the time it had taken for Dean to realise what it was, the gun was pointed in his direction and the trigger being pressed. After that, Dean hadn't really known what had happened. He had heard the sound of two shots being fired consecutively, someone pushing him away from his spot where Dean seemed to be had frozen and coming in front of him. Jo had shouted and people had came running from the inside...and...and Dean was on the ground and Sam had fell over him, the ringing of the gun shot still echoing in his brain and Dean..for Dean, it had taken a moment to register what had just went down. Sam got shot. Sam was over him, bleeding.

He shakes himself out of the memory and looks at the bandages covering Sam. Sam got shot on the side of his ribs and one on the right side of the chest. He was in surgery for hours. The doctors have said that he is out of danger now. But Dean only sees that Sam is not waking up. He doesn't even know what time it is. He knows its very late in the night, or maybe early morning. He has lost all sense of time. He doesn't remember a lot of things after the moment he had realised that Sam was the one over him and bleeding to death. Its just a sequence of blurry events after that. He doesn't even know if someone got that demon, didn't ask anyone. He just wants Sam to wake up. Sam saved Dean. He pushed Dean and got shot instead. Dean still doesn't know how Sam realised so fast what was going on there when Dean was the hunter there, and he didn't even think for a second before putting his life in danger for Dean. Dean closes his eyes against the emotions welling up in him. He almost lost Sam today. How could Sam do this to him. Doesn't he know that his life is the most important thing for him. Doesn't he realise that Dean can't live without him dammit. He just can't. But How could Sam know when Dean didn't know himself till he was faced with the very real possibility of losing Sam. Dean can't live in a world where there is no Sam. He just can't. And Sam doesn't have any right to pull crap like this on Dean. Dean wonders if Sam feels like this every time when Dean gets hurt. Like his world is falling apart. Like his heart is breaking into a million pieces and hurting at every place.

Sam's family went home just few hours ago along with his Dad. His Dad had been on his side all along, saying things. Talking to him. But Dean doesn't really remember anything. He wasn't able to hear anything beyond the pounding of his heart, and Sam's body covered in blood, so much blood, swimming in front of his eyes. He takes Sam's hand in his and squeezes it, willing Sam to wake up. He leans back against the chair, closing his eyes and thinking when would he get to see Sam's beautiful eyes twinkling at him.


	43. Chapter 43

A/N: So, this is the last chapter for this story. I know, I know you wanted to see more action. Anyway, I was so sad to finish the story. Maybe I will write a time stamp or something, someday. Thank you so much for sticking with me and my SamandDean. I love them a lot.

Chapter 43

Six Months Later

"Sorry man, I don't think I would be able to make this time..." Sam says into the phone to Hayden. His friends are going out for the long weekend to a cabin which Hayden's Uncle owns.

"Yeah... Me and Dean.. Umm.. We have plans.." Sam says into the phone, blushing. Its not a secret that Sam and Dean are together. Sam had told his friends when he had returned to Stanford after he got shot six months ago. Because when he had returned, Dean was in tow with him. Dean hadn't left until Sam was one hundred percent, and had stuck around even after that as well. Things had drastically changed after that event. Sam can't exactly say that he is sorry that thing happened, because it was more of a blessing to him. After Sam had woken up in the hospital, his very first thought was how was Dean, because the last thing that Sam had remembered before going down was that the demon was still there and it was after Dean. Sam had had a moment of clarity then. He had realised that Dean was so much more to him. He hadn't thought even for a fraction of second before coming in between Dean and the demon. Dean's life was and is more important for him than his own. In that moment, Sam had realised that no one is ever going to mean to him as much as Dean means. Dean is his everything and he just can't live without him. They had stayed at the Road House for two days after he was released from the hospital. Dean had never left his side at the hospital as well. Dean's father stayed there for the duration Sam was there. After two days, Sam had started feeling overwhelmed and he just wanted to leave that place. Things were not exactly good at the Road House. Jo starting a rukus every now and again with Mom and John and Dean. And everyone was getting tired of her, Sam was no exception. When Sam had said that he wants to go back to Stanford and that Dean should stop worrying about him, Dean hadn't even heard a word of it. He had said that he would be going with Sam, unless Sam really didn't want to see Dean, that is. That was the last thing on Sam's mind though. He would keep Dean all the time with him if he could, so who was Sam to argue. And if Sam was really honest with himself, he just wanted to spend some time with Dean alone. Even though Dean was there with him all the time, they weren't really alone. So they had left together the Road House. John had also left with them but going in opposite direction. Dean had later told Sam everything that had went down with John that night. Sam was still not healed when they had left from there. Dean had taken upon the duty to take care of Sam. Sam was ecstatic, to say the least. He really didn't mind Dean smothering him or being a mother hen. Quite the contrary. Sam revelled in it. And after Sam started feeling better, he started doing what he used to do. Taking care of Dean his way. Dean hung around even after Sam was completely healed. Their relationship grew stronger by the day. Sam had never felt like this in this whole life. Their intimacy reached the whole new level. Dean started sleeping with Sam in his room. The first time Sam woke up with Dean's hand carding through his hair, whisper soft kisses on his face and Sam was addicted. It has been like that since then.

"I thought he wasn't around?" Hayden's voice rings from the other end and shakes him out of his train of thoughts.

"Yeah, he just came yesterday." Sam says, and just then he feels Dean's hand coming around his waist from behind and pulling him close. Dean puts his chin over Sam's shoulder and nuzzles into his neck.

"You can bring Dean. You know, its not a problem." Hayden says and Sam sighs, all the while trying not to get distracted from Dean's touch.

"I don't want to make Jess uncomfortable..don't..don't worry about it. I am good." He says into the phone, wanting to hang up now.

"Okay then. See you Sam." Says Hayden and they hang up. Sam pockets his phone and turns into Dean's arms.

"Hey." He whispers.

"Hey to you too." Dean says, smiling.

"I thought you said you wouldn't be back for two hours.." Sam says, pulling Dean more closer. His hands going into Dean's hair and back of the neck. Dean leans into the touch.

"Yeah..well. I missed you. Baby can wait for the TLC.." Dean says, putting his head on Sam's chest.

"I made lunch.. Come on.." Sam says into Dean's hair, kissing the crown of his head.

Dean pulls away and together they set the table. When Dean started hunting again, he would come back here after the hunt was done. Sam would also help him in research after getting the facts of the case from Dean. Of course things weren't smooth always. Dean would come up beat up and bloodied and Sam would have one of those moments where he would just shut down, but they always talked through it. Dean started being extra careful during the hunts, and if the hunts would sound like it would need more than one person, he would refer the hunt to Bobby. But all in all, it was good. Like in any other relationship, they had their bumps and had their insecurities, but they talked. Never just left anything unresolved.

"You know, you can go to that picnic with your friends. We can go on the road trip another time..." Dean says and Sam looks up from devouring the sausages from his plate.

"Don't think you are getting out of it dude." Sam says grinning.

"I am serious Sam. If you want to go, you should. You know I wouldn't mind." Dean emphasises again and Sam picks up his now empty plate and goes to put it in the sink. After washing and drying his hands, he comes to Dean's side and sits on his knees in front of Dean.

"Yeah well.. I know you wouldn't mind. But I WANT to go with you. So there's that. You aren't thinking of ditching the plan. Are you?" Sam asks mock suspiciously raising his eyebrow. Dean laughs.

"You caught me. Thought I would try." Dean says and leans down, kissing Sam soundly. Kissing Dean always leaves Sam breathless. He still remembers the day when they had made love for the first time. It had just started with the kiss, just like this one. It was just like any other day. Dean was about to leave in two days and they were just getting ready to sleep.

"You should take me hunting one day." Sam had said and Dean had frozen.

"No." He had denied straight away.

"Why? I will just help you in research and back up. You know I can at least do that." Sam had tried to reason with Dean.

"No Sammy.. Please. I can't.. I can't take the risk with you.."

"But you hunt all the time.."

"That's different Sam." Dean had said, pulling away,

"How's that different.? You risk your life all the time for people you don't know. And I am just talking about accompanying you." Sam had said, sitting up on the bed.

"Its different because you are more important than myself, more important that all the people combined I try to save, you are just... I can't Sam. I just can't..." Dean had said, shaking his head.

"What if..what if something happens to you? And no, don't give me that look about me."

"But Dean.. I just.."

"Sam, we are not talking about it." Dean was adamant.

"But Dean I am just sa.."

"Sam, shut up. We are not talking about this. Do you even know how it was too see you hurt when you got shot? Do you have any idea? I thought I had lost you. I cannot do it dammit. I love you and I can't live ..." Dean had abruptly stopped at his last sentence realising what he had just said and Sam's breathing had seemed to stop too. Dean had never said in words directly like this. Sure Sam knew that Dean loved him, but it was so much different coming out of Dean's mouth. Dean was looking at him wide eyed. Like he was surprised himself by the admission. Sam had been speechless for a few moments. Dean was blushing furiously and looking everywhere but him, but Dean wasn't taking it back, and Sam... He had just blurted the feeling which was overwhelming him at that time.

"I... I love you too..." And had trailed off, looking down. To be very honest, Sam had imagined this moment going somewhat different, which would Dean describe as girly, but Sam had imagined it would be romantic and shit and they both would be having a romantic date or something, not like this. But Sam figured that the true meaning of love was right there, where no one was expecting it but the overwhelming of the feeling just took them by surprise, and it didn't mean any less. There is no perfect moment for it, but the moment itself becomes perfect when you feel it in your soul. Surprisingly, Dean hadn't mocked him or said some silly thing but had lifted his chin up and kissed him. It had started slow, and gradually became passionate. Things had escalated from there, but it wasn't lust deriving the moment, they were just overwhelmed with the love they held for each other. Sam would never forget their first time, how delicate Dean was being with him, handling him like he would break any second and Sam had been the one to take matters in his own hands because of Dean's fear that he would break Sam or something. Sam had made fun of Dean later for that. And Dean had kissed all the laugh out of Sam, and Sam was never so much glad at being manhandled like that.

Sam shakes himself out of the memory, knowing that now is not the time to reminisce. They have plenty of those moments, and will keep having.

"So, what's going in your head huh?" Dean asks, and Sam chuckles. Dean always knows when Sam's mind drifts.

"Nothing... Was just thinking about how you look cute when you blush." Sam smirks and gets a glare in return.

"Shutup. I don't blush." Dean gives a lousy reply and Sam laughs out loud. He has never been this happy in his whole life. Its all because of Dean. Dean, who is a hunter, Dean who scares the crap out of him everytime he is out hunting but Sam would take that over giving Dean up. Because Dean is the best thing to happen to him and he won't just let it go because of his fears. He looks up at Dean and sees Dean watching him with fondness in his eyes and a secret little smile and Sam's chest warms. Dean pulls Sam up from his kneeling position and wraps his hands around Sam's middle, pulling him in.

"You know, when I am on a hunt and things look bad, and I think maybe it really is the last one for me, that I am not going out of this one alive, the only thing I can think of at that time is that I want to see you laugh one more time, I can't just go out like this." Dean says, looking Sam in the eye and Sam can't look away.

"I always used to think that I would go down hunting, was never afraid of dying during a hunt. But now, now I don't want to die while I am fighting. I don't want to stop hunting, because that's what I do Sam. It defines me. But its no longer the sole purpose of my life. I want to grow old with you now. To see your stupid long hair falling and you becoming bald..." Dean's voice cracks at last and Sam swallows. Barely stops the tears that want to spill.

"I want to see you happy and safe and always laughing." Sam doesn't stop the tear that slides down his face, but he doesn't look away. He doesn't know what to say to that. He expresses his feelings through his eyes and hopes Dean gets it. Dean does these things sometimes. Makes Sam speechless. Sam really doesn't know what to say. So he says the first intense feeling that comes to his mind.

"Thank you.. Thank you Dean. Thank you for trying for me.. I just..just thank you." And then he pulls Dean more closer and puts his head on Dean's, inhaling deeply. Dean then clears his throat and says,

"Come on Samantha. We got supplies to get." Sam doesn't mention that Dean was the one who started all this, but it would be cute to see Dean blush.

They make their way outside to the car. They have to buy some things from the store for the road trip and Dean likes to drive them around when Sam isn't buried in his books.

"I want to tell mom about us." Sam says out of nowhere while returning to the apartment. Dean cuts him a sideways glance before looking back at the road.

"We haven't exactly hidden anything from them." Dean says, shifting in his seat.

"Yeah well I know.. But I still want to tell them. Even though I know they don't really care about my love life or anything. But still.. I just.." Sam doesn't really know about what he really wants from it. But them not knowing feels like lying by omission, and really, Sam doesn't care about it that much either. Maybe he just wants them to know that he is with Dean.

"Yeah okay Sam. If that's what you really want." Dean says finally.

After they reach home, Dean fixes them some grub saying that he is hungry, but Sam knows for a fact that its for him. Dean likes to feed him every chance he can get away with, and well, Sam isn't complaining. He likes being coddled by Dean. When Dean is here, he is the one who normally cooks for them. Dean always says that he needs healthy food in him where he himself chows down all the greasy things he could find. One of these days, Sam is gonna try to change his eating habits, or maybe pick it up.

"I have told dad not to forward me any hunt for the next week." Dean says around a mouthful of cheese sandwich.

"What did you tell him? Or better, what did he say?" Sam asks, trying for casual but not pulling it off all the way. He doesn't want any type of conflict between Dean and his dad.

"Don't worry. He didn't even ask me why. But he said to say hello to you." Dean says with a wink and Sam blushes. Sam suspects that John knows about them. He knows that Dean hasn't told him about them, but well, if John knows, its just all the better.

"You still up for the bar, right?" Sam asks, standing up and taking his and Dean's plate to the sink.

"Never thought I would see a day where you, of all people, would ask about going out." Dean chuckles and then ducks his head, barely missing the sud Sam throws his way while washing the dishes. Dean's laughter rings out in the corridor after he makes way to their room. Sam smiles to himself. His life is pretty much perfect. As perfect as it can get with a hunter as a partner. Sam sometimes think that he wouldn't want anything to be different. Not even Dean being just another civilian. Its one of the things that makes Dean special, and Sam would never want to take away an intrinsic part of him.

After doing the dishes, Sam goes to their bedroom. Dean's room now moved to his. Dean even has his stuff in the wardrobe now. It feels like home. Dean feels like home. Sam doesn't intend to let Dean out of the room for a few hours. And he doesn't intend to let Dean out of his life as well. Maybe sometime after, maybe after forever.

The End


End file.
